


Long Way Around

by WordMusician



Series: It Needs Saying [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bad Wolf Syndrome, Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, F/M, Multi-verse, Post-Episode AU: s02e13 Doomsday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-01 06:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 45,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10916304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordMusician/pseuds/WordMusician
Summary: Sequel to Long Time Coming.  Rose and the Doctor must learn to live on their own armed with the knowledge they are loved.  Story bounces back and forth from Pete's World to the Doctor's.  Plot revolves around a multi-verse dynamic, pesky Daleks and a love powerful enough to span the Void.  AU characterization of many of the Doctor Who characters.  Warning: there is a major character death a little over half way in, hence the Teen and Up rating.





	1. This Is Me: Getting On With My Life

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter takes place in two different universes. Hopefully I made this obvious. My idea for this story (other than following Long Time Coming) is from a comment Nine makes about how AUs are formed. But I'm getting ahead of myself and I don't want to spoil the ride for you my wonderful readers.

Rose refused to roll her eyes as her mom once more expressed her frustration with her daughter.  When Pete finally silenced her with a conciliatory hug, Rose took the opportunity to speak.  “It’s time, mum. You always want me to get on with my life.  This is me: getting on with my life.  This way I’ll be closer to work.”

“Work, work, work; that’s all you do Rose!  That’s not a life.  If it wasn’t for me insisting you come out with us to some of your father’s functions, I swear no one would even know I had a daughter.”

At the mention of her father, Rose shot a glance at Pete.  True he wasn’t her real dad, but over the last few months they’d managed to build a reasonable relationship.  Pete was technically her boss’s boss’s boss’s boss as CEO of Torchwood, but he was also married to her mum. It had been difficult at first.  Pete had never had children of his own and then he was suddenly saddled with a grown up daughter who didn’t want to be there.  Gradually, through a mutual love of Jackie Tyler and his own recent fatherhood of Tony Tyler, he had become her friend and sometimes ally in navigating this new life. 

"There’s plenty of room here.  I don’t see the point in renting a flat.”  Jackie stretched a manicured hand towards her daughter, “Please Rose.  I’ll miss you.”

Now Rose did roll her eyes, “Mum you make it sound like I’m leaving the country!  I’m just moving into town, less than 30 minutes away.”  She wouldn’t – couldn’t – promise she’d be visiting every weekend though.  “It’s settled mum.  I’ve already paid first and last month’s rent.  I pick up the key tomorrow.”

“Pete, you talk some sense into her.  What’s losing the deposit anyway?  We can afford it.”

“Now Jacks, Rose is a grown woman.  If she wants to be on her own, we can’t stop her.” Pete soothed.

“But,” Jackie blinked back tears, “But what if something happens?”

“Mum!” Rose protested, “I traveled the universe with the Doctor and did all kinds of things, aliens and monsters, you name it.  And now I’m a Torchwood agent.  I took their training and need I remind you, graduated in the top 10 %?  I can handle myself.”

“But you’re my daughter.  You shouldn’t have to ‘handle yourself’.  I never wanted you to get involved with that Torchwood anyway – sorry Pete but it’s the truth.  Why couldn’t you get a nice job in a shop somewhere?” She frowned at Rose’s ill disguised disgust; shop work used to be just fine for her. “You know, you don’t even have to work.   You could go back to school and get your A-Levels or you could do some volunteering, like at a library or something.  Maybe Pete has something at Vitex Industries for you?”  She was looking imploringly at her husband now, but Pete just shook his head gently. He was on Rose’ side for this.  He was definitely not going to give up one of his most promising Torchwood assets because of her motherly concern.

“I’d be bored silly, and you know it.  Being with the Doctor, it showed me a better way of living.  I can’t go back to the old ways.  I wouldn’t want to, and he wouldn’t want me to either. A long time ago, when he had a different face, he asked me to have a fantastic life.  He meant it mum, and I’m going to do it.  I won’t have a fantastic life with a dead end shop job or loafing around here.  And as far as education goes Torchwood will supply all I need.”  For a moment the room was silent.  The Doctor might be in another universe but apparently he was still quite present in their lives.

“Well then, this flat.  What’s it like?  Is it nice?  Does it need some decorating?” Jackie tried to sound positive setting her disappointment aside for the time being.

“It’s fine.  It’s a one bedroom in a secured building.  I can walk to the shops and in a pinch I could even jog to the office.”  She didn’t bother to tell her that she’d paid a premium to have the carpets pulled up and hardwood installed.  A remembered conversation on Krop Tor had jaundiced her against carpets.

Jackie shook her head, “I don’t like it, but you’ve always been a willful child.  Guess I can’t expect that to change now, can I?”  There was the beginning of a baby’s cry sounding from the monitor on the end table.  “Well that’s the end of Tony’s nap, be back in a mo.”  Jackie got up off the sofa and exited the lounge to go and retrieve her youngest. 

Pete’s cell phone rang and checking the caller, he murmured an excuse and headed for his study.  Between Vitex and Torchwood, Pete was a very busy man.

Rose sighed.  She was relieved the argument with her mum was over.  Jackie had been clingy ever since they had jumped to this universe.  At first Rose had accepted the extra attention as part of her own healing process.  After the Doctor’s revelation at Bad Wolf Bay however, Rose had felt the push to move forward.  She knew her mum had missed her a lot when she had traveled with the Doctor and was more than happy to have her one and only daughter back, but Rose couldn’t settle into their old mother/daughter relationship.  Gone was the nineteen year old adolescent to be replaced by an independent twenty-one year old woman.  Jackie was having a hard time adjusting and the sooner Rose had her own space the better they would be.

Pete had insisted that whatever place she got had to have good security.  As his heiress she would always have more than her fair share of attention from crackpots and paparazzi.  Regardless of her own opinion of her ability, she was happy to agree to this condition if it meant having his support when she told Jackie she was moving out.  First they were co-conspirators in the apartment hunt and then they were allies in the Jackie Tyler confrontation.  Rose genuinely liked Pete and knew that over time she could grow love him, maybe even as the father she hadn’t had growing up.

Her only regret was leaving Tony.  She loved watching her baby brother grow and develop.  He’d be saying his first word soon and he’d be walking before she knew it.  Those were milestones Rose expected she’d miss out on.  She was old enough to be his mother and sometimes when she rocked him or played with him it was hard not to think of him as her own.  She’d never thought she wanted to be a mother.  She had pushed all dreams like that aside as she ran with the Doctor, but now… now she wondered at what might have been if she could have stayed with him.  Putting some distance between herself and her mother’s new family was probably healthy for everyone.

 

 

He sprinted out of the room clutching her jacket.  Thankfully the TARDIS anticipated him and moved his room closer.  If he was quick he would reach it before he made a fool of himself.  The maelstrom of emotions breached his disciplined barriers almost the same moment he threw himself across his rumpled bed.  He screamed his anguish into the bed covers and pounded out his pain into the mattress with all the violence his broken hearts demanded.  Rose was gone and that ginger haired harpy had just succeeded in reminding him again how it was entirely his fault.

In moments like this he hated his existence.  This was penance for ending the Time War, for destroying all those lives in the name of peace.  Peace? Ha!  For who?  By the looks of it the universe didn’t want any peace after all, and it was certainly denying it to him.  He hated all those immutable laws of time.  He was a Time Lord yet he could not lord it over time.  Not even to save the woman he loved.

Eventually the violence turned to despair and he curled into himself, bawling like a baby.  He cuddled Rose’s jacket as a child would draw comfort from a stuffed toy. 

 

Donna watched in shock as the skinny streak of an alien ran away.  She immediately regretted her tirade.  She was confused and afraid and that made her angry.  When she was angry she lashed out.  She’d been told her tongue could peel pain.  Well, now she had proof and she was ashamed.

Obviously the owner of the jacket was very special to him and she’d run roughshod over his feelings.

Carefully Donna walked over to the only seat in the room and prepared herself to wait.  She’d apologize if he’d let her.

 


	2. Born To Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly Rose's life in Pete's World and introduction of a mysterious package.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pace (pun intended) will pick up with the next chapter. Still doing description and backstory details.

Rose settled into an easy rhythm, clocking a grueling distance on the treadmill.  Traveling with the Doctor had kept her reasonably fit, but Torchwood training revealed that since landing on Pete’s World she’d gotten soft.  Her final ranking in the top 10% had been a testament to her grit and determination more than any special skills or abilities.  She suspected that her squad commander had been particularly hard on her, singling her out because of her purported father.  In the end she had been grateful for the pressure had pushed her to excel and more than anything she wanted to do the Doctor proud.

Torchwood had a good gym but Rose felt uncomfortable working out with the other employees.  No one came right out and said anything, but there was a general air of distrust and suspicion directed towards her – because of her connections, because of her mysterious arrival, because of her unusual knowledge.  It was easier for everyone if Rose worked out at elsewhere.  A public facility was out of the question as the last thing she wanted was some paparazzi getting some candids of her all red faced and sweaty.

In setting up her apartment, she traded her dining alcove for a treadmill and small set of free weights.  Any meals she ate could be consumed at the kitchen counter or off her coffee table.  A girl had to have her priorities after all.

Sometimes she’d listen to music as she pounded the treadmill, but more often than not she let her memories and her imagination entertain her.  She loved to run; she remembered the exhilaration, the speed, the hand to hold….  If those same memories also caused tears to mix with her sweat at least here there was no one to witness her private pain.

 

The Doctor was sorry but it couldn’t be helped.  Martha just didn’t have the right rhythm.  Try as he might there was always a hitch to his loping steps with her hand in his and it was a reminder.  Maybe he should stride more and run less.  Nah, this body was made to run.  He just hated to have to adjust.

 

“Tyler!” barked Oswin through his open door as Rose exited the lift.

“Yes, sir?”  She stood in his doorway trying to read his morning mood.  As squad commander he had the power to make her day pleasant or difficult.  Rose hoped for the former but braced herself for the latter.  Michael Oswin was ex-green beret.  He was chained to a desk job thanks to an RPG that had cost him his legs.  Rumour had it that R&D had offered to kit him with robotic legs, but he’d refused.   Like almost everyone else he’d lost loved ones to Lumic and his cybermen. He didn’t want anything to do with anything remotely cyborg. 

He was a good squad commander.  Disciplined and exacting, he was tough but fair.  He zealously watched over his operatives and tirelessly worked to ensure everyone was in top form and as safe as possible given the nature of their more clandestine work.  Rose was grateful to have him watching her back.

“You amber-flagged this morning: it seems you haven’t clocked enough hours on the shooting range this quarter.”  His dark blue eyes narrowed as he watched her face.  Oswin knew Agent Tyler didn’t like guns.  She was a good shot and could handle firearms expertly, but she was a sodding pacifist.  That was something he couldn’t understand and so he couldn’t trust her.

Rose hid her grimace under Oswin’s stare.  She had forced herself to learn how to use Torchwood weaponry in order to pass her training and get her field agent status, but she loathed the mandatory practice that was designed to keep one ‘situation ready’.  She had learned from the Doctor that there was usually a better way to deal with a situation than shoot at it.  “Guess it slipped my mind, sir.”

“Make the time.  If you red-flag I’ll have to pull you off active duty until you re-qualify.”

“Understood.”

“I don’t want to have to pull you Tyler, but I will.  I don’t care who your daddy is.”

Rose nodded carefully knowing that Pete would be all too happy to see her pulled from active field duty.  A couple of her last missions had been particularly harrowing and he was nervous that Jackie would learn about it.  He’d already tried to have her field assignments modified to artifact identification and retention but so far she’d dodged being sidelined.  She had parlayed her experience with aliens into getting her this field agent posting in the first place.  She had no head for paperwork or computers; she was born to run.  “I’ll log some time tonight, sir.”  She turned to step back into the corridor, but Oswin stopped her with a raised hand.

“One more thing,” he wheeled out from behind his desk to pick up a black wrapped package off the side bookcase and tossed it to her.  “This arrived at 08:40.”

Rose caught the missile, hefting it curiously in her hands and casting a puzzled glance at the squad commander.

“I don’t know what it is.  Instructions were not to leave it on your desk but to deliver it directly in person.  No return address, just your name and standard barcode I-dent.  It passed all the standard security scans.  I don’t like being your personal delivery boy, Tyler.  Don’t make a habit of this.”

“I don’t know anything about this, but yes sir, I won’t.  Anything else?”

“Remember the firing range.”

Rose left quickly and headed for her desk.  She ran a questioning hand over the package.  It was the size and weight of a slim hardcover book or a box of candy. 

“Morning, Rose!” Mickey sang out just has he hip checked her into the wall.  “Where’d you go, I thought you were right behind me at security upstairs?  Hey, what’s that?”

 

Rose swung her package out of his grabbing reach.  “I don’t know yet.  Oswin just gave it to me.  He said it was delivered early this morning and wasn’t to be left on my desk but given directly.  No return address and you can’t see inside this black plastic wrapper.”

“So what are you waiting for, open it.”

“I don’t know, maybe some privacy, yeah?”

“What?  You got some secret admirer sending you stuff?” Mickey teased.  “Oswin will use you for target practice if he figures that out.”

Rose laughed, “Yeah, as if.  No romance for me, thank you very much. And speaking of target practice I have to go spend some time on the firing range tonight.”

“I told you, you had to log some time to keep up your stats.  I’ll shoot with you if you want.”

“Thanks, Mickey.  I’d like that.”

“Then maybe we can go out to a pub after.”

“Oh, I don’t know, we’ll see.”

“Rose, you never go out.  You need to hang out with the team after hours, get to know them better.  They’re good blokes, you know.”

“I know, it’s just…” Rose left the sentence unfinished, but Mickey nodded anyway. 

“Making some friends, it’s not so bad, Rose.  He’d want you to have friends.”  Rose had no argument for that.

They’d arrived at her desk and she blocked him from coming into her cubical.  For some reason she wanted to open her mystery package by herself.  “I got a couple of things to do before the briefing.  Save me a seat?”

“Tyler!  Smith! Briefing room.  We’ve got a visitor,” called out their team leader Danny Pink. 

Rose reluctantly shoved her mystery package into a drawer and hurried after Mickey to the glass enclosed room in the center of the cubical cluster.  All the blinds had been shuttered so she could not see who their guest was until she walked inside.


	3. Jack and the Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a new guy at Torchwood and Rose finally gets to open that mysterious box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanging out in Pete's World for this chapter, but the Doctor is never far away.

Bright blue eyes, cleft chin, dazzling white smile.  It was all Rose could do not to react to the tall dark haired man who lounged against the side of the conference table.  “Remember, it ain’t him.  Well, it is him obviously but it’s not really,” Mickey whispered in her ear as he made a show of closing the door behind them.  Mickey had years more experience meeting this universe’s versions of people they knew from before. 

“Good morning everyone.  Team, this is Agent Jack Harkness from Torchwood Three,” began Danny as way of introduction once everyone found a seat.

“I thought Torchwood Three was destroyed in the Cyber War,” commented Jake.

“It was, but now they are reorganizing and rebuilding. Jack, this is Jake Simmons, our weapons expert and second level chemist,” Danny explained.  He pointed to Jake’s right, “This is Dr. Martha Jones – medical doctor and xenobiologist, this is Mickey Smith, our computer expert and this is Rose Tyler, our alien advisor.”

Jack nodded to each person in turn.  When he got to Rose, he raised his dark eyebrows slightly, “An alien advisor?  She looks very human to me.”

Rose laughed self consciously, “I’m very human; just know a bit about aliens.”

“She has a real gift for understanding alien cultures and protocols.  We’ve been able to avert a couple of difficult situations since she’s joined the team,” Danny smiled proudly at Rose.  “She figured out the blood control tactic during the Sycorax invasion just last Christmas.  I sure you heard about that?”  Agent Harkness nodded slowly, eyeing her carefully.    “Everyone, Jack is here on loan to us for a few months.  Commander Oswin has assigned him to our team since we’re a man down with Cooper away on mat- leave.  He’ll be watching our operations and seeing what he can implement back at home.  And I should warn you, he will try and recruit you to go back to America with him.  You’re all under strict orders to ignore said invitations.”

“Aw Danny, I haven’t even started,” Jack drawled giving Martha a flirtatious wink.

“Don’t.  Just don’t,” Danny jokingly growled. 

Rose watched the exchange with a strong feeling of déjà vu.  She tried to find some little things that made this Jack different, but for all intents and purposes he was the same man who had rescued her from the barrage balloon in the middle of the London Blitz.  Of course her Jack was a 51st century ex-Time Agent and this Jack was a 21st century Torchwood operative, yet their voices, mannerisms, even clothing choices were eerily the same.  She would have to be careful around him and not presume upon remembered affection and connections.

“Well we know what Jack wants from us, but what will he be bringing to the team?” challenged Mickey. He had noticed the close scrutiny Jack had given Rose and he felt a protective urge.  The Doctor wasn’t here; somebody else would need to look after Rose with Captain Cheesecake on the loose.

“I’m like Rose here, I know a bit about aliens.  Maybe between the two of us, we can fill in each other’s data bases.  I’ve noticed different creatures seem to come through different parts of the rift.  And of course there’s the space junk to analyze.” Jack was looking at her again.  “I’d like to compare notes with you, Rose.”

Jake snorted and muttered under his breath, “Yeah, I bet you would mate.”   _Good luck to you_ , he silently added, _nobody gets anywhere with Rose Tyler_.  Martha elbowed him and he raised his hand in mock surrender.  No, he wasn’t bitter.

“Well information sharing will have to wait.  We’ve had a complaint from London Transport about some unusual activity,” Danny reported handing a print out to the team. “How about some field action on your first morning, Jack?”

“Nothing new about that,” Jack answered with a grin.

 

 

The complaint turned out to be a mild incident dealing with Anphrycats –passive creatures that liked to dwell in the busy tunnels of the tube and existed by taking nutrients out of the polluted air and digesting  the metal filings left by the passing tube cars.  They had co-existed in the system for nearly a year and were actually beneficial to air quality and waste maintenance.  Nothing would have been a problem if a maintenance crew hadn’t stumbled upon the little colony and accidentally injured one of the pregnant females.  Apparently all passivity disappears during the procreation period.  The team successfully relocated the colony to a lesser traveled part of the tunnels and ongoing negotiations would create a schedule whereby the Anphrycats could return to the busy areas at appropriate times and return with food to the more secluded areas during gestation and birth seasons. Luckily all births in the colony seemed to happen in one five-month season and only every second year.

The team came back to Torchwood grimy but pleased with the peaceful settlement of the situation.  After everyone hit the showers, Oswin dispatched members to their secondary roles: research, repair, and reconnaissance.  Rose debated on putting in her necessary hours at the shooting range early, but Mickey had a computer program slated for beta testing, and Rose remembered the package that still sat unopened inside her desk. 

She went to her cubical and logged in, pulling up some random files of space junk that she was studying. This way she could look busy if someone popped in to see.  Once her ruse was in place, she checked to make sure she was unobserved and pulled out her mysterious delivery.

Rose studied the package in her hand.  The plain black plastic wrap gave no clue to the sender.  It was well sealed so there was no hint of its contents.  She knew it had been scanned by security before it made it to Oswin’s office, so there was no danger of a bomb but still Rose felt nervous.  She also knew it had passed through half a dozen hands by now so there was no chance of lifting useful fingerprints. Who sent it?  What was it?  Why did it come here? She supposed her working for Torchwood was public knowledge and her apartment address was unlisted, but not impossible to figure out.  And why did it have to be hand delivered instead of dropped on her desk?  Carefully she slid a nail under the tape and peeled back the plastic wrap.

It was a generic white box, exactly the kind you could get at any gift shop. How unsatisfying after the adrenaline rush of peeling off the wrapping.  Taking a deep breath Rose lifted the lid.  Inside was an old fashioned photo album.  She dumped it into her hand and quickly opened the cover.

Rose gasped and almost dropped it.  Staring back at her was her face.  She was looking over her shoulder at something behind the camera.  Curious, she turned the page and bit back a cry.  It was a photo of her and the Doctor taken from their first visit to this universe!  It looked like a blow up of some CCT footage, probably just before they’d discovered the Lumic ear pieces everyone else was wearing back then.  With a shaking finger she traced the Doctor’s image.  How she missed him!  Anxious now, she quickly turned the page.  Another picture of the two of them: dressed as servers at Jackie’s doomed birthday party.  It was a press photo, enlarged and cropped to feature them in the back of the party goers.  There was one more photo, more security footage, also from Pete’s mansion.  It was grainy and somewhat blurry, but it was them running hand in hand across the lawn.  On this picture was a yellow sticky note with a computer printed message: _“Who are you Rose Tyler and who is this man?”_

She turned back to the first photo of the two of them.  Whoever the sender was, they had just presented her with a most precious gift.  “Someone’s asking questions, Doctor,” she whispered to his image.  “What am I going to do?”

 

 

 “So, what are you going to do?” Mickey asked handing her back the photo album.  She had cornered him in the empty locker room after their shooting range exercise to show him what had been delivered.

“Find out who sent it, of course, and then find out what they want to do about it.”

“Fingerprints?”

“No, nothing so easy.  By the time I got it it had passed through too many hands.  If there had been any, they are hopeless smudged.  I didn’t want to send this to the lab for anything in-depth for fear of raising questions.  I don’t think they’d find anything anyway.  This person is too careful.”

“Well, what about the security cameras in the lobby?  Someone had to deliver this.”

“It was a teen and he kept his face away from the camera.”

“But maybe Donna could identify him.  Maybe he’s delivered here before.  If we can find him we can trace back to your sender.”

“I suppose.  I just don’t want people getting suspicious, so I have to be very, very careful asking questions.  I can’t explain these photos, Mickey.  Nobody can know about the Doctor or how I got here.”

“You don’t think I know that?” Mickey was well aware of how challenging it was to integrate into another universe.  At least he and Jackie were replacing their deceased doppelgangers.  Rose never had anyone to replace.  Careful stories had been crafted to explain her sudden appearance as the daughter of a famous couple.  Only her most intimate circle and two top level lawyers knew the truth, and even they did not know the whole story.

“I know you know, Mickey.  I’m sorry.  This has got me rattled.”  Rose carefully tucked the photo album in the bottom of her knapsack and set some dirty clothes in on top of it.  Taking laundry home was routine after a mission so her precious cargo was safe from observant eyes.  High security could be wonderful, but sometimes it was also a real burden.

“Donna’s probably gone home by now, so let’s talk to her in the morning.  Did you keep the box and wrapping?”

“Yeah, in my desk.  No clues there though – just a plain box and unmarked wrapping plastic.”

“Still, maybe I can take a look, or give it to the lab.  I’ll make up some excuse,” Mickey offered.  He was worried for Rose.  Just as she was settling into her new life her past was coming back to haunt her yet again.  He looked into her eyes to see if the hollow emptiness was back.  Just because she looked okay didn’t mean she actually was.  “You okay, Rose?” her childhood friend asked.

She smiled at him, “You know, I actually am.  Sure this mystery’s got me spooked, but really I’m okay.  I might have got a shock today, but I also got a precious gift.  I never thought I’d see the Doctor again and now I actually have three pictures of him.  I am so grateful for that.”

“Yeah sure, I guess that’s right.  Just so long as you’re okay with being reminded… you know…”

Rose put a reassuring hand on her friend’s arm.  “Mickey I don’t need reminding.  I’m never going to forget.  I don’t want to forget – it’s how I can be who I am now.”  She slung the knapsack over her shoulder and turned to the door.  “Ready?  You can give me a lift home.”

Mickey shook his head in silent admiration and followed her out.


	4. All Work And No Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of fluff but if you look there are plot bunnies among the fuzzies.

Rose sat with the open album on her lap, fingering the key on the chain around her neck.  This had become her routine ever since she had brought the mysterious photos home last week.  As she had expected they had found nothing that could help them find the sender.  She gazed at the second picture, the one of her and the Doctor on the streets of this world’s London.  Looking at his face made it easier to hear him in her head – the funny things he’d say when he was nervous, the serious things he’d say when he was angry, and the silly things he’d say when he was scared and didn’t want her to know it.  All his words of wisdom and nonsense would come back to her and she would find herself laughing or crying for no outward reason.  She was very thankful she didn’t have to have a roomie – they’d think her balmy for chatting up a photograph every morning and night. 

Yet some of what she could recall was really useful in her work with Torchwood.  The tricky part was being sparing and sometimes cryptic.  It wouldn’t do to seem to know too much and not be able to explain how she knew.  At the end of her day, she’d sit with him and tell him all about it.  She’d tell him about the people she worked with and the people she met, about the missions she went on and the wonders she’d seen.  She told him about Jack, how she would catch him watching her almost like she was a puzzle for him to figure out.  She confessed her struggles not to be too familiar with this man who reminded her of her old friend.  She felt so lonely at times and longed for every little connection with her old life.  In her caution to keep things straight and her secret safe, she felt stiff and unnatural around Jack and she wished it could be different.  The others had easily fallen under the infamous Harkness charm and were beginning to notice her reserve.  Even Mickey – who really knew better – had been pressuring her to loosen up and enjoy the friendships she could have in the here and now.

Of course the Doctor was silent on offering up wisdom in the relationship department. 

Rose huffed her frustration, closed the album and shuffled off to bed.  She was no closer to finding out who had sent her the pictures, but as time passed she was feeling less upset and more grateful toward whomever for giving them to her.  She would never have thought to comb through CCTV or media coverage on the off chance of finding a reminder of their brief visit. She’d never really thought of them leaving so much as a footprint on all the wonderful places she and the Doctor had visited.  Well, that was until she met Elton and the whole LINDA gang.  Yet without any follow up notes or demands from the mystery sender, the whole issue was slowly fading into the background of her awareness.

Her cell phone rang from its charger cradle.  Of the very few who had her number, who could be calling?  Rose looked at the screen but the number was blocked.  She considered ignoring it – probably some telemarketer or prankster, but then curiosity won out.

“Hello?”

“Rose!”

“Mickey, how come your number didn’t show on my screen?”

“Cuz I borrowed Jack’s phone.  My battery’s dead, again.  I think I need a new one.”

Rose strained to hear him over the background noise.  “Where are you?”

“Brandigan’s Pub.  Rose you gotta come.  They’re having a karaoke night and first prize is 75 quid!”

“Oh, I don’t know.  I was thinking of turning in…”

“Are you kidding me?  It’s just gone 10 p.m. and I know you have the next two days off.  Come one Rose,” the background noise was suddenly muffled as if Mickey was trying to not be over heard.  “We talked about this.  You need to hang out with the team in the off hours.  What better time than now?”

Rose rolled her eyes at Mickey’s wheedling tone.  He was right; she needed to make better connections with the people she was entrusting her life to.  And Jack was there, maybe now was the chance to learn more about him and make a new old friend.  “Yeah, alright.  I’ll have to get dressed.  See you later.”  It wasn’t until after she hung up that she realized that thanks to Mickey Jack now had her personal cell phone number.

Rose walked into Brandigan’s Pub about half an hour later.  The place was packed and the party well underway for some.  She hadn’t spent a lot of time on her appearance – she wasn’t looking to attract a guy, not like the old days when she’d go clubbing with Shireen.  She was here to work on friendships and have a few laughs at the karaoke singers.  Craning her neck, she spotted the gang at a table and booth over in the far corner.  No one was particularly looking for her, so she made her way across the room on her own.  A few leering looks and one passing bum pinch, and she almost made it. 

“Hey babe, you looking for me?” slurred the man who now stood in her path. 

“Nope.  Just going to join my friends, over there.” Rose moved to sidestep him, but he wavered back into her path and leaned over her.  Rose could smell the booze on his hot breath.

“Oh you don’t want to do that.  You want to be my friend.  I can be real friendly, pretty lady.”

Rose had already assessed the easiest way to neutralize this annoyance when a large hand clamped down on the man’s shoulder and pushed him back into his chair.  “Sorry mate,” interjected Jack Harkness.  “I’m afraid this lady has a previous engagement.  Excuse us.”  With that, he gestured for Rose to walk past.  The other men at the drunk’s table laughed and began slapping him on the back.

“Sure thing Mr. Harkness!  Didn’t know she was with you now did we, boys?”

“Mr. Harkness?”  Rose parroted with a look of surprise between him and the other men.

Jack flashed a grin and shrugged.  “It pays to know people in all sorts of places, Rose.  I call it networking.”

“For someone who’s only been in town a week, you sure work fast.”

“Who said I’d only been here a week?” was his cryptic reply, but before Rose could comment they had reached the others.

Greetings were called out and Martha made room for Rose beside her in the booth.  A waitress appeared out of nowhere and took her drink order.  She listened to the conversations going around and across their table: the merits of various football teams; the best deal to be had on cell phones at the moment; the noisy family that lived below Martha.  Her drink arrived and Jake pushed the basket of pretzels into her reach.

A gangly youth – barely legal age, if Rose was going to guess – took to the stage and did an impressive version of a Guns & Roses hit.  He was followed by a middle aged man who crooned an Elvis ballad who was followed by a middle aged woman who crucified a pop tune Rose had never heard before.

“Oh, we can do better than that, eh Micks?” called Martha.  She grabbed the song list card from the middle of the table and scanned the list.  “Here.  You and me, let’s do # 407.  What do think?”  She handed the card to Mickey who looked at the song and grinned.  “Oh yeah!  Smith & Jones are going to get themselves 75 quid!”  He pushed away from the table and headed for the DJ booth where people submitted their names and song requests.

“I didn’t know you sang,” Rose commented to Martha.

“Sang in the church choir until I was 14,” she replied.  “Bit different this, but we’ve come out a few times.  After a couple of beers, I get up the courage.  It’s a lot of fun and nobody really cares how good you are.”  Rose smiled.  Mickey was right: she’d been missing out.

“Do you sing, Rose?”

Rose turned to find bright blue eyes trained on her.  She shrugged.  Singing in the shower hardly qualified and it had been years – truly another lifetime– since her days with Jimmy Stone and his band.  “Not for a long time,” she replied, “How about you?”

“Oh, I’ve been known to belt out a show tune now and then.”

“Yeah, I swear Jack knows every word to every song Gilbert and Sullivan ever wrote!” Jake groaned.  “You didn’t have ride with him to Cornwall the other day.”

“And don’t forget Rogers & Hammerstein and Disney too,” laughed Jack.  “I just stuck to G&S out of respect for your British sensibilities.”

Jake moaned and banged his head on the table dramatically. “Please Danny don’t make me ride with him again.”  Everyone laughed good-naturedly.

“It could be worse, Jake.  He could be tone deaf like our fearless team leader.” Martha soothed patting his back sympathetically.

“I resemble that!” Danny quipped with a smile.  “But we can’t all be nightingales.”

Mickey returned to their table and before long he and Martha’s name were called.  Martha had a smoky alto which blended well with Mickey’s baritone.  They sang Meatloaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.”  Rose laughed so hard at the campy acting bits they added that tears stung her eyes and her sides hurt.  They got a rousing cheer from the room and one tipsy patron offered to buy their next round of drinks.  Mickey went to the bar to collect their freebies and then stopped at the DJ booth before coming back.

When he got to the table he was wearing the smile Rose recognized as his something-is-up look, but before she could find out what, the DJ was calling out “Jack Harkness and Rose Tyler, you’re up next!”

“Mickey!  You didn’t” she hissed, but he just grinned all the more.  “Aw come on Rose.  Get your butt out of that booth and go have fun.”

Jack was holding out his hand to her.  “I believe they’re calling our name, Rose.  What song are we singing?”

“I don’t know!  Ask Mickey!”

“Oh just get up there.  You’ll know it, don’t worry!”  But Rose was worried, obviously Mickey had a few too many and was taking chances she didn’t like.

Automatically she stood as Jack tugged on her arm.  Before she knew what she was doing – had she had too much to drink too, she wondered – he was leading her up on stage and putting her before one of the mics.  Rose found the karaoke teleprompter and waited nervously for the song to load.  She snuck a glance at her singing partner.  Jack winked and smiled encouragingly.  He had a solid reputation in the bar as a terrific singer.  One bad song if it was with a very pretty girl, wasn’t going to damage his image beyond anything his ego couldn’t recover from.

The song title rolled onto the screen and it was all Rose to do not to groan out loud:  Theme Song from “Beauty and the Beast”.  She just had time to shoot a murderous glare in Mickey’s direction and then had to focus on the screen.  Female voice went first.

“Tale as old as time, true as it can be…” as she sang out the first words, the volume of background noise in the bar dropped.  Rose attributed it to her concentration but in reality her clear pure voice was casting a spell on the room.  Rose knew this song, loved this movie, but here in this universe as with so many things there were subtle little differences.  She stumbled over the new words and had to focus on what she was doing so as not to make a glaring mistake.

Jack kept his shock to himself as he heard Rose begin to sing.  He knew the song off by heart, so he was able to keep his eyes trained on her and just enjoy it.  Her slight hesitation over some of the lyrics caught his attention.  Was it nerves?  He didn’t think so for she seemed too into the song to be caught with stage fright.  How could she be unfamiliar with this song and yet sing the tune so masterfully?

When Jack began the male part, Rose grinned in pleasant surprise.  She’d never heard Jack sing before and he truly had a beautiful tenor.  When they came to the chorus, their voices blended easily and they seemed to spur each other on as the ballad built to the big finish.

When the song was done they got a standing ovation.  Rose and Jack laughed and bowed before running back to the team’s table.  “Mickey Smith, you’re a dead man,” Rose laughed as she threatened to up end her beer on his head.

“No Rose, that was fantastic!” Martha enthused.  “We had no idea you could sing!”  Jake and Danny made similar comments.

“I knew she could,” bragged Mickey, “Just had to get her out of her shell that’s all.”

The pounding of beer mugs was steadily growing louder until it finally got their attention.  “Looks like they want an encore!” shouted Jack.

Rose shook her head, “No I couldn’t.  I don’t know what to sing.”

Jack shrugged, “Didn’t seem to be a problem the last time; we can let Mickey pick.”

“No, really I couldn’t,” she repeated.  Rose was worried that more songs would have word changes and she wouldn’t be able to follow along. 

“If you can’t do a second song, you’re disqualified from the contest,” Danny pointed out.

“I can’t.  Not tonight.”

Jack nodded and stood up on his chair to give a piercing whistle.  “Sorry folks that’s it.  She’s just a one-song wonder.”

There were some groans and cat calls and then attention shifted away from them and back to the business of drinking, darts and other contestants. Jake and Danny threw some darts, Martha and Mickey sang their second song and Jack kept Rose entertained with some stories about life in America. 

Every time he asked her questions about herself, she was able to either sidestep the question or give a rehearsed response but as she grew more and more tired and the alcohol took effect, she was finding it harder to navigate his questions with unrevealing truths.  Eventually Rose pretended she could stifle her yawns no longer.  “I’m sorry, Jack.  It’s not that your boring company, but I’m knackered.  I was getting ready for bed when Mickey called me down here and it’s now hours later.  I should be going.”

“Before they announce the winner?”

Rose chuckled, “I’m sure I’ll hear all about it.  Either Mickey will be crowing about being flush or bemoaning the fact that it’s all rigged anyway.”

Jack laughed at her practical wisdom.  “At least let me take you home.”

“Oh, don’t let me cut your night short.  I’ll be fine.”

“My night’s pretty much over.  I’d rather go now too.  And I’d like to see that you get out of here without anymore drunken advances made on you.”

Rose laughed, “Does that mean I’m safe from you too?”

Jack was suddenly sober. “Do you want to be?”

Rose quickly matched him for seriousness.  “Yes, I do.  I like you Jack, but one: I won’t date someone I’m work with and two: I already have someone special in my life.”

Jack nodded thoughtfully and then smiled disarmingly.  “I like you too Rose and I can respect your boundaries.”

“Okay then, you can take me home if the offer still stands.”  He already had her private cell phone number; he might as well have her address too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John Barrowman and Billie Piper are both singers and John is a huge fan of musical theater. I can totally believe that he would have all those show tunes memorized.


	5. Ripples in the Pond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two different points in the Doctor's time line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've been hanging out with Rose for quite a bit. Time again to see things from the Doctor's POV. Hopefully I've made it clear where we are.

The Doctor hustled Amy into the TARDIS and swiftly sent them into the Time Vortex.  He danced around the console hitting buttons and switching switches.  She leaned against the railing and watched impatiently.

“Doctor?”

“Hmmmm?”

“You’re humming.”

“I am?  Yes, I am.  I don’t recognize the tune though, do you? Rather catchy don’t you think?”

“Doctor, just what happened back there?”

“Didn’t we explain it?  I thought we did.  You and I met my younger self – a previous regeneration.  I promised to tell you about regeneration, I didn’t I – “

Amy cut him off before he ran down that rabbit trail. “No, Doctor.  Regeneration sounds fascinating and you can explain it to me later.  Right now I want to know what happened.”

“Ah, I see.  Well to be precise I persuaded myself to change my timeline in his not too distance future – my past, as it were.”

“What?”

“Time travel Amy Pond.”

“Yes, but why?  One minute we’re watching _It’s A Wonderful Life_ with Rory and his dad and the next minute you’re sneaking us out the back garden door for a little side trip.”

“I was inspired,” he grinned, eyes bright and happy for a change.

“Doctor, Rose Tyler… who is Rose Tyler to you?”

“Rose,” the Doctor’s smile softened.  “Rose Marion Tyler is the true keeper of my hearts.  She stole them from me just after the Time War and I've never had the strength to take them back. But we were separated before I got the courage to tell her.  It’s my Great Regret.”

“How were you separated?  What happened?  Did she… she didn’t die, did she?”

“She fell into a parallel world and is trapped there.  She can’t get out and I can’t get in.  Well she did get out for a little bit but then there was the reality bomb and dalek’s and well…she’s there now.  But she’s got her mum and her new dad and, erm, a biological-meta-crisis version of me.” He rushed the last few words, clearly uncomfortable.

“A what?”  Amy was struggling to make sense of the Doctor’s fragmented story.

He hated to talk about his past – particularly that part.  _Why had he thought to bring Amy along with his Big Idea? And why was he capitalizing things in his head?_ “Oh, it’s complicated!” he shouted. 

“I can see that!” she shouted right back at him.

“You, well, you see it pretty well then.” As quickly as he was frustrated, he was deflated.  In the grand scheme of things he’d still lose Rose.

“No I don’t.  Why did you have to go back into your past?  What do you mean when you say you changed your own time line?”

“I persuaded myself to be honest with Rose before it’s too late.” _At least he could give her that and in so doing rid himself of his Great Regret if not his Great Love._

“And did it work?”  Amy’s voice had softened.  She was a romantic and learning that the Doctor had fallen in love and was still in love endeared him to her even more.  She was flattered that he had taken her to meet Rose.

“What?”

“Well, did you do it?  Do you remember telling her?  You’d remember something like that now wouldn’t you?”

“Of course, I’d remember something as important as that… which I don’t actually yet…interesting.”  The Doctor paced rubbing his hands together in thought.  “I could feel the timelines shifting as soon as I agreed with me to do it, but now as we move further from that nexus point I feel pretty much as always.” He shrugged. “I guess that reality hasn’t caught up with me yet.”

“What’ll happen when it does?”

“I have no idea – isn't that exciting?”

“It’s mad!”

“Is there a difference?”

 

 

The Doctor knew he was dealing with a very special man.  Of course earth history had already declared him special, so had half the galaxy once humanity took to the stars, but as he showed him the psychic paper he knew in that instant he was a very, very special man and not only that, he was important.

Shakespeare was amused by the blank paper and then latched onto the word “psychic” and toyed with the word as one would a new marvel.  Martha was confused since the psychic paper worked on her, displaying exactly what the Doctor wanted to be read.  The Doctor was bemused.  Across from him sat a man whose genius defied convention – he was an anomaly for this time and place – somewhat like himself in that respect.  The Doctor reserved judgement on whether Shakespeare was actually a human born in 1564 Earth England. 

He was certainly observant and insightful.  Within hours of meeting him William Shakespeare had already deduced that the Doctor had wisdom and experience beyond normal (“Why are your eyes so old?”), that Martha did not understand him (“He is as much a surprise to you as he is to me”) and that the Doctor has hiding his true self (“You give a constant performance”).  Such brilliance was attractive to the Doctor and made him entertain – ever so briefly – inviting him to be a companion.  After all, he’d only promised Martha one quick trip as reward for her help with the Judoon and soon he’d need another distraction.

It was hard, so very, very hard to be without her.  He did not regret falling in love only in losing her before her time.  All the advice, the rules, the traditions... they’d had a purpose once upon a time. But that had all changed in a moment.  He thought he’d felt alone then, but now he felt it more.  They were all gone – there was no one to remember her with him.  Donna and Martha listened, but he could see it in their eyes, they didn’t _know_ her.  How could they?  As he lay beside Martha puzzling away at the evidence of witchcraft, another part of him longed for Rose and he suddenly thought of Jack. He should really look up Jack.  As much as it made his skin crawl and head pound to be around him, at least he knew Rose.  He could share that joy with him.  That would help for a bit.

Thoughts of reunions disappeared with the dying scream of another victim and the Doctor was on the case.   Yet all the time he was busy discovering what was going on behind the scenes, the truths... the words... were reminding him of something else, something personal.

“Oh head, think, think, think!  Words, letters, numbers, things...!  But theater is magic isn’t it? ...say the right words with the right emphasis at the right time... (I love you!  Quite right too...).  Oh, you can make men weep or cry with joy.  You can change them.  You can change people’s minds with just words...” He had an epiphany that he had to toss in a memory pocket to examine later when he was alone. 

In an attempt to explain the mechanics of the Infinite Temporal Flux to Martha he managed to scare himself with an image of Rose fading away before his eyes just like Marty Mc Fly.  “Everything ends right now in 1599 if we don’t stop it.”  Suddenly the stakes were high indeed.  There was no more time to lie about or be amused with playing word games.   

“The power of naming won’t work on me,” he told Lilith, but he was wrong.  His own name was so deeply buried that he was even beginning to forget it, but there was another name with which his identity was entwined and Lilith could read it as easily as a the actors read a script.

“But your heart grows cold (she stood on that Norwegian beach), the north wind blows (he watched her push her hair off her face) and carries down the distant (parallel world no less)...Rose.”

“Oh, big mistake,” love burned away any coolness the Doctor had about how to deal with the ancient Carrionites,“...that name keeps me fighting!”  He might not always remember who he was, but he could always remember who he loved.  That golden nugget of truth rested securely between his beating hearts and warmed him.

As Lilith explained to him how they had used Shakespeare to accomplish their goals, the Doctor was confronted with more similarities.  “The grief of a genius,” Lilith described, “Grief without measure.  The madness allowed us entrance.”  The Doctor could understand that level of grief.  He remembered how Donna had had to intervene as he destroyed the Racknoss.  Such darkness...such loneliness... and they had been apart for such a short time!

“We are alike in many ways,” Shakespeare told the Doctor and the Doctor could not disagree.  Both of them used words to shape reality.  Both of them knew deep loss.  One of them had channelled the pain into art which would be immortal.  The other one had things to consider.

An unexpected appearance of Queen Elizabeth and her great anger toward him intrigued the Doctor – they hadn’t met for the first time yet.  So there was hope.  The Doctor quite liked hope.

Words.  Hope.  Perhaps listening to his future self had a greater impact on his destiny than he had first considered.  Had this been the adventure that set the wheels in motion so that his future self would be emboldened to break rules and cross timelines and demand he do the forbidden?  That loop was now complete but the ripples of his choice continued to move ever outward...

 


	6. True Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose learns who sent her the photo album.

After the night at Brandigan’s Pub, Rose allowed herself to strike up a friendship with Jack or Jack 2.0 as she referred to him in her head.  She liked his sense of humour and easy casualness; it had been a nice foil to the Doctor’s broody intensity then and it was a welcome balance to the quasi military atmosphere of Torchwood now.  She appreciated his professional skills and bravery.   He’d slid into their team effortlessly and Rose felt safe around him on assignments.  She loved the connection – no matter how tenuous – to her past life that being around Jack 2.0 made her feel.

Occasionally she caught him watching her with an inscrutable expression, but it didn’t make her squirm inside as it had in the weeks before.   They’d been sitting in a surveillance van for the last few hours with nothing happening.   Finally she called him on it. 

“What is it Jack Harkness?  Do I have spinach stuck to my teeth, or what?” she tilted her head and smiled to let him know she wasn’t upset, just curious.

“Who are you, Rose Tyler?”

The smile slid off her face.  Was it just a coincidence that was the same question on the mystery photos?  Affecting nonchalance she shrugged.  “You know: Vitex heiress, Torchwood agent, and closet show tunes singer.  That’s me.”

Jack shook his head slowly.  “That’s who you want people to think you are.  I’m interested in the real Rose Tyler: the one who had a life before eight months ago.”

Rose was fervently grateful that they were alone in.  “You sent me the package.”

“Yes.”

“How? Why?”

“I’ll answer the second question first.  You are an enigma.  You are an unknown – albeit a very beautiful unknown.  The story the world’s been told is just that: a story.  I need to know why and what you want.  What are you planning?”  Jack had slipped into his interrogation persona.  His eyes were cold and his words were clipped.

Rose stared straight ahead.  Ever since she’d opened the package she knew that someday she would have to answer those questions.  The fact that it was Jack who was doing the asking made it a slightly more acceptable situation.  “And the how?” she asked, keeping her voice carefully neutral.

“Your sudden appearance as Peter & Jacqueline Tyler’s long lost daughter drew a lot of attention.  Part of my job is to watch for that kind of interesting development.  I ran a face recognition program through some archives and found those images of you taken just before the cybermen invasion. You were in the company of a yet-to-be-identified man.”

Rose nodded, still keeping her eyes on the windshield.  “There was a lot of chaos during that time.  People went missing.  Records were destroyed.”

“True, but the two of you were invisible before then and completed vanished after.  Then you suddenly reappear a few months ago.  Rose Tyler, according to our data base, and it is extremely large mind you, you never existed until that invasion.”

“That’s impossible,” she succeeded in keeping the tremor out of her voice.

“Is it? I’ve seen a lot of impossible things.  So have you.  At the risk of repeating myself: who are you Rose Tyler?”

She flicked at gaze at him before returning to her study of their surroundings.  “You’d never believe me.”

“Try me.”

“If I tell you I’m not here for any nefarious purposes, if I tell you I was never supposed to be here and I have no intentions of staying any longer than I have to, will you drop this?”

“No.”

“Jack.”

“Rose.”

Rose twisted in her seat to face him.  “Jack, I want to tell you.  Believe me, I want very badly to confide in you, but what will you do with this information?  It’s not just me I need to think about.”

Jack lightly touched her shoulder. “Rose, I like you.  I like you a lot.  I want to trust you, in fact I find myself trusting you even though I have all these questions.  Trust me in turn.  If I can, I will help you, but I have to know what’s going on.”

They stared at each for a very long few seconds before Rose took a leap of faith to believe that Jack 2.0 would be as much of a friend as the original Jack had been and told him her story.  She side stepped as many details about the Doctor as she could, stating only that they were both from an alternate universe and their first visit here had been the result of their ship malfunctioning, which had turned out to be very timely since they had been able to help defeat Lumic and his cybermen.

 She explained that her second appearance was the result of an accident during a battle at a place called Canary Wharf – not to be confused with the amusement park by the same name in this universe.  In an effort to protect her mum and Mickey she didn’t mention their points of origin although from some of the questions Jack was interjecting she realized he was making all the right assumptions, about Jackie, about Mickey and even about the Doctor (at least in terms of who he was to her).

“So,” she concluded, “for better or worse this is my home for now.  I’m stuck here until I can figure a way back.”

Jack didn’t even blink when Rose talked about the existence of an alternate universe.  He too could take a leap of faith when it was needed. All the little inconsistencies he’d noticed with Rose: the subtle changes in the lyrics of well known songs, lack of knowledge or incorrect details in historical and political events, her surprise at the discovery of Canary Wharf Amusement Park – just the most famous tourist attraction in south Wales; all of them made perfect sense now. He even accepted the existence of Time Lords and the fact that once upon a time they could cross between universes in stride.  He could even understand the existence of a void in principle.  When he had to be, Jack Harkness was nothing if not flexible.

“You say there are so many parallels between this universe and your own – even the same people more or less.  I wonder why there is no alternative Rose Tyler or even a Time Lord Doctor here.”

“I don’t really know.  I think I remember the Doctor saying time lords were duplicated because they existed outside of real time and space. And as for me well, it sure was embarrassing when I found out that the Rose in this Pete & Jackie Tyler’s life was actually a little dog!  Cute mind you, but still a dog!”

They shared a chuckle, then Jack asked, “So at the risk of sounding narcissistic, what’s the other Jack like?”

“Like you mostly:  same personality, same fashion sense.  Although when I first met him he was a con man trying to sell us what he thought was some space junk and was actually a Chulla war ambulance.  It turned out that he used to be a Time Agent from the future, but somehow he got two years of his memories wiped and was kicked out of the Agency.  After the Game Station, I lost track of him.  I never understood why, but I definitely missed him.”

Jack had a strange look on his face.  All the details Rose was throwing at him, the obscure references to unknown places and events were not what had him rattled.  Now it was his turn to study the windshield.  “I guess since this seems to be a night of True Confessions, I have something I should tell you.  And as much as I am holding your information in confidence, you must hold mine.  I don’t really work for Torchwood 3.  I’m a Time Agent from the 51st century…” Rose was shocked but quickly accepted this strange twist of coincidence, “…sent here to discover why a particular person who has no record of existence suddenly appears as a potentially powerful rich woman working for a highly sensitive and secretive organization.”

“Torchwood is a public organization.”

Jack rolled his eyes, “Yeah, right.”

“Well, it’s less secretive than its counterpart from where I come from.  Their mucking about is what ended up stranding me here in the first place.”

“It still has its share of classified projects and you know it.”

“Yeah, well okay, but I don’t mean anybody any harm,” Rose couldn’t help sounding defensive.  “In fact my past life experience has been really helpful.  And it’s not my fault that this Pete Tyler made a success for himself and became the CEO of Torchwood.”

Jack threw his hands up in surrender.  “Hey, take it easy!  I know all that now, but at the time you raised a bunch of flags and my superiors sent me to check you out.  That’s all.”

“So, do you have to report on me?  What will happen then?  I don’t want to be anyone’s lab specimen.”

“I’ve been reporting on you, and so far you haven’t done anything that makes them want to haul you in for testing.  Although that may change…”

“What? Why?”

“I pinched your glass from the pub the other night and sent it back for DNA analysis.”

“Oh!”  Rose was dismayed that Jack had been able to do that without her noticing; so much for her being ever vigilant. “Well that should be fine,” she dismissed.  “I mean, I’m just a human after all.”

“Well I didn’t know that for sure at the time.”

Rose worried at her thumbnail, “So now that you do know, we’re good, yeah?”

“We’re good.  I like you Rose Tyler-From-Another-Universe.  I’m sorry you got trapped here, but I’m also very, very glad to meet you.”  Jack was amping up the charm and giving her his special Harkness dimpled grin.

Rose laughed and shook her head, “Oh no Jack, I know that look – it’s that same look!  I like you a lot but only as a good friend.  My heart is someplace else.”

“But your body isn’t.” he winked suggestively.

“Nope.  Sorry.  As much as you’re fantastic, if I’m to believe even half the stories I’ve heard, I’m afraid I will only ever see you as a friend with no benefits.  My other Jack was like the big brother I never had.”

“Big brother, eh?  Well that is awkward, and it’s going to be expensive.”

“Expensive? “

“Oh, nothing.”

“Jack, come on – true confessions, remember?  ‘Fess up to old Rose.”

He winced and even had the grace to look embarrassed.  “Promise you won’t hold it against me?”

“Nope.”

Jack frowned, genuinely concerned that this could damage their budding friendship.  He was surprised that he cared so much.  “Okay… well… you know that key you always wear?”  Rose had to stop herself from touching it.  “I asked Mickey about it.  Some of the other guys overheard my question.  One of them – I suspect a jilted admirer – said it was the key to your heart and that nobody was man enough to win it.  One thing led to another and before I knew it, I was placing a bet on myself.”

“A bet?  Like in who was going to win my heart, or was it just to get in my bed?”  Rose was more amused than upset.  She knew what locker room talk was like and she knew her apparent singleness was fodder for gossip and speculation.  “So which way did Mickey bet?”

“Against.”

“Smart man,” She pulled the key out from under her shirt, “This key is the only thing I have from my universe.  It’s my last link to what I left behind.”

“You mean who, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” she confessed softly, rubbing the TARDIS key between her finger and thumb.  “Sorry you lost your bet.  I hope it wasn’t a lot of money.”

Jack grinned.  He was more relieved than he cared to admit about how well Rose was taking this.  “Well, if you’re really sorry, we could pretend I won and split the pot.  And if you don’t want to pretend…”he arched an eyebrow suggestively.

Rose laughed, “Oh Jack!  Don’t you ever give up?”

Jack grabbed her free hand.  “What if I said you were worth fighting for?” his voice was more serious than he intended.

Rose flashed back to Satellite 5 and a younger and different Jack who had said the very same thing.  She shivered slightly at the memory.  Details about that time were still vague: there was singing, a golden light and then fiery pain.  She’d never seen her friend again.  “Those are the exact same words my Jack said to me the last time I saw him.”

It was Jack’s turn to suppress a shiver, “Do I do that a lot?  Say things my counterpart did?”

“Sometimes yeah.”

“Weird.”

“Tell me about it!”

“How many other people have you met that you knew, you know… before?”

“Nobody.  That’s weird too, isn’t it?”

“Maybe.  But you’ve kept yourself to a pretty tight circle.  They might be out there and you just haven’t met them yet.”

“I guess.”

“I still keep wondering why this universe doesn’t have its own version of Rose Tyler – as a human I mean.  I think that’s got to be important.  Tell you what.  Make me a list of some of the people you knew before and I’ll look them up.  Don’t worry they’ll never know I’ve searched for them.  You never would have known if I hadn’t sent you those photos and finally talked to you about it.”

 

 

Rose wasn’t too happy when she later learned that their whole surveillance assignment was just a ruse so Jack could get her alone and talking.  On the other hand, it was a relief to finally have Jack in on her secret.  The fact that he actually was a Time Agent was a bonus.

“I told Jack what happened tonight,” Rose said to the Doctor’s photograph.  “He took it really, really well because, get this: he’s a Time Agent!  I know!  Talk about parallels, right?  Only this time he hasn’t had his memories wiped.  He actually works for the Agency and maybe he will have access to something that can get me back to you.  Of course, I’ll have to persuade him to let me use 51st century technology in 21st century Earth, but it’s for the best of causes I figure.  Oh, it feels really good to have someone else who knows our secret."

"Jack is the one who sent me these pictures of us, so in a way I owe him big time, not that I’ll ever let him know that.  He might try to take advantage of my gratitude.  Yeah, he’s the same ol’ Jack!  Oh, if you could have heard him tonight…  He was so funny it was sweet but, well you know we are never going there!  I’m not giving up on us, Doctor.  I know you did all you could think of, but I’ve gotta try.  My heart won’t let me accept the idea that I’ll never see you again.”  She ran a loving finger over his image.  “I keep thinking of it like being a door that’s shut tight.  Most doors only swing one way on their hinges.  Maybe I can swing it open from this side without damaging anything where you would have had to break the hinges or the frame of something.  Is that daft? Maybe, but the picture keeps sticking in my head for some reason.  I love you, and you love me and that’s enough for me to keep on trying.  My Doctor – be safe, my love.” Rose closed the album and turned off the lights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to Smalltowngirl who guessed right away who was the mysterious sender. Thank you for playing. :)


	7. The Stars Are Going Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack is beginning to theorize on why things are the way they are. And then the stars begin to go out.

It was no surprise that Jack could at find at least some records of everyone that Rose listed she knew from the other universe.  Of those that survived Lumic and his Cyber War, many of them lived very different lives, but they still had lives, had an existence.  Her own life remained the consistent anomaly.  It made Rose feel lonely even though she had her family and now a small circle of friends.  If she hadn’t had the security of the Doctor’s love as an anchor, she might have slipped back into depression.  On bad days she certainly doubted her right to a life in this world.

The first 128 times Rose tried to talk Jack into letting her use 51st Century technology for her quest to cross the Void she was met with a swift and unyielding  no.  Time agents were carefully monitored and employing future tech was strictly forbidden.  In fact, Jack wondered if such a stunt was what had got his other self’s memory wiped.  Retcon was a favoured tool of the Time Agency to protect and preserve what they deemed were the proper time lines.

In order to try and get Jack to see her need, she told him stories of her adventures with the Doctor. Sometimes she included Mickey in her story telling, but mostly she shared with Jack alone, often over a pizza (this world’s chips were absolute rubbish) at the end of the work day.  Mickey had definitely moved on from being her ex-boyfriend, but there was no need to rub salt into old wounds. Sometimes the stories were helpful in the field as they came across the same monsters as she had traveling with the Doctor.  Many times the stories prompted speculation.

“Don’t you think it’s odd that your first Doctor insisted on calling Mickey _Ricky_?  I know it was in part just to be contrary, but think about it:  Mickey crosses over and meets his counterpart whose name actually was Ricky.  And then he ended up taking over Ricky’s life and fitting into his place in the universe.”

Rose nodded thoughtfully.  “Yeah, you’re right!  I never put it together like that before, but that’s what happened.  Do you think it means something or was it just a coincidence?”

Jack shrugged, “The longer I live the less I believe in coincidences.  But as far as what it means, I don’t know.  You said the Doctor had never traveled here before?”

“I don’t think he did.  He said the time lords used to be able to do it, but after the Time War the void was sealed off.  Something about needing more than one time lord to make it happen?  He never actually came out and said he hadn’t, I just assumed…” Rose’s voice trailed off as she remembered that the Doctor had lived a long time before he met her.  “This might sound really stupid, but I forget the TARDIS is a time machine.  I mean in the minute or two between when the Doctor left and when he came back to invite me again, he could have been gone for years and years, right?”

“Right.  Wait, the Doctor left you and then came back again? When was that?”

“After our first adventure – when we defeated the Nestene Consciousness – the Doctor asked me if I would like to travel with him.  But there I was with Mickey clinging to me and me thinking about my poor frightened mum and so I turned him down and he left.  But a couple of minutes later, I mean we didn’t even get a chance to walk away, he’s back and saying that not only can he travel through space but also through time.  That’s when I said yes and we started traveling together. 

But don’t you see Jack, he could have gone anywhere and done anything in between those few moments of my time.  Oh! In fact, there was this other fellow – Clive – and he  showed me this file of pictures of the Doctor in all kinds of important places: Kyoto, the Titanic, the assassination of President Kennedy.  He did get assassinated here, right? Well I’m pretty sure the Doctor had come to earth and met me right after the Time War because of stuff he said and how he acted, so it’s not like he’d have gone and done those things before he met me and I know he didn’t do it after we traveled together.  It had to be in between.”  Rose was proud of her bit of deduction,  “Something made the Doctor come back and try asking me again.”

Jack didn’t comment on what he thought that “something” was.  “You’re right but what interested me more was the fact that he actually came back at all.  I mean the Doctor doesn’t sound like the kind of guy who gets rejected and asks for more.  Didn’t you say he doesn’t give second chances?”

“That’s what my Doctor – my second doctor – said when he dueled the Sycorax and the Sycorax broke their combat agreement.  Gee I never thought of that either.”  Rose looked pleased with herself; even so early in their relationship the Doctor had been attracted to her.  Go figure.

“What about the words ’Bad Wolf’?  Did you ever figure out what that meant?”

Rose shook her head, “Not really, no.  It seems to be a signal or sign or something – something about me and him.  Like I told you, we would hear it or see it everywhere we went up until he regenerated.  Then, not so much, though I did hear a few references to wolves. Anytime I tried to bring it up, the Doctor wouldn’t talk around it.  Eventually I just gave up and forgot – too busy adventuring I suppose to dwell on all the details.  Now though, as I remembering stuff and telling you, I’m seeing a pattern.”

“Yeah, so am I.” Jack had taken to making notes about everything Rose told him.  There was too much to keep it all straight and it helped to review them when he was alone.  He had a couple of theories formulating but it was too soon to share.

 

Then the stars began to go out and Jack was suddenly more amenable to risking his neck with the Agency.  Only Rose and Jack seemed to notice at first.  Even Mickey and Jackie were oblivious to what was happening until they chose to believe on the strength of Jack and Rose’s testimony.  Jack theorized that he could see the changes because he was out of his time and had a future reference point that did not compare to the present darkening sky.  Rose noticed because she was out of her universe.  Even though Mickey and Jackie were from the other world too, they had replaced people who’d already existed.  The universe had absorbed them into its reality while Rose wasn’t so compatible.  The universe was forced to bend around her like a stone in a stream.

“What if it’s more than that?” Rose proposed to the gathering around the Tyler kitchen table.  “What if this universe is not only bending around me, but it’s actually pushing against me?  What if it’s rejecting me, I don’t know,  like some foreign object?  What if my staying here is making the stars go out – making this universe sick?

Jackie rolled her eyes and made a comment about airs and graces.  As if the whole universe could revolve around her daughter!  Really, where did Rose get this stuff?

“Hold on,” argued Mickey.  “What if Rose is right?  We all know she doesn’t want to belong here – but what if she can’t?”

“What are you saying?  This world is dying because Rose is living?  That’s crazy,” scoffed Jackie.  “If that’s true, how come it took so long to start falling apart, yeah?  We’ve been here nearly a year.”

“Some things take time.  It’s like our Vitex drinks,” Pete explained.  “You don’t see the effects from drinking them right away, but over time…” he spread his hands wide.

“Like a toxin or poison,” Jack agreed.  “No offence, Pete!” he quickly added with a smile.  “Your analogy is a good one though.  If we think of the universe as a living thing – a body per se – then it makes sense that it would take time to react to a foreign substance, no offense Rose, being introduced into its system.  It takes awhile for the natural immune system to kick into gear, for enough antibodies to be created.  That would explain how you could all visit the first time without any noticeable effects.  The question now is how do we fix this?”

“Well you ain’t killing Rose, that’s for sure!” shouted Jackie jumping up.  Everyone erupted around the table with protestations.  No, sacrificing Rose was not on anyone’s agenda except perhaps Rose herself.  She had already resolved to return to the Doctor or die trying.  With tears in her eyes, Jackie reached for her only daughter. “You have to go back, don’t you sweetheart?  I’ll have to let you go.”

Rose tried hard not to be affected by her mom’s tears.  As desperately as she wanted to leave, she also hated leaving her family.  “Yes mum.  I can’t stay, not if our theory is right.  I’m destroying everything and putting you all in terrible danger.”  Rose was grateful that her mum had come to this conclusion all on her own. It would make discussing the next bit easier.

“But how?  The Doctor said the breach was closed.  How can you get there?”

“That’s where I come in,” said Jack.  “As I’ve said before, I don’t believe in coincidences and so it’s no coincidence that I was assigned to investigate Rose in the first place.  I have access to advanced technology – specifically time and interdimensional travel technology.  From what Rose had told me about your involvement in the Cyberman War, you did have a way to jump across the void before, piggy backing on the cybermen’s signal.  Of course that signal is gone now, but I think we can adapt  that same tech and use some things I can get my hands on to augment it.”

“You don’t really work for Torchwood 3, do you?” frowned Pete.

“No, sir, I don’t.  Well, I do but it’s just a cover.”

“Let me guess,” said Mickey, “You’re a Time Agent.”

“Guilty.”

“Yes!” crowed Mickey and high-fived Jack. “Now you’re talking!”  He was beaming at Rose; it felt like the old team was getting back together.

“What’s a Time Agent?” asked Pete.

“I come from the 51st century.  In the future the Agency is formed out of the remnants of Torchwood and charged with observing and protecting history.  By that time dealing with aliens is pretty much acceptable on Earth and most treaties and negotiations are handled by the World Government.  We intercept things that would alter the course of history.”

“Remember the Slitheen?” Rose prompted Mickey.

“You mean the ones who crashed into the Thames and tried to take over Downing Street, just like they did back home?”

“Yeah.”

“But this time we knew what was happening so we helped Torchwood defeat them before they got into Downing Street,” Mickey recalled.  “Say, their ship disappeared after we captured them didn’t it?”

Jack nodded, “It had the components for an artillery cannon that 21st century earth is not ready to be responsible for.”

“No cannon…” Rose prompted Mickey again.

“No shooting down the Sycorax last Christmas!” Mickey grinned.

“Exactly,” said Jack and Rose together.

Jackie had watched the last rapid fire exchange like a gallery member at a tennis match. “You lot are all nutters,” she sniffed.  “I’m going to check on Tony.  Rose, don’t be flying off across the Void until I get back.”

“Yes, mum.”

The remaining four discussed the implications of the stars going out.  Pete offered the resources of Torchwood for their project.  Top priority would be in creating a way for Rose to get to the Doctor.  Of second priority, but could possibly become first if the worst case scenario played out, would be to monitor the earth’s temperature and gravitational characteristics as significant planetary elements vanished. As things got worse people would begin to panic. 

“We can begin with the science behind my vortex manipulator,” said Jack.  “It will have to be a 1000 times more powerful, but it’s a start. Creating the breach will be the tricky part.”

“Maybe,” mused Rose and then shared her door theory.

“Well if it’s a locked door, you’re gonna need a key,” added practical Jackie coming back in the room.

“Jackie, you’re brilliant!” shouted Jack who then jumped up and kissed Jackie soundly.  “Rose, you have your TARDIS key!  Remember how you said it glowed and got hot it that church when the Reapers came?  Remember how it gets warm when it gets near the TARDIS?  That’s the connection we can use.”

“But the TARDIS is in the other universe,” argued Jackie.

“Exactly! That means it is a link to where Rose needs to go.”

Mickey bounced in his seat, “Yeah, yeah.  We did the same kind of thing with the Cyberman, but it’s more than that!  We already know that your key works!  Rose, remember how the Doctor called to you and had you go to Bad Wolf Bay?” Jack started at that name, but didn’t comment.  “Well it might have been the Doctor calling, but it was the TARDIS that sent you the signal.  It must have fixed on to your key – either that or it fixed on your brain.  Either way it’s good, it’s real good.”

“So all we need to do is focus on the TARDIS and I can find my way.  Even if the Doctor isn’t there right then, he’ll always come back to the TARDIS,” added Rose daring to get excited for the first time.

“Don’t get too ahead of yourselves,” cautioned Pete.  “This is still all just talk.  We need to work on making it happen, first building this transdimensional thing and then creating a stable rift.  Let me send a couple of emails and we can put things into motion tomorrow morning.


	8. Mark of the Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and the Doctor get unsettling news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter to compensate for my verbose tendancies. :)

Jack found Rose outside staring at the night sky.  “Less ambient light out here, away from the city…you can see the night sky better,” he observed.

“Another one is gone.  See?  Over there,” she pointed where the pinpoint of light had been only yesterday.  They shared a moment of memorial silence.

“Look,” said Jack, “There’s something else you should know, but I didn’t want to say in front of your mum.”

“Oh?”

“Your DNA might also be something we can use to lock into the Doctor.”

“What do you mean?”

“You have an anomaly.”

“What do you mean?” Rose repeated, her eyes wary.

“Your DNA isn’t 100% human – at least not according to this universe’s standards.  That anomaly might be something else that can link you to over there.”

“Did you check Mickey and mum to compare?”

“I will.”

“Could be something,” Rose mused.  She remembered a heated conversation she’d had with her mum before Canary Warf.  Jackie had accused her of changing, had said someday she’d come back and she wouldn’t be herself anymore.  A shiver of dread tickled her neck.

“Could be nothing”, soothed Jack noticing that Rose was unsettled by the questioning of her humanity.

“Something my mum said to me, just before the whole Canary Wharf thing began… she said I was changing.  I know she was just complaining about how much time I was away and how seeing stuff and doing stuff makes you different.  I figured I was just growing up.  I know that’s what she meant, but her words gave me a shiver and now I wonder… like you said: no such thing as a coincidence.”

“I’ll put a rush on the analysis. And so far I’ve been able to keep all results out of the hands of my bosses.”

 

Four hours later Rose got a cryptic text: **J,M 100% H**.  She spent the next 20 minutes in her shower crying.  Her mom really had been prophetic.  Somehow she had changed.  Maybe it was a byproduct of traveling in the TARDIS, like some type of radiation mutation.  Maybe it was exposure to something on an alien planet.  Maybe it was something that she ate.  Whatever it was, she was no longer completely human.  That was probably why this universe was dying.  She had to get out and find the Doctor so he could make things right.  She had to save her family and her friends from herself.

She took out her photo album and studied the girl in the picture with the Doctor. She took the picture into the bathroom and compared it with the reflection in the mirror.  What she noticed shocked her. When had she changed so much?  Her body was fit and almost hard.  Her year of training at Torchwood and her own personal fitness regime had burned away any last traces of baby fat.  A scar swept across her left bicep thanks to a Weevil capture that had gone slightly pear shaped.  Her face was leaner and more chiseled.  She looked like a warrior. 

What bothered her most when comparing the two images were her eyes.  When had they grown cold?  For that matter when had she last grinned, truly grinned with a grin that split her face into two?  Did she even remember how to do that?

Rose walked back out to her living room and sank onto the sofa.  “I’ve undergone my own type of regeneration,” she told the empty room.  “I hope he can still recognize me.”

 

The Doctor could not deny that these Pompeiians had prophetic or at least telepathic powers.  They had named him Doctor when he had introduced himself as Sparticus.  The girl had even gone so far as to call him lord... lord of time!  But what had chilled and thrilled him the most when Lucius Petrus Dextrus had announced, “She is coming.”  He’d asked for more information, but of course none was forth coming.  There was too much going on and yet... in his fanciful memory he’d thought he heard a wolf howling.


	9. Learning To Jump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Building a Dimension Cannon is not that simple.

The first few experiments were all disasters and almost caused the mission to be scrubbed. Pete was not smiling when they under estimated the power draw and tripped safety sensors that cut the power to 5 square city blocks.  Neither was he thrilled when their simulated radiation experiment was too precise and locked down all of Torchwood under threat of a nuclear containment malfunction. Someone printed of Thomas Edison’s quote: I HAVE NOT FAILED. I’VE JUST FOUND ABOUT 10,000 WAYS THAT WON’T WORK, and taped it over the bank of computers, the bathroom mirror and the door to the transfer chamber.  Jake quipped that it would make a good team motto and Danny suggested he get a tattoo. “That’s be cool boss, but what happens when we get it right?  Then I’d have to change my tatt and then wouldn’t it be like a paradox?”

The first time they finally tried to open a controlled rift it resulted in a tsunami off the coast of Shetland, an earthquake in Northern Ireland and the collapse of a major highway in Wales.  Torchwood scrambled emergency teams to assist in the clean up and rescue and Oswin had grumbled (loudly) about the mad scientists that had taken over his Torchwood.  The second attempt stabilized the rift, did little to improve Oswin’s disposition and the probe they sent out came back with one side completely melted. 

“Third one’s the charm,” quipped Mickey as he completed a successful simulation following their last round of adjustments and improvements.  Rose had volunteered a couple of strands of hair to the erstwhile void probe in hopes that it would be able to seek out the right universe.  It was still too risky to send a live test subject and Rose categorically refused to relinquish her TARDIS key. 

After a tense 5 minutes, the probe reappeared in the transfer chamber undamaged.  There were cheers and hugs all around for the sleep starved scientists as the first step in the complex project had been accomplished.

 

Jack had Rose practicing with his vortex manipulator.  “This kind of travel will take some getting used to,” he explained.  “Don’t be surprised if you feel disoriented, even nauseous.”

“Terrific,” Rose muttered watching as the thick strap was attached to her wrist.

“Now I’ve set the co-ordinates to send you to your apartment and then back here in 5 minutes time.  Watch the timer so you don’t get recalled while you’re in the middle of something,” Jack winked and grinned.

In a flash, Rose disappeared and reappeared in her own apartment.  She stumbled blindly upon entry and banged her shins on the coffee table before tumbling onto her sofa.  She sat for only a few seconds before rushing to her bathroom and heaving her lunch. “I hope the getting used to it part doesn’t last too long,” she mumbled around her toothbrush a few minutes later.  She glanced at her timer: 45 seconds.  She rinsed out the brush, wiped her mouth and gave her pale face a thumbs up before she was jerked back to Jack in the control room.

Again she stumbled and was sick, but Jack was ready with a bucket.  He thumped her on the back and congratulated her, “That was excellent Rose!  A lot of first timers black out.”

She gave him a crooked smile, “Now you tell me!  Couldn’t have said something before?”

“I didn’t want to worry you.  And see, you did fine.”

“When can I go again?” Rose asked determinedly.  “The sooner I get used to this part the better.”

Jack nodded secretly proud of his plucky pupil.  “We can make two more jumps and then it will have to recharge for 20 minutes.  You will probably feel like recharging too by then.”

 

Rose mastered the vortex manipulator jump in three days. “As good as any Time Agent cadet,” Jack boasted to the team.  She didn’t tell him that her stomach still did somersaults with every trip; she was just getting better at ignoring the queasiness.  There was a lot of discussion on how the void jump could be different from their practice sessions.  Safe guards and contingency plans flourished like so many branches on a tree.  More probe testing followed with modified parameters.  As long as Rose’s DNA was part of the equation they seemed to have success.

Finally the day came to use a live subject.  Rose had volunteered immediately, but that was swiftly vetoed.  First they would send through an animal.  Mickey suggested it be a dog, since Rose had a connection with dogs.  The inside joke got a scowl and a swat from Rose and a loud guffaw from Jack.  Finally the local SPCA was contacted and a dog delivered. 

As they fitted a dog collar with Rose’ DNA sample and the recall equipment, they argued who would get to keep the dog when it returned.  This one would be on death row if it wasn’t adopted in 48 hours; they couldn’t return it with that on their consciences.  In the end Danny claimed superiority as team leader and first dibs on the dog.  Nobody suggested that the cute mutt, who according to her tattered collar had once been known as Clara, would not be coming back and that their friendly banter was just a means of alleviating mutual anxiety.

The timer was set for 10 minutes, the time they planned on giving Rose on her first jump.  “But what if she gets hit by a bus, or eaten by a bigger dog?” she worried.  “How will we know anything then?”

Martha pointed to a computer terminal.  “I will be monitoring her vitals through the recall link.  We will know if something…unexpected happens.”

“If this jump works we could try for a camera on the next one but I don’t think we can boost that much signal,” Mickey suggested.

“If this jump works, I’m going,” asserted Rose.  “We are running out of time.” 

Clara came back in exactly 10 minutes.  Aside from being soaking wet – which had everyone guessing – she seemed to be perfectly fine and the room nearly hummed with excitement.

“Okay,” Mickey began.  “We need to do a thorough diagnostic and triple check everything.  I don’t like the power level readings – it took a lot more energy to send a dog than it did a tin can.  How much power will it take to send Rose?”

“Do whatever checks and tests you want, Mickey, but I am jumping tomorrow.  We can’t wait any longer,” Rose stated.

Everyone had been following the news and weather reports.  The earth’s climate was going through drastic changes over the last year.  Record temperature highs and lows where happening almost daily.  Increased tidal and seismic activity could no longer be attributed to the rift – the gravity of the earth was changing in response to the missing planets and stars.

“Agreed,” said Jack.  “Time to take off the training wheels, ladies and gentlemen.  Hey, Rose, want to hit the karaoke bar – you know, for old times’ sake?”

“Love to Jack, but I think I better go see Mum tonight.”

“Yes, of course.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope no one was offended that I named the dog Clara.


	10. Searching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose begins looking for the Doctor. Nothing for our heroine is easy.

Her first jump was a success and a disappointment.  The nausea and disorientation was far worse than what the vortex manipulator had put her through.  She wasted a full 3 minutes being sick and then it took almost all the rest of her time just to home in on the TARDIS.  The Doctor was not in.  She was pulled back before she could find him.  She spent the next 12 hours suffering from a type of decompression sickness that left her with vertigo and nausea.  Only Martha knew how she was really suffering and Rose threatened her with everything short of her life to keep it all a secret.  Now that the process had begun Rose was determined no one would stop her.

Before her second attempt, Martha gave her an anti-nausea cocktail and some tablets she could chew if she needed after she jumped.  She murmured that she was also working on a patch but Rose didn’t want to wait for that bit of medical tech to be completed.  Her second jump was just as frustrating as the first for although she found the TARDIS and the Doctor, it wasn’t her Doctor who blithely strode into the time machine and vanished along with an entourage of companions.  Seriously, when was celery a good fashion choice?

After this jump, Rose began to worry.  She knew that her Doctor was actually the tenth face the Time Lord had worn.  She could spend an eternity jumping back and forth, in and out of his life and never meet up with him correctly.  Rose explained her concerns stressing that she would not give up.  The team worked on ways to re-calibrate the jumps.  “I think of it like a cannon,” Jake explained.  “You have to adjust the pitch and the angle, you have to account for the energy discharged and the drag on the missile – er, jumper – so as to hit your target.  Granted it’s like shooting blind over a stone wall, but with the readings Rose is able to send back to us, we can figure this out.”

From then on their invention was called the dimensional cannon and more often than not Rose felt like cannon fodder.  Crossing the void was like using a supercharged vortex manipulator with all the side effects proportionally increased.  She’d taken to fasting on jump days and Martha eventually perfected the anti-nausea patch so Rose didn’t spend the first precious minutes retching.  Rose set for her team a punishing schedule of jumps, allowing only for energy recharging before going again.  Many times she bunked out at Torchwood to grab some sleep and a shower instead of going home.

The grueling pace was taking a tole on everyone, but particularly Rose.  Keeping their comments to themselves, her family and friends watched carefully as Rose burned up her stamina with lack of sleep and food. Eventually Pete had the team shut down operations for 72 hours under the pretext of maintenance and safety checks.  Jack and Mickey made certain Rose got out of Torchwood and back to her apartment for some proper sleep.  Jackie appeared with some shepherd’s pie and fussed over her daughter, barely biting back comments on her weight loss and haggard appearance.  Desperate times called for desperate measures, but when was too much really too much?

The Void was freezing and sometimes Rose jumped into bad weather.  For her own protection she started wearing a leather jacket.  The fact that the scent of leather reminded her of her first Doctor was a bonus she grimly kept to herself.  She would wear a version of his armor with pride.

Six weeks after her fourth Christmas on Pete’s World Jake had a breakthrough.  Finally he was able to zero in on the correct Doctor for Rose.  She jumped into downtown London and almost immediately began to zero in on the TARDIS.  She had mastered the dizziness and had only one dry heave before she took off on her quest.  She was only a few blocks away when she saw this universe’s Martha exit a restaurant with her family.  Then she saw the Doctor – her Doctor! – appear around the corner.  For a handful of heartbeats she was frozen in shock.  Finally, after all this time! Before she could call out, he ducked back around and to her surprise Martha followed him.  By the time she rounded the corner the TARDIS was dematerializing.  She had sprinted past a startled Martha who was exiting the alley, but before she could speak to her she felt the now familiar tug of the recoiling dimension cannon.  She really must get them to agree to a longer jump time!

“I found him!” she cried as she stumbled back into the cannon room.  “We got it right, but he left before I could catch him.”  She grabbed a startled Martha by the shoulders, “I saw your counterpart.  In my world, you know my Doctor!  I got sucked back here before I could ask you how you knew him or if he was coming back!  Quick, send me back!”

“We can’t.  The cannon has to recharge, I’m sorry,” Jake placed a gentling hand on Rose’s shoulder.

“No, you have to send me back now!” Rose was frantic.

Mickey and Jack gathered around her, “Rose we can’t.  That’s just impossible.  We have to wait.”  The cannon took a minimum of 24 hours now to recharge, even more so if they had to switch to the backup generator due to power outages or brownouts.  Those were occurring more frequently as the stars disappeared.

“Well, you’ve got to give me a longer recall time at least!  We’re getting so close!” She impatiently brushed away disappointed tears.  “Let me know when I can go again.”  Rose hurried out of the room looking for some privacy before she broke down and sobbed in earnest.  The closer she got to the Doctor the more desperate she felt.

 

During the next jump Rose got a serious scare.  From the very beginning things weren’t going right.  Two brown outs occurred before they could complete the jump sequence.  Rose felt as if she never properly came through.  She found herself in a London street, but as she walked she couldn’t feel the pavement under her feet.  There were police vehicles and officers all around.  Lights were flashing and a section of the street was taped off.  She couldn’t hear the traffic either – everything was muffled.  She tried to see what was up ahead, past the barrier but couldn’t make anything out.  

The someone came up beside her and she turned around.  It was Donna - not the receptionist, but this world’s Donna - and she seemed to be excited about something.  She was speaking and pointing, but Rose couldn’t understand.  Then Donna nodded, gave her a quick smile and turned around walking off the way Rose had come down.  What she had said, what she wanted, Rose didn’t know.  It was like a bad dream. Rose walked on and the scenery began to fade.

All was silent darkness now and Rose felt completely disoriented.  Was this the Void?  Had they somehow undershot the universe and left her stranded?  Each heartbeat became a countdown for her.  Either the seconds were passing until she’d be automatically recalled or her heart would eventually stop beating and she would die.  A fierce anger swelled up inside her refusing to accept this failure as the end.  Too much depended on her making this work.  Pete’s World needed the Doctor.  She needed the Doctor.  “Doctor!” she screamed silently, willing herself to reach out and grasp onto his hand, grasp onto reality...

Cool recycled air whooshed into her lungs and then was pushed out again.  Rose gasped and struggled against the hands pressing down on her chest.  Her eyes flew open to stare up in to Martha’s.  Beyond her head the recessed lighting of the cannon room came into focus.  She was back.

“Thank God!” exclaimed Martha.  “I thought we’d lost you!”

Martha helped her sit up and steadied her for a moment as Rose took deep cleansing breaths.  Other hands, Mickey’s and Jake’s helped her to stand.

“Rose, what happened?”

“We lost your signal for nearly 3 seconds!”

“Rose, are you okay?

“Give her some room!” Martha exclaimed. “Rose, can you walk?  I want to see you in med lab right now.”

Rose nodded dazedly and let Martha lead her away.  She concentrated on simply walking and refused to let her mind go back to the last few moments before waking up.  There would be time to think about those things later; no doubt the crew was already scrambling to analyze the last jump and figure out what went wrong but for the moment Rose couldn’t debrief her experience.  Her imagination also skittered away from the backlash this jump might have on further attempts.  From the time they started Pete had been nervous and Jackie had been fragile and now that she’d almost....  Rose ruthless pushed that thought away too.  She was not going to let today’s events kill the project.  Too much was at stake.  With an effort to keep her voice level and strong Rose spoke to Martha, “I’m fine now.”

“Nothing doing,” Martha was oozing professional determination, “You are going to submit to a full exam or I’m yanking you from active status for a week.”

“You can’t!  I’m so close to him, I can feel it!”

“Then you better be a good patient and let me do my job.”  Martha had bypassed the emergency triage room on their floor and had rung for the elevator.  “You really scared us Rose.  You collapsed and weren’t breathing.  I had to give you a shot of adrenaline and CPR. “ Martha pulled Rose in for a tight hug as the elevator slid shut around them.  “I never want to have to do that again.”

 


	11. From Bad to Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As if Rose hasn't been through enough yet!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was like a sucker punch the first time I saw this scene on the program. I just had to write about from Rose's POV.

All the seismic activity and power fluctuations were throwing off the cannon’s calibrations.  Jake realized that on Rose’s last jump he had undershot and almost dropped her in to the Void. When Pete learned of the near disaster he wanted to fire, no execute, Jake Simmons.  Mickey intervened and shouldered some of the blame – he certainly felt guilty enough to endure even Jackie’s ire (not that anyone had told her what had happened).  The algorithms he had written hadn’t compensated for the physical changes the planet was going through.  Everyone had been doing their best but all had overlooked a critical variable.  All systems were put through an overhaul and the project stalled out for nearly two weeks.

Rose quietly went mad.  The world had finally noticed that it had a problem and the fear in the air was palpable.  Churches were seeing a surge in attendance, but unfortunately so were jails as people began the certain slide to panic.  No one on the team turned on the telly or read the paper anymore.  Whatever they needed to know was reported through channels inside Torchwood.  Too much information was only a distraction. Every hour that ticked by felt like another nail in the proverbial coffin.  Rose was helpless to speed up the scientist’s work.  She was helpless to stop the stars from disappearing and the Earth from falling apart.  She was helpless, helpless, helpless.  The only thing she knew to do was find the Doctor and so far had failed at that too. She reread the tattered posting on the wall: I HAVE NOT FAILED. I’VE JUST FOUND ABOUT 10,000 WAYS THAT WON’T WORK.  “10,000 ways... I hope we have that much time,” she murmured.

There was nothing for Rose to do while the dimension cannon was out of commission.  On impulse she signed up for a defensive driving course and an advanced weaponry class.  Oswin was pleased to see Agent Tyler taking an active interest in broadening her skill set.  The cannon project team was relieved to have her out of their hair.  Jack took advantage of the downtime to report in with the Agency and see if there was any information there that could give him clues as to the direction or outcome of the situation.  The fact that there even was a 51st century and a Time Agency in existence was a promising omen, but then again he knew that time can be rewritten. 

Finally they were ready to try again.  After such a prolonged wait and the near fatal jump Rose was keyed up.  She spent the night before sitting and talking to her photo album, finally dozing off on the sofa.  She woke up just before dawn and put in 45 mins on the treadmill.  Running calmed her.  She thought she’d be early getting to Torchwood, but when she arrived so had the rest of the team.  Everyone was anxious to begin again.

When Rose jumped she knew something was wrong.  She couldn’t identify what it was but everything felt off.  Unlike the last jump now all her senses seemed hyper sensitive.  She shivered in the misty rain.  Even with her jacket this dampness seemed to crawl inside and filled her with icy dread.  There was a crowd ahead, some flashing lights, an ambulance and police vehicles.  She made her way to the barricade and found herself standing beside a woman who looked exactly like the Torchwood receptionist.  She had seen her before during her last jump, but the woman didn’t seem to recognize Rose.

“They pulled a poor bloke out of the Thames,” Donna offered, nodding to the form under the sheet.  As the gurney was lifted, a limp hand swung down.  Rose stared at the achingly familiar sleeve and the slim metal cylinder that slipped from lifeless fingers.  She bit back a scream, digging her nails into the wooden barrier before her.  Suddenly her whole word was tilting and the bile in her stomach was refusing to stay down.  Quickly she turned and walked away.  She concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, forcing herself to stay upright.  With icy fingers she hit the emergency recall button.

 

They were silent around the conference table.  No one had considered the possibility that the Doctor might be dead.  Rose, even though she had witnessed it, found herself in denial.  She had seen a future regeneration of the Doctor, hadn’t she?  Therefore he could not be dead unless time was being rewritten somehow...but if it could change once, could it not change again?  She wondered if it was a coping mechanism brought on by shock or if she truly had a basis for the hope that stubbornly lingered in her heart.

“What do we do now?” wondered Martha.  “I mean, the Doctor was our last hope,”

“Not exactly,” Jack said.  He looked at Rose who was studying the table top before her.  “We have a crazy theory that Rose is actually the cause of our problems.”  He waved off the angry refusals before continuing.  “You have all been sworn in to know that Rose is from the other universe.  What most of you don’t know is that so are Mickey and Jackie Tyler.  The big difference is that before they arrived, Mickey and Jackie had counterparts living here.  They were killed in the cybermen invasion.  Only Rose didn’t have a counterpart.  She never existed here until she crossed over.”

“Yeah,” Rose agreed. “I’m like a foreign object which the body of this universe is rejecting.” She tried hard not to sound bitter but any kind of rejection hurts on some level.

Martha could understand the biological analogy but she didn’t like it.  She had come to really like Rose and counted her as a friend.  “So you think we should just send Rose back and leave her there that the universe will heal itself?”

“If our theory is true? Yes.”  No one spoke for a moment.  They had become a tight team – not anxious to sacrifice one of their own, even to save the planet.

“Maybe I can jump in a bit earlier in time and safe him,” Rose offered.  She refused to give up on the Doctor.

Jake frowned and began scribbling on the pad in front of him.   Rose was talking about some very fine points of calibration.  “Maybe, but I’m going to need a few hours.”

Danny nodded and stood up.  “You have 6 hours, Jake.  See what you can do.”


	12. Multiverse Theory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose is reunited with the TARDIS. Jack shows how clever he can be.

 

Seven hours later (Pete’s World time) Rose was back at the accident scene but it was after the fact, not before it.  Everyone had left. She walked over to where the Doctor had lain.  There in a crack in the asphalt she found his sonic screwdriver.  Holding his prized instrument made the situation more real.  Rose gasped for air, fighting a swelling of hysteria.  Everything in her screamed this wasn’t right.  Everything felt wrong – it had felt that way even before she had learned what had happened.  Her skin crawled.

Searching about Rose was able to find the TARDIS.  Walking in felt like walking into a funeral home.  The TARDIS was awash with grief, sending wave after wave of psychic sadness. Rose ran a soothing hand over the coral.  “I know old girl.  I can’t believe it’s true, but here you are and here’s his sonic.  What happened?”

The TARDIS sent her feelings of sadness and despair.  Rose struggled to separate them out from the grief the TARDIS was experiencing.  “He was sad?”  The TARDIS then flashed anger and recklessness.  “But, why?”   Suddenly Rose could hear the Doctor speaking.  It was parts of their last conversation but she couldn’t hear her replies.  The TARDIS had only been able to record the Doctor’s voice as he transmitted it across the Void.  Fresh tears streamed down Rose’s face as she heard her beloved.  “Stop!  Wait, that’s not how it went,” Rose protested as the recording ended.  “Please play back that last bit again.”

_“…and as this is my last time to say it… Rose Tyler…”_

“No, that’s wrong.” Rose puzzled.  “That’s not what he said.  He told me he loved me, I know he did.  Are you sure you have this right?”  Her question was rewarded with the equivalent of righteous indignation – as if she would have missed that wonderful gem if her Thief had actually been brave enough to say aloud he loved her Wolf! 

“I don’t understand,” Rose continued.  “Something has changed.   Something really big and important has changed, altering the time lines and everything has gone wrong!”  Bemused, Rose shook her head as she realized she was talking like the Doctor. “But how do I fix it?”

The TARDIS flashed lights on the console as if to say, hello!  Remember me?  Time machine!

Rose chewed her lip.  “I’ve never driven you except only the once and I don’t remember any of it.  In less than 10 minutes, I’m going to get sucked back over to Pete’s World.  We need to either figure out how to stop that or you’re going to have to come back with me – and I don’t know how we’re going to do that either.”

Rose stared frustrated at the complex console, so many buttons and levers and dials and bells and nothing arranged in any kind of logical sequence.  She had to fight off flashes of memories: pictures of both of her doctors dancing madly around the consol, touching things in some kind of beautiful random dance. She looked at the screen but of course could not read the circular symbols.  “I just took a defensive driving course, but there was no section on driving a TARDIS.  You’ve gotta help me.  I don’t know what to do and I don’t know if I can find you again if I get pulled away!”

There was a deep moaning sound from the bowels of the consol and the TARDIS began to vibrate.  A pencil beam of light shone down on Rose’s cuff where she wore her modified votex manipulator – her link to the other universe.  With a shudder and lurch that sent Rose to the floor the TARDIS began to move, her light column pulsing wildly.  “You’re doing it!  You’re doing it – oh you wonderful thing!” Rose shouted above the noise. 

A few bone jarring moments later the TARDIS stopped with one last long drawn out moan.  Rose picked herself up and with an appreciative pat to the glowing consol, hurried to the doors.  Outside she was met with a row of expectant faces.

“Rose!” shouted Jack sweeping her into a tight hug, “You crazy girl, you did it!”

“Where is he?” asked Mickey.

“He’s not here,” Rose explained gently pushing away from Jack.  “I jumped in after the accident.  He was already gone.  I found this,” she fished the sonic screwdriver out of her pocket, “and then I found the TARDIS.”

“How’d you get it back here then?  You can’t fly it can you?” Mickey marveled.

“She came herself.  Her Doctor’s dead and I guess she latched on to me.”  Rose ran a loving hand down the side of the blue box.

Jack paused, “Wait. _Her_ Doctor?  Don’t you mean your Doctor?  What’s going on?” 

“No, I meant what I said.  Something has gone terribly wrong and changed history, because the TARDIS was able to show me things that never happened.”

“Another universe?” Jake suggested.

“Doubt it.  We used Roses’ DNA to do the co-ordinates.  That would mean there had to be a counterpart Rose in that universe, and since there isn’t one here I doubt there is one anywhere,” Mickey said.

“Could this be the only universe that didn’t have Rose?” Jake asked.   “What are we talking about now…a multiverse scenario?”

Rose was starting to get a headache as complications began to spiral out of control.  “You lot can theorize all you want.  I need a cuppa.  And nobody’s going in there without my permission, got that?” She locked the TARDIS door and strode out of the jumping chamber.  Jack followed leaving Mickey, Jake and two other technicians to their discussion.

“Rose, wait up,” Jack called, lengthening his stride to catch up.  “I’ll keep you company.”

“Rather be alone, ta.”

“Nah, you’re just saying that.  Come on, let’s get something a bit stronger than tea.”  He slung a companionable arm across her shoulders and steered her away from the cafeteria and towards his office.  Because he was a “guest” of Torchwood he had been afforded a guest office instead of a regular company cubical.  He pulled open the bottom drawer of his desk and produced a bottle of brandy and two glasses.

“For medicinal purposes,” he explained with a disarming grin.

“Sure, and if I drink that my mild headache is gonna turn into something even bigger come morning.”  Rose shook her head.

“Fine then, I’ll drink and you relax.  I might even have… yep, here it is.”  He tossed her a drink box of apple juice.

Rose sank into a chair with a sigh. 

“Tell me what happened over there.”

With frequent sips of her juice, Rose told him what had happened finishing with the hologram recording that was supposed to be of their last meeting on the beach.  “Only that’s not how it went, Jack.  Just before he disappeared the Doctor told me he loved me and then faded away before he finished saying my name, not the other way around.  Knowing he loved me, hearing him actually say the words, that’s what kept me sane.  I don’t know what I would have done if he’d gone and left me still guessing about his feelings.”  Rose blinked back tears. 

“Maybe you would have got over it.  Maybe you would have put a life together here and not put yourself through this hell to find him again.”

Rose shook her head, but had no words for the despair that loomed over her even now.

Jack sighed disappointedly.  There was no reaching her – she was far and gone over this Doctor; he didn’t stand a chance.  “Then again, the stars would still be going out and we probably still would have built the dimension cannon anyway.  You’d still have chased after him, wouldn’t you?”

Rose nodded; she would always return to him.  For a few minutes they sat in silence.

“The Doctor doesn’t have to be dead,” Jack offered, staring into the bottom of his glass.

“What?”

“I think you’re right that the time lines have been altered and history changed.  You and I know that it was the right universe you went to because the odds of another Rose having your altered DNA out there are just too astronomical.  I’m not saying we don’t have a multiverse out there, but I do believe you have been traveling to your right universe.”

“But the TARDIS hologram…”

“I don’t know for sure, but I’ve been working on a wild theory with all the bits and pieces you’ve been telling me about you and the Doctor.

Jack pulled a white board and easel from the corner and positioned it so Rose could see.  “I keep asking myself what if all the _‘what ifs’_ of significant time points actually create alternate realities, worlds or universes?”

Rose blinked.  “Huh?”

Jack grinned and pulled the cap of a marker.  “Something someone at the Time Agency said to me the last time I checked in got me thinking.  It’s a theory of quantum mechanics.  Let’s see if I remember the definition. ‘The quantum multiverse creates a new universe when a diversion in events occurs, as in the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics.’  Let’s just say, _what if_ you had a significant point in time – not a fixed point because that would unravel everything, I’m not talking about the Fabric of Time – but a significant point, a nexus point,  and then a decision is made and time moves in a certain direction.  But _what if_ a different decision was made?  Well then time would be diverted and move in a different direction.  Both decisions exist simultaneously.   You know… the road not taken – that’s a poem I think.”

“Robert Browning,” supplied Rose staring at his scribbled art work.

“Right.  Anyway, let’s just say this is a significant point in time and because it’s important the choices of that moment are all important too.  You get to only pick one, but _what if_ those ‘what if options’ still get created in parallel worlds or splintered off realities?  All the choices made, all the history of the decisions we make here and those we could have made, they all weave together to make the fabric of time.  Ever heard of the Fibonacci Sequence?”

He stepped back so she could see what was on the board.  “No.  What am I looking at?” she asked intrigued.

“This is you and the Doctor,” he pointed to a pair of dots and then began to follow the time. “You meet in the basement and go through your adventure together.  At the end of it he invites you but you say no.” He pointed to another dot indicating that was her.  “Now the Doctor leaves and goes off – we don’t’ know where or for how long,” Jack waved his marker in the air doing some loops and swirls to indicate the Doctor off traveling, “but for some reason he came back and asked again.”  The marker returned to the dot.  “Now you said yes the second time and off you two went.”

Rose nodded her understanding.

“Now, _what if,”_ Jack kept emphasizing the phrase as he spoke, “The first time the Doctor asked you, he decided not to come back?”

“But he did.”

“Yeah but _what if_ he didn’t?  When he left you, what if he determined not to return?  Want to know what I think?”  Jack was grinning now.  “I think this happened!”  He drew a line looping back to before the start and wrote AU with a flourish.  “I think that alternate choice created this universe where there was no Rose.  The Doctor then realized the error of his ways and returned to ask you again.”

“Whoa, how did you come to that conclusion?”

“Ricky and Mickey.”

“What?”

“Remember, Ricky existed here and Mickey over there, then Mickey came here and Ricky died.  Yet your Doctor insisted on calling our Mickey boy Ricky.”

Roses’ eyes grew wide. “A causal loop!  He was actually mixing up the names not just teasing Mickey.”

“And there’s no Doctor here because as he alluded to time lords are outside of time and space - able to cross between worlds.  It’s like a house where you keep adding on identical rooms and walking into them.”

“Okay!” Rose was getting excited now.  “So if your idea is right then,” she grabbed the marker from Jack and began to add to the drawing.  “Another _what if_ could be the day on the beach as in, _what if_ he didn’t tell me he loved me.”  She drew two branching time lines.  “We know what’s happening in this one, but in this one over there he doesn’t tell me and goes on traveling by himself.  Maybe his future self never went back to talk to him. Then something happens and he ends up getting killed.”  She then made a dashed line to loop back to join the two branches. “Then I jump from this to this in time to see his body and get the TARDIS and sonic screwdriver and come back here again.”  A second dashed line was added.

She looked at Jack to see if she was getting it right.  He nodded and then pointed to the two branches, “Both of these lines stem from a reality that has you in it, so your DNA connects you.  For some reason you’re being pulled into the other, the he-never-said-I-love-you – universe instead of your own reality. I’m not sure why, maybe time is trying to heal itself, make the two one again?”

Rose nodded thoughtfully.  “Maybe…I don’t know.  But I almost feel hopeful now.  Thanks Jack.”  She reached up and kissed him softly on the cheek.

Jack winked at her, “Anytime Rose, you know that.”  He pressed down on the intercom, “Mickey!  Whatever you’re doing now, put it on pause and come up here.  Bring Jake too if he can break away.  I think we’re on to something.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I was able to make all the theory behind the plot make sense. Let me know if I've lost you or you're keeping up. Comments are always appreciated!


	13. Insomnia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late at night, in two different worlds... Rose and the Doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is on the long side. Originally it was two chapters but that would have make one of them very short indeed. In my imagination all of this occurs at the same time, so it seemed logical to put it together.

 

 _“I don’t know what to say!”_   Those words haunted her as she relived yet again every word, every expression.  They’d had over two precious minutes at Bad Wolf Bay and she’d panicked.  When it came down to it, all she ever wanted was for the Doctor to be safe.  She needed to know that he would be safe, that he could take care of himself and baring that, that he would allow someone to come into his life and take care of him.  She hadn’t known how to ask him, how to make him understand that she could endure anything, if she could just be sure of that one thing. He’d tried to reassure her, but neither of them had believed him.

She was utterly convinced that he could not be left alone with his ghosts. And then she had become one herself: a ghost, a memory parading past in the dark corridor of his ancient existence.  As she stood on the horrid beach, unable to touch him, she realized her future. 

They had wasted too much time with all their wonderful running and laughing!  They could have been so much more than just the stuff of legend!  Never before, but so often since, had Rose been painfully conscience of the merciless seconds slipping away from them.  One thing she had learned from Pete’s World was that while there could be infinite time lines, time itself was finite.  Even with a time machine, time offered no do-overs, no mulligans.  Get it right or live with the consequences – that was the rule.  Rose was desperate to get it right and so she obsessed with their last conversation.  She had failed then and she could not afford to fail again.  No more panicking.

In the end that day she’d blurted out just three little words and tried to pour all of herself into them.  She tried to fling herself across the Void, through his ears and deep into his being so at least a part of her could stay with him forever.  _“I love you,”_ was all she got to give him.  She desperately hoped he caught everything that was contained in that declaration.

Now she cringed every time those words were bandied about.  I love this, or I love that.  Humans cheapened the word love until it was nearly unrecognizable.  She had vented her frustrations often enough that Mickey and eventually Jack and Martha had modified their language around her.  Some nights Rose found herself praying that the Doctor realized that human ape she might be, she hadn’t cheapened it with him; never with him.

 _“I love you, Ro – “_ he had replied and she treasured that.  Oh, how she treasured those precious little words, spoken in his husky emotional voice.  She wished she’d recorded it somehow, but she didn’t doubt that her mind had perfect recall.  Every fiber of her being still thrummed with the power that gift gave her.  She would cherish his love, honour his love, and keep his love for the rest of her life.  Saying it had somehow made it real and by making it real they had created a connection that ignored all barriers.  That was what had kept Rose going all these years.  That connection pulled at her relentlessly.

But her initial panic still haunted her and late at night she would begin to doubt herself.  Mentally she rehearsed what she would say to him the next time she got the chance.  She would get that chance.  She clung to that conviction as if it were a life preserver and she a castaway on the North Sea.  Next time there would be no confusion, no misunderstanding, no mistaking the fact that she was staying with him.

Oh she understood he had sacrificed his need (and hers, blast him!) to keep her safe, but his logic was invalid.  No place was safer than with the Doctor.  There were far more terrifying things than monsters, things like coldness and emptiness, darkness and madness.

Rose pushed herself up off the pillow. There would be no sleep tonight.  _“I don’t know what to say!”_ was an unnerving mantra and she couldn’t seem to shake it.  The tug was stronger, the pressure greater.  Perhaps tomorrow’s jump would be the One.

Rose rolled her neck and shoulders to relieve the tension.  She thought about the photo album, but then dismissed it.  Rambling off to his photograph now only seemed to make her stumble and then she’d choke up or cry and the panic would come back again. Perhaps if she ran for a bit she could settle herself down enough to rest a few hours.

 

 

Some days were better than others.  Today wasn’t one of them.  Of their own volition his converse clad feet made their way to his room and his secret solace. 

He shrugged out of his suit jacket and tossed it on the back of a chair.  Then he loosened his tie, and toed off his shoes.  Fishing the jacket she had left in the console room from under his pillow, he flopped down on his bed.   How he missed her!  Martha had been a temporary distraction and Donna was his best mate, but neither of them were Rose.  Rose… I love you.  Always have.  Always will.  Be brilliant. Be safe.  Rose Tyler: Defender of the Earth.

He hadn’t had the courage to return this scrap of fabric to her room.  He couldn’t go in there – the emptiness of that space made her absence too real.  So instead, coward that he was, he’d asked the TARDIS to hide her room away and had taken his prize back to his own sanctuary.  After an adventure, when his companion had retired for the night, he would retire and commune with Rose.  He told her all about everything, a verbal diary of sorts (he knew the TARDIS recorded everything) and he hoped someday, somehow if the universe was very kind just once, she would get to hear it.

“Donna and I went to the Library today. That’s not a room, it’s the whole planet.  The entire planet is the one library – biggest in the galaxy.  Donna’s not really the bookish type, more a glossy magazine gal, but I got an _invitation_ , so we just had to go to see what that was all about, didn’t we?  It turns out that the Vashta Nerada had taken over and killed anyone that the library computer hadn’t been able to upload to its data core.  See the Vashta Nerada lived on a forested planet and their forest was strip mined to make pulp to make paper to make – yep you guessed it: books for the Library.  Once I had that all sorted out, we were able to come to an agreement of sorts.  I got the people downloaded and off world, then we closed the library forever.  People saved and the Vashta Nerada left in peace.  Of course none of that happened without a cost. 

Why is that Rose?  Why does the universe always exact payment?  Is that the yin to my yang?  I set something right and so payment is made?  Sometimes the currency is just too high – even for Time Lords.”  He paused for a moment thinking of the price that it had cost to rid the Earth of the cybermen and daleks at Canary Wharf, how one pink and yellow girl had been sufficient to balance out the thousands of monsters.  Unconsciously, he crushed the jacket in his fist.

“Right now Donna’s all out of sorts over some computer generated bloke she met while she was in the mainframe.  She was living a computer generated life, met this fella, married him and even started a family!  Naturally that all disappeared when I got her out of there.   We waited and waited while the people were evacuated and she never caught sight of him.  Apparently he was only a construct of the computer software and Donna’s imagination. Still….  I say she entitled to some chocolate and bubble bath.  Maybe I’ll take her for some retail therapy; that always cheers her up.  There’s a nice oriental planet, Shan Shen, she hasn’t been to yet.”

The Doctor passed a weary hand over his face. “But that’s not all of it, Rose.   No, no it gets much better – or is that worse?  Depends on your perspective I suppose.  It is better because this is a report of a bad day and as the bad news increases it makes for a better tale of bad things?  Or is it worse because the worse events are yet to be told?” He sighed and shrugged, unable to sort that conundrum.  “I met someone new today: Dr River Song and I killed her.” 

“Well actually she killed herself by taking my place.  I might have survived the power surge, but she never stood a chance.  She knocked me out and handcuffed me to a pipe and then took my place in the interface.  I was willing to risk it to save all the people, to save Donna, but I never meant for…” He sat up on the edge of the bed and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Oh, Rose, I wish you were here.  You would have known what to do, what to make of River Song.  She had me all mixed up, kept telling me things she shouldn’t know and hinting at things I didn’t understand.  You would have sorted it, I know you would have.  Or you would have smacked her into next week and that would have been alright too.”

The Doctor draped Rose’s jacket across his shoulders and then scooted up the bed to sit with his back against the headboard.  “I need to tell you about River Song because everything about her bothers me and talking it out with you helps.  She is a mystery and what I learned today is extremely disturbing.  For starters her personal time line runs opposite to mine.  Do you have any idea how disconcerting that is?  I mean, to have someone – a human even, well… I think she’s human, she seemed very humanny… nope don’t like that word… er, humanesque?  Well, to have ANYONE know more about your future than you know yourself.  Most unsettling!  I found myself getting very annoyed with her and that’s not even the worst part, oh no, not by half!”

“She knew my name, Rose.  My real name!  There is only one time I would speak that name, only one way she could ever know it.  Some time in my future, I will marry River Song.”  The Doctor hung his head and sighed deeply.  “I really truly hope that it’s in my far distant future, so far ahead that there is no hope that you are still alive.  Because my marriage to River means that whatever tiny sliver of hope I had that you could come back to me is for nothing.  I would never, never marry anyone else if you were here or coming back to me.  And then to add insult to injury, she’s an archeologist, Rose!  An archeologist!  I despise archeologists!  Obviously there is more to this.  It’s in the future so I must have regenerated and completely lost my mind in the process.  That’s the only plausible explanation for such a debacle: I become a madman, a mad man with a, with a blue box!” 

Agitated the Doctor began pacing the room, Rose’s jacket draped around his shoulders like a cape.  “Any time I began to ask her questions, her smug answer was always, ‘spoilers.’  Infuriating woman!  I gave her my screwdriver.  Why would I give her my screwdriver?  Yes, she’s my wife and entitled to my property I suppose, but my screwdriver?  That’s almost like giving someone your toothbrush… argh! Oh now that’s a visual to give me nightmares, let me tell you!”

He paused in his pacing to stand before Rose’s dresser mirror.  He studied his face noting the panic around the edges of his dark eyes.  Today had frightened him on so many levels and other than his one way conversation with Rose he had no one to share this with.   As terrifying as the Vashta Nerada were, the Doctor had been more frightened by the complication and implication of River Song.  He closed his eyes and heaved a great sigh. 

When he looked again he saw how the sleeves of the jacket seemed to hug him around the neck.  He ran a loving hand over the fabric and allowed a gentle smile to flit across his pale face.  He would always take a hug from Rose any way he could.  Rose knew how to comfort him.  “Say, this blue doesn’t look to bad on me.  Maybe I should get myself a blue suit… what do you think?  Shake things up a bit?  But I digress.  Where was I?  Ah yes River…”

“River Song sacrificed herself today and she did it for me – me who didn’t know her, didn’t even like her.  She loved me, I could see that.  Only love puts the sadness I saw in her eyes.  I think it really hurt her when I didn’t recognize her today.  She told me of some of the things we did/will do together.  Adventures, running, saving the day... the usual stuff, I suppose.  Then she said I took her to the Singing Towers of Darillium and I gave her my screwdriver and I cried.  I gave her my screwdriver Rose!  I am shocked and terrified at the idea!

I tried to break out of the handcuffs, I really did but River knew what she was doing.” 

The Doctor sank down on the edge of the bed again, his head in his hands.  His voice became very quiet.  “I was completely prepared to die today.  Knowing that you are well and truly gone from my life, from my future, gave me permission to risk more than I should.  There was only one way to rescue Donna and the others.  If I had died today River’s past would have changed, but what did I care about that?  She would probably have been better off without me anyway; look what happened to her in the end.  But I didn’t get that chance.  She knew me well enough to know what I was planning and interfered.  She took my place and the electrical surge killed her before my eyes.”

“Now I will carry her death with me and every time I meet her I will know how she dies.  What a terrible burden.  I will carry it, I must, I owe her that, but Rose… it’s not right.  I don’t understand how I can possibly marry her.” He flopped backward onto the bed to stare up at his constellation ceiling.

“It was all a giant causal loop today.  Because I know how she dies, in the future I took steps to mitigate River’s fate.  I shall program the screwdriver I give her to store her brainwave pattern for a few minutes.  That’s what I did – and I figured it out in time to get free and get River uploaded to the computer mainframe.  She is saved in the Library and will exist there forever; protected by the quarantine I placed on the planet to keep the Vashta Nerada safe in their forest of books.” He threw one arm over his eyes tiredly.  “This has been an exhausting day, even for a Time Lord.  I think I’ll take a nap and then I’ll see if Donna’s ready to go shopping.  Good night my love, sleep well and dream of me – I know I will dream of you.  Oh, and one more thing – did you know I can open the TARDIS doors just by snapping my fingers?  Pretty impressive, me.   Be safe my love.  Be well.  Be happy.”

 


	14. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exploring the relationship between Rose and the TARDIS.

_"Oh, and one more thing – did you know I can open the TARDIS doors just by snapping my fingers?  Pretty impressive, me.   Be safe my love.  Be well.  Be happy.”_

 

Rose was not happy.  The TARDIS was sick.  She remembered how hard it had been on the ship the first time they had crossed over to the alternate universe.  Now she better understood what was happening.  Not only was the void dangerous and draining but this universe itself was unhealthy for the TARDIS.  It was being rejected in a manner not unlike Rose herself. 

Rose spent many hours alone with the TARDIS as the others worked to integrate her into the dimension cannon’s system.  Sometimes she would sit on the jump seat, sometimes she would lean against a coral strut, other times she would lie on the grating and stare up at the domed ceiling high above her.  The rest of the ship had been closed off from the moment they crash landed and Rose came to understand that this was part and parcel to the TARDIS’s injuries and the draining of her power. While she would have loved to retrieve some mementoes from her room they were lost to her in this reality.  So also was the Doctor’s library which might have been an incredible boon to their project.

Early on in her visits Rose had communicated by speaking aloud – much like her conversations with the Doctor’s photograph – but as time passed she became more attuned to the sentient ship and words became unnecessary.   For hours at a time they would be silent together except for the odd sigh or chuckle, wheeze or moan respectively. Rose knew that the ship was dying.  The dimension cannon project was inexorably siphoning off the TARDIS’s considerable energy.  Without the positive rift energy of her proper universe, she had no way to refuel and heal. 

Whenever Rose stared too long at the cabling that ran from her console and undergallery out the door, the TARDIS would give her a mental shove as if to say, “Leave off. Don’t dwell on it; this is what I want to do.”  Once when Rose’s own melancholy slid into guilt and depression for what was happening to her, the TARDIS delivered a nasty shock in reprimand.  “Ouch!” Rose cried, but instead of becoming angry she found herself giggling.  How many times had she seen the TARDIS do exactly that to the Doctor?  While the sting was painful, the memories it summoned were pleasant and precious.

The TARDIS was offended at Rose’s regrets.  Had she not chosen to bring herself here?  As if she would not expend herself to reunite her Thief and her Wolf!  If she had to surrender her life force to do it, the goal was noble indeed.  She was a child of time, born and bred to frolic in the time vortex.  She instinctually understood parallel worlds, multiverses and splinter realities.  This timeline might be ending, but there were other time lines and other Last Of The TARDISes.  Her sacrifice was small if it served to advance the prime time lines of her two most beloved corporeal creatures.  She would die here but she would live elsewhen. 

Rose used the sonic screwdriver to scan the ship once more.  The Doctor had taught her how to use some of the rudimentary settings and take the readings.  Mickey had been able to use her knowledge as a basis for another computer program that in turn helped them to explore more advanced settings and readings.  Separated from the time vortex of the other universe it was only a matter of time before the TARDIS life-force was depleted.

“Oh what have you done to yourself by coming with me?” Rose murmured sadly.  At this rate of decay, there were only weeks left.  The sentient ship was more than just a ship to Rose, she was a friend and ever since their joint effort to rescue the Doctor on Satellite 5 Rose had felt a close bond.  “You sacrificed yourself didn’t you?  But what if we’re wrong, what if I can’t find the splinter point and get this sorted out?”

A wave of affection and comfort surrounded Rose and lifted her spirits in affirmation.  This would work.  This had to work.

It did work.  Rose discovered that Donna was the key and eventually was able to get Donna to see that when she had turned right instead of left that day in the car with her mum, she had altered the entire time line.  In the splinter-universe Donna had to sacrifice herself to reboot the time line but in the end it all worked out perfectly.  Donna turned left, met the Doctor, had adventures with him saving many people, defeating monsters and most importantly keeping the Doctor from being alone.  Once this was corrected it meant the Doctor was still alive and would be able to solve the mystery of the disappearing stars, save Pete’s World (as Rose had dubbed it, just to keep everything straight in her mind and on paper).  Oh and they could be together again... if he’d let her.

Gambling on using a large amount of the ailing TARDIS’ energy Rose sent a homecoming message of **Bad Wolf** and made a final leap.


	15. Journey’s End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and the Doctor are reunited, but all is not as it would first appear.

 

As she knelt beside him on the street after the Dalek shot him, Rose felt the first niggling of doubt.  Her doubts increased when she hugged him and spoke to him after his aborted regeneration.  This wasn’t her Doctor.  Yes, it was the Tenth Doctor but there was a reserve about him, an eager shyness that didn’t belong between two people who had declared their love for each other.  He didn’t even try to kiss her.  In her heart Rose knew that this was the same version of the Doctor that the TARDIS had shown her – the one who never got to say “I love you”.  She wanted to weep in despair and scream in rage but there was no time for personal dramatics.  They still had to save the universes and Davros demanded all their attention.

Back on the beach in Pete’s World she gave him one last chance.  Would he finally say it?  “ _Prove me wrong,”_ she pleaded silently.  _“Let me be mistaken and let all this awkwardness to be just the rush and confusion of the adventure.”_

But the Doctor proved her worst fears.  She had still jumped into the wrong version of her universe.   When the part human Doctor whispered the longed for confession in her ear, she couldn’t help herself and kissed him deeply.   The Time Lord left them there and Rose’ heart broke for him.  He was so lonely and had just given away his chance at happiness so that she could have a love that would not outlive her by a millennia or more.  Oh yes she knew how much he loved her to make a sacrifice like that – it didn’t need saying after all. 

As a familiar hand slid into hers she knew she had made the right choice too.  No, it still wasn’t the Doctor who had appeared to her on this very same beach 5 years ago, but it was a close second.  Perhaps she wouldn’t ever get back to the real him.  Perhaps this was the way it was supposed to be – Rose Tyler and the Doctor living day to day, growing old together.  The stars were back where they should be, the climate and seismic activity was back to normal.  It hadn’t been because of Rose after all; it had been Davros and his reality bomb mucking about.

Rose’s optimism lasted 36 hours, the length of time it took to contact Pete, get a ride to the airport, and fly back to London to sleep.  She woke up in the Doctor’s arms.  They had crashed, fully clothed on her bed the night before having successfully waved off Jackie’s entreaties to stay at the mansion for a bit.  After so much time apart they were eager to be alone together, to rebuild their relationship without parental supervision.

A masculine groan rumbled above her head and the Doctor twitched.  Rose looked around carefully. He was still asleep.  A day’s growth of stubble on his chin and smudges under his long lashes were new details to his face.  Rose studied him carefully looking for differences in the image, much like she had studied Jack 2.0 when they had first met.  Same angular features, same smattering of freckles over light skin, same pouty lips, same fabulous hair; same Doctor, only this one had just one heart and no vortex energy to regenerate with.  Rose could see his eyes moving under his lids and a frown began to furrow his brow.  He was dreaming.

“Doctor?” Rose called gently, giving his shoulder a nudge.  “Doctor, wake up.  I think you’re having a bad dream.”

One eye opened to regard her blearily.  “Headache,” he grumbled.  “I was dreaming, yes and it was rather a pleasant dream until it all went pear shaped and my head started to hurt.”

“I’ll get you a couple of pain pills and some water,” Rose offered rolling off the bed.  “No Aspirin, at least until we can learn if you’re still allergic.”  She reappeared moments later and gave him the medication.  “Hungry?”

“Not really.  Maybe after I wake up some more.  I think I’d like to shower.”  However as the Doctor tried to stand beside the bed, he grabbed his head and sank back quickly.  “Maybe I’ll just wait for the medication to have an effect,” he murmured.

Rose frowned not used to seeing him like this.  “Are you okay?  I don’t remember you having a headache before – at least not such a bad one.”

“Never had a half human body before,” he replied with a lopsided smile.  “I’ll be fine.  You go put the kettle on and I’ll just rest a bit more.”

Rose left, closing the door quietly so as not to make any noise.  Suddenly she was aware of how loudly her bare wooden floors creaked as she crossed the apartment to the kitchen.  She checked her cell to see she had missed a call from her mum, 3 texts from Pete and 1 from Jack.  Checking the time she realized they had slept for nearly 14 hours.  She texted her mum to say she would call her later.  Then she read through Pete’s texts.  His first message said he personally would brief the team and file a leave of absence for her with Oswin.  His second message was that all indications of cosmic meltdown were gone and whatever they had done it had worked perfectly.  She stifled a sob with his third message that said the TARDIS was dead.  She had known the TARDIS was dying but had hoped some small ember of life still remained.  It would have given the baby TARDIS a much needed boost.  She grieved the emotional connection that was now severed.

Rose ran cold water in the kettle and then splashed some on her face to combat the tears and redness.  Then she scrolled through to Jack’s text which was longer. 

_“Welcome back.  I know this isn’t what you were planning, but I can’t deny that I am happy you are still here.  I’d love to meet your Doctor as soon as you feel up to sharing him!  Martha is demanding you have a complete physical now that all the dimensional cannon stuff is over and she has kindly offered to examine the Doctor too – all with complete Torchwood privacy of course.  The Time Agency would like to examine him too, but I don’t think that would be in his best interest.  We will need to discuss this ASAP and formulate a plan.  My days with TA may be numbered after all.”_

A shiver of dread ran down Rose’ spine, she hadn’t considered how appealing the Doctor would be to the Time Agency.  He might be half human, but as he had already explained he had all of the Doctor’s Time Lord mind: all his memories, all his knowledge.  What a prize that would be for any scientific agency and in particular a time oriented one.  Lost in thought, worrying on this new problem, Rose didn’t notice the shower turn on, or off and nearly jumped out of her skin when the Doctor came around the corner.

“Sorry,” he said noticing her startled state.  “I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.  Didn’t you hear me shower?  I used your razor by the way.  I guess I’ll owe you a new one.”

Rose blushed, embarrassed at feeling awkward, “Yeah, sure.  We’ll have to get you some things I reckon.  How’s your head?”

He shrugged, “Still there, but the pills took the edge off. It’s probably just fatigue, dehydration and hunger.  I have to remember this body will need more sleep, more liquids and more fuel to function properly.”

Rose chuckled, “Yeah, you’ll find it a real inconvenience I expect.  Living like us lowly humans.”

The Doctor closed the distance between them.  He slid his hands around her waist and slowly pulled her close, “I believe it’s worth the adjustment.”  He dipped his head and kissed her softly, exploring her mouth before increasing the pressure and tightening his grip. 

Rose wove her fingers through his still damp hair and tilted her head to get a better angle on his mouth. It was finally happening, she and the Doctor… Rose tried to tamp down any niggling feelings of doubt.  He was real, he was here and he wanted her.  So what if this wasn’t the original time line she had lived?  That was okay, wasn’t it?  Didn’t she deserve this comfort, this contact, this love?

Some of her inner turmoil communicated through to the Doctor and he paused.  Slowly he lifted his head and stared into her half lidded eyes.  “Rose.…” it sounded more like a question than endearment.  Before she knew what was happening he was disentangling himself and stepping back.  “Rose, it is me, you know that don’t you?  I am he, well… not completely Time Lord anymore, but I am the same man inside.  Same thoughts, same feelings, same memories…  What?”  He’d noticed her wince at the word _memories_.  “Rose, what’s wrong?  Tell me please, we have to be honest with each other if this,” he gestured to encompass the room, “is going to work.”

Rose sucked on her bottom lip, indecision clearly written on her face.

The Doctor’s face darkened in a flash of Donna-esque temper.  “Rose!  Talk to me!  Tell me what’s going on!”  He raked a hand through his hair.  “What is it, don’t you trust me?”

Rose shook her head in denial, reaching out to him.  “No Doctor, that’s not it.  It’s just… I don’t want… I don’t want to lose you if I’m wrong…”

The Doctor grabbed the hand she held out to him and drew her close again.  “You are not going to lose me,” he vowed.  Gently he led her over to the sofa, “Talk to me.”

Rose told him everything.  Sometimes the Doctor stopped her for clarification but mostly he sat very still, absently running his thumb over hers while she fumbled her way through the last five years of her life.  A couple of times Rose could tell he wanted to interject – particularly around those events that had not happened to him as she knew them to be.  She was amazed at his restraint and worked hard to make his patience worth the effort.  “So you see, when you said ‘same memories’ I reacted because you and the Doctor I know don’t share one very significant memory,” she concluded.  “I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is for me.”

The Doctor nodded slowly, frowned then sighed deeply.  “It’s going to take me a while to think about this – alternate realities created based on alternate decisions in a quantum mechanical multiverse scenario amplified by chronological key time points in one’s own time line?  I don’t know what to say, Rose.  I can’t argue with your memories – I’d have to prove that someone tampered with them and that leads me to another entirely complicated mess…  If I still had my telepathic abilities, I could look into your mind and see if it’s been tampered with, but I’m afraid that little trick went the way of my dual hearts.  No, I have to trust you if I expect you to trust me.”  Suddenly he grinned.  “So, my alternate self actually had the courage to say I love you, did he?  Huh, I must take after that one more than Does It Really Need Saying Mr. Time Lord!”

Rose returned his grin, feeling immeasurably more relaxed now that she had shared her story.  “Well, he did have the advantage of having his future self come and speak to him.  I don’t know exactly what was said, but I can guess based on what happened.”

“I have no memory of that.”

“That must be the nexus point – the place where the timelines or realities or whatever divided.  On one track your future self decided to go back in time and on the other you didn’t!  That means it’s still in the future, but also in my past…” Rose grimaced at the complications of time travel.

“Wibbly Wobbly, Timey Wimey,” the Doctor supplied absently and totally missed Rose’ double take at the silly phrase.  “You say Jack came up with this?  This universe’s Jack is pretty clever.”

“Our Jack was clever too – it’s just that you were so busy playing Mr. Macho to notice!” Rose poked at him playfully.

“I never play at being macho!  Well… almost never… a bit more macho in my old face I suppose…” he looked askance at Rose’s giggling. “Oi!  What was a guy to do when a young dashingly handsome fella moves in and begins flirting with your girl?”

“I was your girl?”

“Yep.”

“Even then?”

“Even then.”  That admission was rewarded with some kissing and some serious cuddling on the couch.  By unspoken agreement Rose and the Doctor drew the line at intimacy.  Rose still felt conflicted over the idea that this was not her “true” Doctor.  The Doctor was sensitive to her unease and unsure of his own adequacy: not only was he not fully Time Lord, he now had discovered he wasn’t _that_ Time Lord. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I woven in some more cannon compliant elements, but skipped most of the main story line. I hope I wasn't too oblique in my references, but obviously that's not the main focus of my tale.


	16. John Visits Torchwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where we learn a little more about John and about Rose...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a big chapter! It made no sense to divide it and every bit is important to the plot. But hey, it's the weekend where I am so everyone's got time for a longer bit or reading, right?

“Just so you are prepared, in this world Donna is our receptionist and Martha is a member of my Torchwood team – medical doctor and xenobiologist specialist.”  Rose and the Doctor – aka John Smith – walked arm in arm up the walkway outside of Torchwood Tower.

“Got it,” the Doctor affirmed. “I’m feeling a bit nervous about all this, if I’m honest.”

“Head ache gone?” Rose checked.  The Doctor seemed to have headaches fairly frequently.  The first one they had attributed to dehydration, fatigue and hunger.  Then there was the eye strain and the Doctor had been chagrined to discover that he really did need glasses for reading.  But now as the regular reasons for headaches had fallen away, their persistence was becoming a matter of concern.

The Doctor smiled at her. “Right as rain,” he lied.  True there was no lancing pain burning behind his eye sockets, but there was a persistent dull ache that he was pretty confident was not a normal part of the human condition.  The Doctor refused to dwell on it and thus refused to worry Rose with it.  Whatever it meant would no doubt be discovered eventually.  He could live in denial if that’s what it took to bring Rose a measure of peace.

“Good morning, Donna,” Rose greeted the receptionist and pulled out her bio-security card.  “This is –“

“John Smith!” the Doctor interrupted, “Rose’s Plus-One you could say.  I believe I’m expected?” He flashed a winning smile and thrust his hand towards her.  “I’m very glad to meet you; very, very glad indeed.”

Donna automatically shook the offered hand.  “Hello.  Yes, we are expecting you, Mr. Smith,” she replied, a bit flustered at his enthusiastic approach.  “Welcome back, Ms Tyler.  I need a bio-hand scan, Mr. Smith and then I can issue you your visitor’s card.”  She slid a tablet across the counter and with a wink to Rose he placed his left hand on the cool surface.

Donna’s sharp eyes narrowed as she intercepted the wink.  This John Smith character was a bit over the top in her opinion.  Security was a serious part of her job and he was making a joke of it.  Was he ignorant or arrogant?  What did someone like Rose Tyler see in this skinny strip of silly anyway?  Personally she liked a manly hunk of testosterone – someone like the charming Agent Harkness sprang to mind in comparison.  Fingers flying across the keyboard, Donna registered his scan and assigned his access as directed from the memo she’d received late yesterday.  “Dr. Jones is expecting you in Room C-49.”  C Level meant two floors below grade in the xenobiology department.  Funny, Mr. Smith didn’t look like an alien, but what did she know?  Donna silently filed that little fact away in her memory.  Receptionists knew a lot more than most people gave them credit for.

“Bit over the top back there,” Rose commented as they entered the elevator.

“But Rose, it’s Donna!  We’re practically family!”

“Not in this universe,” she reminded him.

“Right, yes well…she’s still brilliant.  Did you see how fast she could type?  ‘Fastest typist in Chiswick,’ she was always reminding me.  We could be great friends… all over again.”

“We’ll see.  But try and be a bit more restrained around Martha, okay?  You’re a stranger to these people, and very few know about parallel worlds and doppelgangers.  You could come off as pretty creepy.”

He nodded, tugging on his ear.  “I see your point.  Okay, this is me being restrained.”  He wiped all expression from his face and then arched an eyebrow at her.  “Shall we, Ms Tyler?” he asked as the door slid open.

Rose rolled her eyes in mock exasperation and led the way.

 

Martha put Rose and John in separate examining rooms and ran a battery of standardized tests.  She also took x-rays and MRIs.  Rose’s anomalous DNA was already a tightly guarded secret but Martha had been surprised when she’d been told not to discuss any of her findings.  She’d been under the impression that they were in a relationship.  In her experience, keeping secrets from your partner was a really bad idea.

Later that day Martha entered all her test results and did up her reports.  Rose Tyler and John Smith definitely were new – at least for this universe.  Martha Jones knew that both of them had crossed the Void and had become stranded here.  Perhaps their form of humanity was the norm over there.  She made a note to cross reference what she had on file for Mickey Smith since she now knew he was also a Void-traveler.  For that matter, she’d love to get her hands on some samples from Jack Harkness – there was something about him that was a bit off too.  Martha shook her head and took a deep breath.  She was getting paranoid.

Martha called up John’s data.  This would form a base line.  Unless there was an incident she had no reason to examine him again except to satisfy her own curiosity.  With a sigh she saved his file and closed it.  During his exam she’d had the impression he was barely tolerating it; she strongly doubted he would allow further testing just to satisfy her curiosity about his not-just human biology. 

Then she opened dual screens on her computer to compare Rose’s data to the base line information she had entered at the beginning of the dimension cannon project.  Everything was within in an acceptable variance.  Martha paused and then scrolled back to double check.  In fact everything was nearly a perfect match.  Zero cell degradation even though Rose had put her body through incredible stress.  “How is that possible?” Martha questioned her computer.  Somehow her DNA anomaly had enhanced her healing ability at a cellular level and/or increased her stamina exponentially.  Talk about the proverbial fountain of youth! This could be an incredible genetic advancement if it could be isolated and replicated.  Martha’s imagination began to spin off medical breakthroughs in aging, disease, quality of life… She made a note to book Rose back in for follow up in 2 weeks.   She’d try to get John back too.  They were a couple, so maybe Rose could influence him.

 

After their physicals, John wanted to explore, but his security pass didn’t allow him to go anywhere except C level, reception and surprisingly the offices of the CEO.  Pete Tyler greeted them himself when they exited the elevator.  Although he had already met the Doctor since Rose’ return, this was their first public appearance.  Pete shook his hand and made a show of welcoming him to Torchwood.  He then ushered them into his office and closed the door.  The Doctor went to the large window and studied the London skyline.  He automatically noted the differences and the similarities in architecture.  His eyes followed the passing of a zeppelin.

“Everything all right then?” Pete asked.

“Sure,” Rose answered watching the Doctor.  He’d said nothing about the tests Martha had performed except to say that she was still a competent medical officer. 

“I noticed my movements were tightly controlled,” the Doctor muttered, bitterness seeping into his words.  “Have something to hide, Pete?  I thought this Torchwood was a public company.”

“Torchwood is a public company, Doctor, but we also deal with very sensitive and even dangerous elements.   We can’t have just anybody wandering around and getting hurt.”

Rose could see the Doctor bristling at the implication and quickly spoke up, “I’d like to give the Doctor a tour of Torchwood while we’re here.”

“Of course,” Pete picked up the phone and made a quick call to security to have John Smith’s security clearance adjusted.  “This is only temporary,” he explained.  “If you decide to come work here, we can get you in the system properly and you will have the highest level of clearance.”

“Dad,” Rose protested, “You gave me an indefinite leave of absence, and we’re going to make use of it.  Stop trying to get the Doctor involved here.”

“To be honest, Pete, I don’t know if I’d feel comfortable working for Torchwood – any Torchwood.  There are a lot of bad memories.”

“Well the offer stays on the table, Doc…er, John.  You would definitely be an asset and I would be a fool not to bring you on if I could.  However, I also know you and Rose need some time to yourselves.  This has to be a big adjustment for you and I respect that.  Only promise me you won’t go and get yourself hired someplace else before you give us a chance.”  Pete gave his best salesman smile and won a cautious smile from the Doctor for his efforts.  “Jacks also wanted me to remind you about dinner tonight.”

Rose threaded her arm through the Doctors and began leading him to the door.  “Dinner tonight; got it.”

Rose gave the Doctor a thorough tour.  For the most part he was politely bored but a few things sparked his interest.  The artifact display in the visitor’s lounge had him smugly pointing out five misidentified pieces and exclaiming over how the Medusa cascade was a mirror image on the star chart mural.  Rose had to continually hush him as he drew more than his fair share of stares.  Finally she took to poking his ribs every time he started to begin a lecture until he muttered under his breath to her, “Rose, I don’t have Time Lord regenerative abilities anymore; you’re leaving a bruise!”

“You’re leaving something too,” she whispered back, “A boat load of questions about who you are!”

“Ah!  Not maintaining a low profile, am I?”

“You think?” Rose tugged him along, giving passing people a neutral smile. 

She had to lure him out of the R&D laboratories and storerooms with the promise of showing him the dimension cannon.  The Doctor made a mental note to return wearing his blue suit with the trans-dimensional pockets – there were a few bits and bobs here he could use and a few that should not be in amateur hands, ever.

“Are you going to introduce me to your Torchwood team?” he asked casually.  So far there had been a conspicuous lack of Torchwood operative-types.

“Of course,” Rose rushed.  “Only I think I noticed that they’re out on a mission right now.” She was reluctant to introduce the Doctor to her team.  While she had confessed all to this Doctor, she’d had no opportunity to brief her team on who exactly he was, or more significantly who he wasn’t.  She didn’t want the Doctor to feel uncomfortable during that conversation. 

Finally they arrived at the dimension cannon room.  “This is it,” she punched in the security code.  The absent technicians gave the room an abandoned air.  Motion sensors automatically lit the cleared area in the center of the room where she had made her numerous jumps.  A tangle of thick cabling encircled the space and drew the eye to a shadowed corner where the TARDIS stood.  Quickly the Doctor crossed to the ship and laid a gentle hand on the battered blue surface.  The door was ajar and the hinges creaked as he pushed in and entered.  The interior was dark and silent.

“The TARDIS gave us her energy to boost the dimension cannon.  We used her energy signature to perfect the co-ordinate calibrations which allowed me to make better jumps.  But crossing the Void hurt her and we didn’t know how to repair her properly.  She was dying and when I had to make so many jumps to repair the splinter in Donna’s timeline…” Rose struggled to speak around the lump growing in her throat.  “Pete said my last jump finished her.”

The Doctor nodded sadly.  “Without sufficient Time Lords to buffer the effects of the Void, the TARDIS couldn’t help but be injured.  Remember the first time we slipped through to Pete’s World?  That was very hard on her.  She’s not a part of this reality and so the rift energy here is poison to her.  Our TARDIS is still in its infancy stage, she should be able to adapt to this universe’s unique energy signature as she develops.”  The Doctor strode further into the console room as if he could see in the dark.  This was his TARDIS after all; he could navigate the room blindfolded if necessary.  Rose followed using the other room’s ambient light to guide her steps.

He ran a loving hand over the console, silently saying his goodbyes.  “She’s just a shell now, but still…  Rose, can you get us a pair of flashlights?  We might be able to salvage some things.  Overtime, the TARDIS’s trans-dimensional existence will fade.  Many of her features have already degraded.  I’m sure she jettisoned her peripheral rooms already, but we might find a few bits and bobs if we’re lucky.  The consol is the last thing to go, so as long as it’s still here we can get back out.”

“What do you mean get back out?”

“Everything that is inside a dying TARDIS dies with her.  In the end she will decay to an empty shell, or in this case an empty police box.”

Rose blinked at him in mild shock and then ran out to fetch a pair of lights and two duffle bags.

The Doctor gazed up at the still rotor.  “We’re not meant to be here, are we old girl?”  He pinched the bridge of his nose.  Sometimes the acupressure counteracted the headache that never quite left him.   His clever Time Lord mind had already arrived at the likely prognosis.  The dead TARDIS was confirmation.  He was dying.  Not the slow path withering of a human life but the brief may fly life of a biological metacrisis.

Without a TARDIS to shield him from the ravages of the alternate universe, he was fighting a losing battle against the poison attacking the strands of his TNA.   There was no counterpart for his kind in this universe and he was being effectively rejected.  Not a visible attack like Reapers, but just as effective.

He berated himself for leaving Rose here with his defective self.  The reasoning was clear but the outcome very poorly thought out.  Of course, he was actually the first biological meta-crisis ever, untried and unknown; how could he have anticipated this alternate reality’s reaction to his existence?  Leaving them with a bit of TARDIS to grow for themselves had been brilliant.  Too bad it would grow too slowly to help him.  With whatever time he had left, he would work to getting Rose back to the Doctor – preferably him from her original time line.  He would use the dimensional cannon, parts from the TARDIS and his brilliant Time Lord brain.  If only he had a sconic screwdriver…

Rose reappeared with the goods and for the next half hour they collected items.  The Doctor bemoaned the fact that the duffel bags were woefully limited in their capacity.  Rose reminded him that nobody else had bigger-on-the-inside anything and he’d just have to deal with it. 

“What about the bigger bits, will we have time to get all this out?”  She was eyeing the jump seat and thinking she’d like to have it in their apartment.

The doctor nodded, “Oh we should be fine.  There’s time to salvage everything I should think.  Especially if we can get some help with the heavy lifting.  I’m not as strong as I used to be.” His smile was strained.

Rose wrapped her arms around him.  “This must be so hard for you.  I know how sad I’m feeling.”

He returned her hug, drawing comfort from her touch.  Dismantling the TARDIS was like doing an autopsy on your very best friend.  “It is hard,” he admitted.  “We go way back – me and this ship.  Still, I’m grateful for her sacrifice… it brought us together.”

“I looked into the TARDIS and the TARDIS looked into me.”

“What did you say?”  Those were the words Rose/Bad Wolf had declared.  He’d thought Rose had no memory of that event.

“I said the TARDIS and me, we had this connection.  I can’t explain it, but it was like we understood each other here,” she slid a fist between them and pressed it to her chest.  “I know she was telepathic and got into my head, but it was even more than that, you know?”  Rose peered up at him in the gloom, puzzled by his reaction.  “Doctor?  You all right?”

“I’m always all right,” he replied, which was his way of saying the exact opposite was true.

Rose debated questioning him further but decided there would be a better time.  This Doctor was certainly more open than his full Time Lord counterpart but he could still keep his thoughts to himself most stubbornly.  She could either appeal to his Donna-like nature and provoke him into a confession, or she could beguile him with a banana milkshake and his favourite movie.  Rose decided to be patient.

Before they left Torchwood, Rose made arrangements for the Doctor to supervise the dismantling of the TARDIS over the course of the next few weeks.  Their traveling the globe would have to wait until everything that could be salvaged was.  Then there would be sorting and cataloguing.  Rose calculated it would be summer before they would be free to roam.  Maybe she should go back on active duty while she waited.

 


	17. Bad Wolf Syndrome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Thank you Dr. Martha Jones, you have given this dying man hope!”

 

“Rose!” John Smith shouted, tossing his treasure into the air.  “You didn’t tell me you had my sonic screwdriver!”

“I picked that up on my second trip after Donna turned right instead of left – same trip as I got the TARDIS.  Mickey and Jake jury rigged it into the cannon somehow to improve the calibration.”

“That was clever of them,” he commented, slipping the screwdriver into his pocket.  He’d found it while poking around the dimension cannon device as he mentally made his plans for improvement and adjustment.  Ostensibly he was supervising the team dismantling the TARDIS, but basically it was just heavy lifting at this point and they had that all well in hand.   Now that he had his sonic screwdriver back he would be able to do this job much more efficiently.

“Whatcha doing?” Rose asked sidling up to him.  She had just dropped in to see if he could go for lunch.

“Oh just looking at this fine example of human ingenuity and engineering.  You know, you really shouldn’t have been able to cross the Void.  Not at all, and certainly not with this.  It’s a puzzle for me to work on.”

“What for?  All the fissures in the Void are sealed again now that the reality bomb is gone.  Not like we can use it…” Rose’s voice tapered off and she looked at him considering.  “Do you want to use it?  I think the Doctor was pretty firm in wanting us to stay on this side of the Void.”

“I know, but I love a puzzle.  I have to understand it.”  _And I have to see how to make it work again, my love, because you’re going to want it to._

 

Dr. Martha Jones had a problem.  She had succeeded in getting both her subjects back for further testing.  Rose’s results were unchanged – that in itself was disturbing, but John’s results were much more worrisome.  John had been failing to hide his headaches and Rose had urged him to seek medical help.  How do you tell a person they are dying?

“I know,” John replied quietly.  “Figured it out for myself awhile back, but thanks for trying to break it to me gently.”

“I can give you something that should help you manage the pain.”

“Side effects?”

“Drowsiness, primarily.”

John shook his head.  “No, that won’t do.  I need to be sharp.  Focused.”

“But if you’re distracted by the headaches...”

“I’ll have to deal with it!” he snapped and then smiled ruefully.  “Sorry Martha.  I know you’re only doing your medical duty.   There is no cure for this and we both know I have a limited amount of time.  I can’t afford to waste it nodding off.”

“But...”

“No, and that’s final.” His expression brooked no argument.

“Does Rose know?”

“Not yet, but I will tell her soon.  It’s getting impossible to hide anymore.”  John fished a folded paper from his pocket and handed it to Martha.  “That’s a list of what I want done and not done in the case of my collapse.  It’s signed so it’s legal.  I want you to promise me you’ll follow these instructions completely.”

Martha quickly scanned the paper.  Nothing on it surprised her and she nodded solemnly. “I’m so sorry, John.  I wish that…”

“I know.  Thank you.” John’s eyes were kind and sympathetic.  “Now, tell me about Rose.”

“What?”  Martha bristled at a blatant breach of client/patient privacy.

“Rose.  You’ve found something haven’t you?  I’ve done some scans myself but you can only get so much information from a sonic screwdriver.  Marvelous tool but it does have its limits.  Rubbish with anything wood.  Not that Rose is wood, mind you.  So, what do you know?”

“That’s privileged information.”

“And I’m privileged.  This is about Rose – and anything about her is important to me.”

“I haven’t even discussed it with her, let alone anyone else.”

“Martha, doctor to Doctor, what have you learned?” he pressed. “She’s not aging is she?  I can see that.  And her physical recovery from stress and injury is remarkable even by athletic standards.”

Martha nodded.  She was eager to share her findings but felt guilty about not speaking first to Rose.  “There is an anomaly in her DNA composition.  At first I wondered if it was because she was human from a parallel world – I hear they are almost but not quite identical?  But then I cross referenced her sample with what I have on file for Mickey Smith who I know also came from over there and his sample what I would say was normal.  Your DNA isn’t the same as Rose’s so I know that she’s not the same species as you are – well and there is the obvious fact that she’s not having headaches and…”  Martha regretted bringing the subject back to John’s terminal prognosis.

John nodded eagerly.  “Can I see for myself?”  He stood gesturing to the laboratory and pulling out his glasses.

Having already verbally disclosed her findings, Martha couldn’t find a reason to deny him.  She called up the relevant files onto her monitor and handed him her report.

“Oh, you beauty!  Brilliant, that’s what you are: brilliant!” John exclaimed peering at the screen and readouts.

“You understand this?”

“Oh yes!  Completely.  I thought when I took the Time Vortex out of her that would be the end of it.  I should have known given the amount of time she was carrying that around inside her, she was being altered…” John flashed a grin at her.  “Martha, this is one for the medical books although I know you can never publish it.  This,” he pointed to Rose’s stats, “I am calling the Bad Wolf Syndrome.”

“Bad Wolf?”

“It’s a long story.  Let’s just say, when you touch time itself it changes you.  I touched time for only a few seconds and it killed me – well, forced me to regenerate anyway.  Rose here touched time for a few whole minutes! Other than selective amnesia she was unharmed, why didn’t I notice that?  It’s so obvious! Well… I was in a regenerative coma for a bit but still…  Oh, I can be thick sometimes! Thick, thick, thick!”  He grabbed Martha by the shoulders and kissed her soundly.  “Thank you Dr. Martha Jones, you have given this dying man hope!”

With that he loped out of the room leaving a very nonplussed xneobiologist in his wake.


	18. Bad Wolf Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose learns what has happened to her and to John

 

 Rose set aside her empty toast plate.  “I had a strange dream last night.”

“Oh?” the Doctor set aside the completed Sudoku puzzle.  Running numbers seemed to be a good trick to dampen The Headache.

“Yeah, I dreamt was looking at the time line chart that you and Jack drew when all of a sudden it seemed to come alive.  The lines looked like tiny rivers sparkling in the light.”

The Doctor sat very still.  It was as if she could see into his head.  Well… not this head, this head didn’t see time but his old head, his proper Time Lord head…

“In these rivers there were these bumps or knots if you like and sometimes the river would split apart and become two or more.  Some of these I knew I couldn’t touch,”

_Fixed points._

“…and some I could touch if I wanted to.  I reached out and I touched one of those with my finger on one of the knots and the knot disappeared.  It was like taking a rock out of a stream and where the water had divided to go around the rock, it now flowed back together.”  Rose paused noticing the Doctor’s expression.

“Doctor?  What is it?”

“Rose, what you are describing… it’s how I used to see time in all its infinite possibilities, always flowing and turning and changing.  You just dreamt of manipulating time!”

“I did?  How about that!  I must be starting to get all that stuff you and Jack have been discussing after all.”

But the Doctor knew it was much more than her subconscious making sense of what she had heard.  Was she beginning to remember what it was like to be Bad Wolf?  Her affinity with the old TARDIS as she had described it was a strong indicator.  It was time to have The Talk.

“Rose, there are some things I have to tell you.   I went to see Martha yesterday.”

“I know.  Sorry I didn’t’ get to talk to you about it last night.  That whole business with the Racknoss was crazy and I was just knackered when we finally got home.  What did you learn?  Doctor?” His serious face was frightening her.

“Rose, I know you don’t remember what happened on Satellite 5 just before I regenerated.  You have partial amnesia and I was content to leave it at that.  We were a bit distracted with the whole regeneration and then the Sycorax and you seemed to be fine and then there was more running and adventures and after a while I just forgot, but truly I should have known…”he shook his head at his own obtuseness.  Had he paid more attention, things might have turned out quite differently for all of them. Some genius he was.

“Doctor, what are you going on about?  What happened on the Game Station that I don’t remember?  Does it have something to do with Captain Jack?  You said he was a fixed point in time, that’s why he can’t die, but you never said how that happened.”

The Doctor sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands.  “When everything went pear shaped on the Satellite 5 I sent you home.”

“That I remember.  You are still not completely forgiven.”

“But then you came back.  You should not have been able to do that, but I never took into account your large amount of human determination.  In a desperate bid to communicate with the TARDIS you found a way to open up her console and look into her heart, right into the Time Vortex.  When you returned  you told me that you looked into the TARDIS and the TARDIS looked into you – that’s why when you repeated those words a few days ago I reacted.  I didn’t think you remembered that.”

“I don’t, not consciously anyway.”

“Well, by looking into the heart of the TARDIS you took on the Time Vortex.  It became a part of you and you became Bad Wolf.”

“Bad Wolf!  I know that name – we used to see it all over.  I remember seeing those words back at the Estate and thinking they were some cosmic signal, a sign that I could get back to you.” 

“When you had the Time Vortex inside you, you put those words out there in time and space, a message to yourself.  You could see all of time and space and manipulate it at will.”

Rose’ eyes grew big but she didn’t say anything.

“You were the one who defeated the Dalek army, Rose.  You scattered their atoms with a wave of your hand. Jack died that day but you brought him back to life.” He reached across the table and took her hand. “Only you weren’t in complete control of the power and so you brought him back completely – made him a fixed fact in time.”

“I trapped him in a life,” she whispered.  “He has to watch as time passes him by, people grow up and old and…  Oh! What have I done?  Poor Jack!”

“You didn’t know!  You love him Rose and your love made you do something impulsive but your heart was pure.”

“I wish I could talk to him, ask him to forgive me,” Rose sighed and then shook her head to bring herself back to the conversation at hand.  “Okay, so what does Bad Wolf have to do with Martha and you going to see her?”

The Doctor smiled slightly.  Rose’s capacity to accept the impossible never failed to amaze him.  “You were never meant to hold the Time Vortex and it was killing you, burning you up on the inside.  I had to take it out of you and send it back into the TARDIS.  When I did that you fainted and then I regenerated.”

Rose was stumbling through a succession of emotions and revelations.  The irony that the very thing she had done to save the Doctor had in effect forced him to “die” was not lost on her.  Resolutely she set that aside to focus on the present.

“Okay, and that’s important now because…” she asked leadingly.

“In order for you to hold the Time Vortex as long as you did, Bad Wolf had to alter your DNA.”

“My DNA?”  Jack had told her that her DNA was different, but they had never been able to explain it.  “You mean I’m not human anymore?  I’m some kind of alien?”

“More like an augmented human, or human plus.  Essentially, in order to be a vessel for the Time Vortex you had to be able to repair and replicate your cells at an incredible rate.  Rose, haven’t you noticed you are barely aging?  And even for a fit athlete you have an exceptional healing and recovery rate.”

“So I’m not like Jack who can’t die, but I’m getting older a lot slower and I can heal faster?” Rose was trying to fathom the implications.

“Exactly.  I should have picked up on this long ago.  I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.  It’s not your fault.  I chose to do what I did.  I had to try and save you” 

“And you did, in more ways than one.”  They shared a tender smiled and for a brief moment the Doctor though that maybe Rose would drop her first question and focus on the ramifications of being Bad Wolf.

“But what about you, Doctor?  You went to see Martha about your headaches.”  Ah, so much for delay tactics.

“Yes, well… that’s another story isn’t it?  Rose, do you remember the Reapers?  How they sterilize the wounds in time?  Well, I’m afraid I’ve run into a similar situation here.  As you know, there are no natural Time Lords in this universe and no TARDIS.  We are like foreign bodies in the system and the universe releases antibodies to protect itself.  Okay to visit, but don’t plan to stay.”

“That’s what I thought I was like, why the stars were going out, I was getting rejected by the universe.  But that wasn’t true for me – it was Davros punching holes in reality.  Why is it like that for you and not me?”

“You have DNA - albeit modified; I also have TNA – totally alien to this world.  Remember how I said the rift energy over here was poison to the TARDIS and that’s why she couldn’t heal herself or recharge herself?  The same is true for me.  I’m dying Rose. My Time Lord mind is being attacked.  That’s what the headaches are about.”

“We can fix that, right?”  Rose grabbed his hand squeezing it tightly. 

The Doctor shook his head, “If I had a full grown TARDIS, one that had grown up here and adapted so it could survive on this alternate energy, I could set up a dampening field and be shielded from the worst of it.  Of course that would mean I would be confined to the TARDIS and that I would still not be totally immune, but since our TARDIS is years away from being remotely ready…”  The Doctor sighed at the futility of it all.  “I’m sorry Rose, I’m truly sorry, but I can’t be your forever after all.”

Rose was frozen with shock.  “I… I can’t accept that,” she finally choked out.  “There has to be something we can do.”  All those years she had thought that this universe was rejecting her like some antibody and to now have the Doctor in a similar and even more perilous situation was astounding.

“You don’t think I’ve tried?” he shot back in frustration.  “I don’t want to die, Rose!  I don’t want to, but I have to accept the facts.  So do you.”  He stood up abruptly and walked away to stare out the living room window.

Rose followed and hugged him from behind.  She pressed her face against his back to blot her tears, “How long?”

“I don’t know.  Not long.  Based on the pain progression I would say weeks not months.”

She stifled a sob.  So quickly! “What do I do?  How can I help?”

The Doctor turned around in her arms to embrace her.  “Just be you; that’s all I need.  Be Rose Tyler.”

“Do you want to travel or something?  You know, fill a bucket list?”

The Doctor laughed hollowly.  “That could be fun, but no I have something more important to do.  The only thing on my bucket list is repairing the dimension cannon and sending you on to the Doctor, to the Time Lord that was able to say I love you.”

Rose was crying now in earnest.  “I don’t want to lose you.  I don’t want to lose any of you.  I love you.”

“And I love you.  That’s why this is important.  I can’t abandon you here again.  I won’t.”

“If the universe is attacking you because you didn’t have a counterpart here, why am I not attacked too?  And don’t say I’ve been spared because of that dog!”  Rose being the name of the Tyler’s pet instead of daughter was still a source of wry amusement.

“I think Bad Wolf took care of that.  Remember, you could see all of time and space then.  In those timeless moments you made plans and arrangements.  Whatever attacks you might have are being counterbalanced by your enhanced cellular regeneration.”

“But then why did I allow any of this to happen?  Why didn’t I protect you too?”

“Because you are meant to be with the other me, love.  You are meant to be with the full Time Lord that confessed his love.  Other choices, other people’s decisions affected your journey, but that is your destiny.  The Doctor and Rose Tyler in the TARDIS, as it should be.”

Rose tried to make sense of all these revelations but her emotions were getting in the way.  “I don’t want you to die.  Bad Wolf should have fixed that.”

John smiled gently and placed a careful kiss on her furrowed brow.  “Neither of us can see the big picture.  I don’t want to die either Rose, but I’ve made peace with it.  I knew taking the slow path, having only one heart, would mean I’d die eventually.  And if I’m going to be completely honest, I was selfish enough to want to die first.  I don’t want to live on without my Rose Tyler, but I did hope we’ve have more time than this.”

 

In order to get permission to reopen the dimension cannon project, they had to tell Pete the truth.  They picked a Sunday afternoon visit to break the news to Pete and Jackie together.  After the shock and sadness of the situation, Jackie surprised everyone.  “I can’t deny you love him, sweetheart.  I’ve seen it over and over again how you fight to be together.  I’d hoped that this would be it – all of us together at last, but even I can see what’s happening and we won’t stand in your way. I got a second chance at my true love and what kind of mother would I be if I denied that for my own daughter?”


	19. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John nodded and visibly relaxed. He could cross another detail off his list.

He gave her shoulders a sympathetic squeeze.  “You miss him.  I’m sorry.”

Rose nodded, “I do, but I understand why he stayed behind.  His gran over here had died and I was with you… he didn’t have anyone to come back to here.  Besides, I saw the way he looked at that Martha Jones.  I think he fancied her.  He was friends with Martha here, but she’s more a by the book, button down doctor.  That Martha had been your companion – they had that in common – and traveling with you changes people.  She was bolder and braver and more exiting.  I could see why Mickey liked her.”

“I made Martha more exciting?”  The idea fascinated him.  He knew having companions made him better but he had never stopped to consider how he had impacted them.

“You didn’t make her more exciting, you just… traveling with you brings out the best in people.  It’s like it was always there inside, but being with you helps it come out.  Mickey and Martha will have their adventures with you in common, someone they can share that with.”  Rose thought of the Jack that was here in this universe.  He had become a good friend, but she missed Captain Jack, the one she could share Doctor Stories with.  The Doctor thought of Donna.  This Donna was a stranger and seemed determined to keep her distance.  He dearly missed his best friend, the fiery mate who didn’t take any guff and kept him on the up and up.

“Understood.  Still, I’m sorry you miss him.”

“Me too.  I never thought I’d have to do this again without him,” she confessed with a sigh.

“There’s me,” the Doctor offered reminding them both of a time long ago when Rose had said the same thing to a war torn Time Lord.

They shared a grin and a lingering hug. 

“I’m not doing this until – well – until after.”

The Doctor was conflicted.  He was thrilled to keep his Rose with him as long as possible, but he also longed to see her safely on her way.  “But you need me at the controls.”

“Jack can do that – he’s very clever when he stops flirting.  You’re doing the impossible part, building this thing.  Let him operate it when… when it’s time.”

“Rose…”

“No.  I’m not arguing about this.  I’m staying and for once you’re not sending me away until I’m good and ready to go.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, so no more talking or plotting or whatever you got going on in there.  Got it?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Rose huffed.  She wished she could have had that conversation with her other Doctor then maybe all of this could have been avoided.  But “if only’s” were a maudlin trap she refused to be ensnared by.  Here and now, that’s what she had to hold on to – the wibbly wobbly part of time travel she’d leave to the Doctor and Bad Wolf.

“Tell me again how you can calibrate this to send me to the right time line?”

“I’m clever that’s how,” he quipped.  “I’m using the old data Mickey was kind enough to compile, plus my own understanding of time travel, and bits from the TARDIS.  The old TARDIS is dead so it will have no pull on you and your TARDIS key.  The only living TARDIS over there now is the right one.  We will zero in on that.”

“Why did I keep jumping into the wrong alternate before?  Was the wrong TARDIS (she hated referring to any TARDIS as wrong, but it was the easiest way to keep everything straight) stronger somehow or was it just dumb luck?”

“Don’t believe in luck, or coincidences.  That only leads to a gambling addiction and I gamble enough as it is without depending on luck.  I have a theory about that, now that I’m not running all the time I’ve had plenty of time to think.  It seems to me that the TARDIS didn’t always take me where I wanted to go, but she always seemed to take me where I needed to be.  You wanted to be in the right time line, but you were needed to be in the wrong one.  You got Donna to turn left remember and that in turn saved the Doctor?  And that’s where you rescued the TARDIS and my sonic screwdriver which now in turn makes this precision jump possible and will reunite you with me.”

Rose shrugged.  Sounded like one gigantic causal loop to her, one filled with paradox upon paradox.  No wonder reaper type things were attacking.  “Wibbly wobbly…”

“…timey, wimey,” he finished for her with a manic grin.

 

“So, Jack tell me,” began John in a conversational tone, “How does one become an Ex-Time Agent and not have their memories wiped?”

Jack’s slice of pizza paused mid air before landing carefully back on his plate.  “That’s a very good question, John,” he replied carefully, trying to fathom how much this mysterious man might know about the Time Agency.

“Hmm, I thought so,” John replied taking a big bite of his slice and then wiping his chin with a paper napkin.  “Care to answer?”

“Just between you and me?  Technically I’m still employed by them.  I’m on an extended sabbatical, you might say.”

“Sabbatical?  Sounds a bit too spiritual for the Jack I used to know, but then again, parallel universes and all, I guess this could be one of those small differences.”

“Can’t say I’ve ever been much of a spiritual man,” Jack acknowledged with a shrug.  “I accrued more vacation time than they knew what to do with.  The Agency’s shrink doctors are very adamant that Time Agents get sufficient down time to compensate for all the temporal displacement of unshielded time travel.  I was basically forced to take a break – a long one.”

“Was this before or after you discovered Rose had returned?”

Jack grinned.  “During?  Like I told you before, her sudden appearance in the time continuum threw up red flags.  I was sent undercover to discover who she was and what she was up to.  My reports back to my superiors, while not inaccurate by any means, were less than my usual stellar quality.  Quality control is big at the Agency.  Kinda started throwing up my own red flags and got an enforced vacation for my declining performance.”

John gestured to the cannon room and all its machinery, parts and reams of technical documents.  “Strange place for a vacation, for a man of action like you.”

“Are you kidding me?  Come on John, this is history in the making!  Rose and you… you’re the most exciting people I have ever met and believe you me that’s a very impressive list you’re at the top of!  Parallel worlds!  Alternate realities!  I couldn’t get more of an adrenaline rush unless I was the one doing the jumping.”  Jack ran a speculative eye over the cannon portal.  “Say…what if…”

“No, Jack.  No, no, no.  I am not going to be responsible for unleashing Jack Harkness on the unsuspecting multiverse!”  John laughed to soften his refusal.  “Seriously, Jack you know the cannon is keyed to Rose and my TARDIS.”

“But Donna…”

“Was from that world and had once been dosed with enough Huon particles to make a tenuous link.”

“And the other jumpers…”

“Worked only when there is a hole in the wall between worlds.  Those all resealed once Davros and his reality bomb were dealt with.”

Jack’s face displayed his disappointment, “Too bad.”

“No it’s not. Jack crossing the Void is incredibly difficult.  It should be impossible without a whole roomful of Time Lords, but apparently Rose didn’t get the memo.”  Jack snorted in amusement. Rose’s tenacity and determination were legendary. “It’s also incredibly dangerous.  There are things in the Void that must never pass into reality.  You think Cybermen are monsters?  You have no idea and I hope you never learn.”  John leaned over and put a heavy hand on Jack’s shoulder.  “Once this is done the dimensional cannon must be destroyed.  Every hint of its technology must be wiped from existence.  You must make sure that happens, Jack.  I’m counting on you.”

Jack stared into his earnest face, comprehending the seriousness in his heated eyes and tense voice.  “Yes, sir; absolutely understood.”

John nodded and visibly relaxed.  He could cross another detail off his list.  “Will you go back to the Agency?”

“Dunno.  I kinda like it here.  This is the century when everything changes for the human race and I think I can make a real difference.  Torchwood is the predecessor to the Time Agency, you know.  If I can help it to realize its potential I can shape the Time Agency in the future.  Make it better for everyone and in particular a young recruit from the Boeshain Peninsula…”

The two veteran time travelers shared a laugh.  The situation smacked of all kinds of paradoxes.  “Ah, Jack, if I was my Time Lord self I would be thinking of ways to stop you.  I’d feel duty bound to thwart your plan to manipulate time to your own advantage.  But I’m not that man – not anymore.  My human half applauds you and my Time Lord half envies you.”

“Don’t envy me, John.  You’re the one Rose is waiting for at home.”  Jack winced at his confession but wouldn’t back down from it.

John shared a smile, man to man.  “She is easy to love, isn’t she, our Rose Tyler?  I never stood a chance from the moment I grabbed her hand in that basement and told her to run.  It’s still hard to believe she could love me back.”

“Believe it,” Jack asserted.  “When Rose arrived here I shamelessly applied every ounce of my considerable Harkness charm and she never wavered; even when she didn’t have any idea about getting back to you.  If you didn’t love her as much as she deserved I’d cheerfully kill you with my bare hands.”  Jacked regretted that last sentence as soon as he spoke it.  No one forgot for long that John was a dying man.

John raised his paper cup, “To Rose.”

“To Rose.”

Just then a sound very much like a microwave dinged.  John grinned and clapped his hands, “Right!  That would be the inverted wave stabilizer coupling.  Shall we install it before we call it a night?”


	20. What Do We Do About The Baby?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Rose have a difficult heart to heart.

 

“What are we going to do about the baby TARDIS?” Rose asked John’s Converse clad feet.  It was a Saturday and they had the cannon room to themselves.  John was lying half under the control’s central command module and Rose was perched on a lab stool.  They had easily fallen into their old routine of his tinkering and her chatting.

“Well… that will depend,” came his muffled answer, “on how this all plays out, I suppose.”

John had Rose spending a few hours every day with the piece of TARDIS coral that would someday grow into a sentient time ship.  TARDISes were sentient, telepathic creatures and since Rose had demonstrated a strong relationship with the original TARDIS, John hoped a similar bond could be forged with the baby.  Without that connection there would be no hope of flying her.  He would never live to see it mature and if their final attempt to send Rose back to the Doctor failed, then it would fall to Rose to be her care giver, companion and hopefully pilot.

“We can’t just leave her here,” Rose pointed out.

“True. If she is still small enough, you might be able to carry her when you jump.  Even though she is growing and thus adapting to this universe, she originated over there and should be okay to return.”

Rose was silent for a moment.  She didn’t like the implications of “small enough.”  The TARDIS was growing.  When would she be too big for Rose to carry?  John seemed to be talking as if Rose was going away soon and that would mean that he… “Don’t talk like that,” she muttered.

John slid out from under the console.  “Rose we don’t have time for denial.  I’ve come to terms with this.  Let’s not waste what we have by pretending about what’s to come.”  That was a lesson he had learned quite harshly as a Time Lord.

Rose mutely held out her hands to him and he gladly took them, pulling her into an embrace.  “Sorry, I brought it up,” she mumbled into his shirt collar, “I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, no.  You’re right Rose.  We do need to talk about this.  I do a lot of thinking and sometimes I forget I haven’t shared my plans with you.  Bad old habit, I suppose.”  He gently kissed the top of her head.  “So this is what I have been thinking.  If you can, you must take her with you.  We can’t be leaving a stray TARDIS around: very dangerous, that.  Just imagine if she fell into the wrong hands. Just imagine if Jack figured out how to use her. Or, horrors, your mother!”

Rose giggled.

“But there is a problem,” he continued. “The TARDIS will grow in density exponentially faster than she will in size – bigger on the inside, and all that.  I don’t know how long it will be before you won’t be able to lift her.”

Rose leaned back far enough to look up into his face searching for the answers. “Okaaaay… How about some anti-grav pods or somethin’?”

John shook his head, “Wouldn’t stick in the Void.  Best case scenario you’d be separated and the poor TARDIS would be lost in the Void forever.  Worst case scenario you’d lose momentum and trajectory and you’d both be lost.”  He shuddered as he was reminded anew at the incredible risks Rose had already undertaken.  He hugged her tightly.  “That is NOT allowed to happen,” he vowed fiercely.  He glared at the machinery before them as if demanding that it not fail him.

“Agreed. So if…” she quickly blinked away tears. “If I jump soon enough, I will take her with me.”

“Yes.”

“But I’m not leaving you behind.  I’m not going back before…before…”  Even after all their talks, Martha’s reports and dire conclusions, Rose could not bring herself to utter the words.

“Rose,” John tried to move away, but Rose clung to him ferociously.

“I can’t!  I made a promise a long time ago that I’m never going to leave you.  I don’t care which Doctor you are or are not.  I’m keeping my promise.  I can give you your forever and that’s what I’m gonna do!”

John fought his own tears.  “Shhhh, love, hush.  I know.  I know, but I’m trying to be practical.”

“Well, just stop it, yeah?”

He chuckled bleakly.  “Yeah, okay.  I don’t really want you to go, you know that right?”

“I know.  This is just you being all noble and heroic and self-sacrificing.”

“Yup that’s me: the tragic hero.”

“Shut up.”  Rose pulled his willing lips down to hers and they communicated their love, fears and desperation.  Eventually the kiss ended and they smiled ruefully, forehead to forehead.

“There is another contingency plan we need to discuss,” John began.

Rose rolled her reddened eyes and huffed a sigh.  “I’m really regretting bringing this up.”

“Too late now.”

“Yeah, okay,” Rose resumed her seat and John snagged a second stool and dragged it close so they could sit knees touching and he could hold her hand in his lap.

“If it should happen that you can’t take the TARDIS with you, for whatever reason, it will have to be destroyed.”  Both of them emotionally recoiled at the thought.  It would be murder.

“Think about it, Rose.  She absolutely cannot fall into the wrong hands.  Without us here to protect her, she could be misused, abused or even dissected!  Best case scenario she is condemned to an eternity of loneliness.  A lonely TARDIS might latch onto the first telepathic being it encounters and who knows what disaster that might lead to!”

Rose slowly nodded, her shoulders slumped in resignation. 

John shared the scientific principles behind the method of execution, but Rose couldn’t grasp the words.  She was awash in sadness.  There was no good outcome for this.  Either she had more time with John and condemned the baby TARDIS or she lost John sooner and saved the TARDIS.  She didn’t know what to think, what to hope for.  There was no hope.  The universe was hard and malicious. 

With a determined mental shake, Rose thrust away the melancholy that could paralyze her and grabbed once more onto the golden thread within her core, the one that sang of love and light and timelessness.  _‘The Doctor loves me and I love the Doctor,’_ she reminded herself, _‘I can get back to my right timeline and that will fix this nightmare. I can do this. I will do this.’_

“…leave sealed instructions with Jack and Pete.  The computations are done and I’ll load everything onto an encrypted key.  If it is necessary, it will be automatic, quick and as painless as I can possibly make it.” John pushed trembling fingers through his messy hair.  “It’s the best we can do, Rose.”

Rose pushed a smile onto her face and reached out to caress his face.  He really was being very brave. “Then it’s good enough, yeah?  You’re brilliant and you’re good and I trust you.  Make your plans, Doctor.  I understand you need to do this.  I really do and I support you completely.  I love you.”

John lifted their clasped hands and kissed her knuckles, “And I love you, Rose Tyler.  Now, let’s set the macabre aside shall we?  I’m done here.  Fancy a stroll?  Maybe get an ice lolly?”

“Yes!” 

They hopped off their stools and left the room together, linked hands swinging between them.


	21. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: major character death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. If such things trigger you, you can skip this chapter without loosing any major plot points.

His face contorted with a spasm of pain.  The final neuron cascade had begun.  It felt like his brain was being cleaved in two, which was quite possible as implosions beneath his skull wrought deadly havoc.  He grabbed her arm in a vice like grip.  “Rose!”  Her name exploded from his lips.  “I need...”he gasped struggling to form the words.

“Doctor!” Rose had a flashback to their first Christmas after his regeneration.  “What is it?  Tea?  Do you need tea, Doctor?”

Tea?  What?  No, super heated tannins would not help him this time.  “I need – I need you to know.  Believe.  Whether I’ve said it or not, Rose Tyler I…” his eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed.  His weight pulled her down with him and she screamed as his head crashed on the floor with a sickening thud.

“No!  Doctor!  No!” Sobbing she cradled him in her lap.“Help!  Help me somebody!  Help!”

The nosy neighbor living below heard the crash and screams.  She called the police.  The police dispatch clerk received an alert when she keyed in the address and called Torchwood.  Fifteen minutes later the Doctor was whisked away, Rose clinging to his limp hand and continuing to call to him in frantic murmurs.

A fully prepped med team with Martha Jones at the helm sprang into action as soon as they arrived.  The Doctor had left detailed instructions for this eventuality and Martha made sure everything was in place.

Notified on his com, Jack was able to slip into the examining room and pry Rose away so that the technicians could do their work.  She steadfastly refused to leave the room, so he took up a sentinel stance at her side. They waited against the far wall as the other’s worked over the Doctor’s prone form.

Jackie and Pete arrived thirty minutes later and Jackie exchanged places with Jack.  Rose only had eyes for the gurney and its occupant.  She held herself rigid, attempting with sheer force of will to change the situation before her.  Her eyes burned hotly but she did not shed a tear.

Eventually, the med team stepped back and Martha looked over at Rose.  She stared at her solemnly and then slowly extended her hand.  Her full lips trembled and she furiously blinked back tears.  Rose sprang to the bed, “Martha?”

“He’s in a coma.  It’s just as he explained: the neural cascade has begun and there is no way to reverse it.  His brain is shutting down.  I don’t think he will ever wake up again.  I’m sorry.”

“What about life support?  You could do that, yeah?” Jackie spoke up coming to put a supportive arm about her daughter’s waist.

Rose bit back a sob. It was her turn to be strong for him. “No mum, he made us all promise – no extraordinary measures.”

“He would be a vegetable, Mrs. Tyler.” Martha explained gently.

“How long?” Rose asked forcing the question past her trembling lips.  He looked so pale and still.

Martha winced, “I’m not sure.  The damage is extensive already.  At this rate I would estimate no more than a day, maybe just a few hours.  I’m so, so sorry Rose.” 

Rose kissed the beloved hand she held, letting her lips linger against his skin.  “It’s not your fault, Martha.  It’s nobody’s fault.”  She tried to comfort Martha with a compassionate look, “You’re a fantastic doctor, Martha.  You did everything, please don’t feel guilty.  It just wasn’t meant to be.”  With that the dam on her emotions broke and she turned into her mother’s embrace to weep. 

Jackie murmured nonsense words of comfort over her daughter as she battled her own grief.  She hadn’t always liked the Doctor but over time, thanks in particular to this half human version, she had learned to love him.  He had been good for Rose and in the end that was all a mother could ask for.

Martha ducked out of the room and quietly informed the waiting men of the situation.  They hurried inside.  Pete enveloped his family, sharing their hugs and tears. Of those in the room he knew the Doctor the least and yet he owed him so much.

Jack stood at the foot of bed.  Silent tears fell from the stoic agent’s face.  He had grudgingly admired the Doctor through the stories Rose regaled in the years she was convincing him to help build the first dimension cannon.  He had envied him for his relationship with the beautiful and brave Rose Tyler – a woman he fell in love with himself.  He had admired him for all the wonderful characteristics Rose had attributed to him and he found himself falling partly in love with the Time Lord too.  When he learned that this “John Smith” was not the full Time Lord of myth and legend, his jealous affection for Rose had momentarily cheered.  However he quickly saw that whether he was full or part Time Lord he was still Rose’s love and that had made him briefly bitter.  Then during the last few months as they worked together on the new and improved dimension cannon, Jack had come to admire and respect John Smith for the man he was and not the Time Lord he wasn’t.  He genuinely regretted this day had come.  Not only did he hate to see Rose and her family going through this, he grieved for himself and his friend lying on the bed.

Jack brought a chair over for Rose.  “I’m not leaving him,” she stated, as if anyone would dare to suggest otherwise.

Pete took Jackie to get something to eat and she promised to bring Rose something.  “Sure mum.  Thank you.”

Jack lingered at the door, taking in the sight of the prone Doctor and the angel keeping vigil.

“Jack? We’ll talk later okay?”

“Sure Rose.  Anything you want.”

“You’re a good friend, Jack Harkness.”

“That’s me,” he stifled a sigh and walked away.

 

His friends and family gathered on the beach; all except Tony who was deemed too young for the occasion.  As was the custom of his people (and after intense negotiation with the Norwegian government) a funeral pyre was erected on the sands of Bad Wolf Bay.   No special words were shared as the occasion seemed too heavy for speeches.  Everyone had said their goodbyes and tributes the previous week to the comatose Doctor on the off chance that he could still perceive them.

To Rose fell the honour of inserting the torch.  As the tinder caught flame and the fire began to rise, the golden light reflected in her over-bright eyes.  _Goodbye my love.  I will find you again I promise,_ she vowed the shrouded figure.  As a way to cope with the horrendous situation, Rose had reasoned that the Doctor had actually left her that day on their apartment floor.  This was just a shell, a suit of skin and bone that was no longer required.

In dignified silence the small group watched the fire consume him.  An off shore breeze fed the flames and for a moment they leapt higher.  To a fanciful imagination it would appear that the Doctor was ascending to the skies.  He was returning to the stars.

Eventually the fire turned the pyre to ember and ash.  When the last of the flames had disappeared, Rose allowed her mum to turn her away from the smoking remains and lead her back to the waiting caravan of Torchwood vehicles.  As she was turning away Jack thought he caught a glimpse of the now extinguished flames still dancing in Rose’s eyes.  He blinked and shook his head slightly attributing it to a trick of light and his own emotional imagination.

He trailed after them across the sand and was passed by a somber faced Torchwood team heading towards the shore.  Because of the Doctor’s alien nature even his ashes could not be allowed to fall into the wrong hands.  As soon as the official mourners were out of sight, every trace of the Doctor and the funeral pyre would be meticulously collected and interred deep within the Torchwood vaults.

Conversation was muted and for the most part people just kept to themselves, lost in their own thoughts on the journey back.  Jackie watched Rose whose head was leaning back against the head rest, eyes closed.  She hoped she’d fallen asleep.  Heavens knows she’d had no proper rest since John’s collapse.  Her poor baby girl; she’d been through so much.  Motherly pride put a gentle smile on her lips as she watched Rose.  Her darling daughter was so strong.  She’d always been beautiful and clever, but loving the Doctor had forged an inner strength that erased the insecurity and self doubt that growing up fatherless and hooking up with Jimmy Stone had put upon her younger self.

In that moment, Jackie finally found the strength to truly let Rose go.  Her baby was a woman, a woman with her own amazing destiny.  “You have my blessing,” she said quietly with all her heart.

Rose stared bemused at her mum.  She hadn’t been sleeping at all, just retreating into her own thoughts.  Silently mum and daughter shared a moment of mutual love and acceptance.  “You have my blessing, love.  You go and find him.  As much as I’ll miss you, I’ll still be happy knowing you’re happy.”

Rose nodded slowly before leaning back again and closing her eyes.  Just before her eyes were shuttered by thick lashes Jackie thought she caught sight of a flash of gold.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I need – I need you to know. Believe. Whether I’ve said it or not, Rose Tyler I…” I had to put that cut off sentence in one last time. For those who need closure what John was going to say was "Rose Tyler I believe in you." His last thoughts were to encourage her to go on and find her Doctor.


	22. Insomnia II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Some days were better than others. Today was not one of them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will leave Rose to grieve during this chapter and cross the void to spend time with the Doctor.

Some days were better than others.  Today was not one of them.  Weary converse clad feet walked down the TARDIS corridor directly to her room.  He would never have allowed this indulgence, this trespass into her personal space, had he not declared his love for her.  Had remained the coward he always told himself he was, he probably would have had the TARDIS archive the entire room and hide it from him.  At best he would have brooded from the doorway. 

Yet because he had opened his heart and his big mouth something inside had shifted; he was not the man he was – he had found the courage to admit and embrace what he needed in spite of the fact that it was ripped from him. Changing his own time line – even in this small way – had been profoundly beneficial to him.  And the universes had not exploded.  Amazing.

Amongst her things he found solace.  He was careful not to leave any of his own things, and if he picked up a photo or a book, he always returned it to where she had set it.  He even cherished the messy pile of her clothes in the corner.  He forbade the TARDIS from laundering them in hopes to keep wisps of her scent with him as long as possible.  These tangibles soothed the ache and allowed him to nurture a sliver of hope.  He had absolutely no truth to base it on, but that stubborn optimistic nature of his would not let go the fantastical dream that he and Rose could be reunited… somehow… some when….  After all, the only thing he believed in was her.

He toed off his chucks and loosened his tie before sitting on the edge of her bed and having his one way conversation with Rose. “We did battle with the Vashta Nerada today.  Well… when I say battle you know I really mean a lot of running and talking and very little fighting.  Pretty hard to fight with the Vashta Nerada actually – they’re a swarm of shadows to look at them.  And you don’t want to look at them because then you’re pretty much dead.  Think of piranha only without the scales or fins or teeth.…  Still… it was a pretty good day when you think we were able to save all those people.  Well… I didn’t so much as save them, CAL the library’s computer had already saved them into her server, I just helped them regain corporeal form and get out of the Library.”  He sighed deeply and stared at his sock clad feet. 

“Donna’s off having a good blubber in her bubble bath I expect.  She’s all worked up over a bloke she met in a computer program where she apparently was living an alternate life.  Got married, even had two kids.  We looked and waited around, but I guess he was part of Doctor Moon’s programming not a real person in the end.  Sad that bit, I think Donna quite fancied him.  I mean, yes she must have liked him enough to marry him in a computer simulation, but still…I think she would have liked him in real life too. I’m sorry he wasn’t real, but then I would have had to put up with him, or lost Donna… so not too sorry really.  Selfish, I am.” 

“I think I’ll take her shopping or something after this.  She likes to shop – I think she’d give Jackie a run for her money that one.  But you’d like her, Rose.  You’d like Donna.  She has a good heart, like you do and she’s clever and funny and doesn’t let me get away with my truck.  She’s been good for me, a good friend when I’d just about given up on having friends around.”

The Doctor shifted on the bed, taking her jacket and slinging it shawl fashion around his shoulders.  He imagined it was her giving him a hug and he smiled.  He loved her hugs and after today he really needed one.  “There now, what do you think?  Blue looks good on me, don’t you think?  Maybe I’ll get a blue suit done up.  Something different… blue like your jacket.”  He leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes.  “I miss you, Rose.  I don’t ever stop missing you.  Today was particularly bad because I met someone who upset me; someone from my future who apparently knows me very well, whom I’d never seen before today.  Dr. River Song.  An archaeologist!  Imagine, me being friends with an archaeologist!  I must get senile in my old age…oh, not a pleasant thought that: a senile Time Lord.  Sounds rather dangerous actually.”

“I need to tell you about her because she bothers me.  Not just the archaeologist part, although that was annoying right away.  Dr. Song’s time line apparently runs opposite of mine.  As she gets older I get younger and vice versa.  Do you have any idea how disconcerting it is to have someone – a human even, at least I think she’s human, she was definitely quite humany… nope don’t like that word… er, humanesque.  Well, to have anyone know more about your future, more about yourself than you do makes them a bit smug and arrogant and…well…Rose she was lording it over a Time Lord, for goodness sake!”

“But that’s not the worst of it, not even by half.” The Doctor ruffled his messy hair in consternation.  “She knew my name, Rose.  My real name!  There is only one time I would speak it, only one way she could ever know it.”  He groaned aloud. “Sometime in my future I marry Dr. River Song in a proper hand-fasting ceremony.  That can only mean one thing: whatever sliver of hope I have been cherishing that you would come back to me is for nothing.  Oh Rose, my heart, you are the one I should give my name to.  Not her… not… an arrogant archaeologist!  I tried to question her but all she would say was “spoilers”, the infuriating woman!  Oh! Now that I think of it, my future self warned me that I’d learn to hate that word…he must have met her too.”

“Obviously there is much more to this, but she wouldn’t say.  She keeps a diary of all her dealings with me and I could have looked at it but in the end I couldn’t bring myself to.  Something in me stayed my hand.  Too much foreknowledge is a dangerous thing – even for a Time Lord, Rose.  I’m afraid to know what kind of man I become if I am able to let you go and marry a blasted archaeologist!”

The Doctor absently rubbed her jacket sleeve across his cheek.  “But I have to admire this River Song too.  Today she sacrificed herself for all of us.  The first day I met her turned out to be the day she died.  You see, the only way to access the computer mainframe and reboot the system so that Donna and the others could be released was to interface another brain.  I was all ready to do it myself.  I figured with my two hearts and superior mind I stood the best chance of surviving the electrical current.  Well, when I say survive...actually the odds were against me as well.  If I am honest…and I am trying to be honest with you Rose…I didn’t really care if I survived.  River Song was proof that you are forever lost to me.  I don’t like the look of that future and even though it would have created a massive paradox, I truly didn’t care.  But River did, most violently too.”

The Doctor swung up off the bed and began to roam the room.  “When I came to, I was handcuffed to a pipe and River had strapped herself into the interface chair.  I begged her to stop – I knew it would kill her – but she wouldn’t listen.  I do believe she loved me, Rose.  With tears in her eyes she demanded I not to change one line of her life, not one bit of the time she will spend with me someday.  She told me of our last meeting at the Singing Towers of Darillium and how I had cried and wouldn’t say why.  In the future I’d given her my screwdriver and there she was using it to make the last second adjustments to her doom.  I wish I could say I stopped her, but I didn’t Rose.  I didn’t stop her. I really truly could not stop her.” The Doctor paused and allowed himself a grudging admiration for her bravery.

“Of course I am very clever and my future self had programmed my sonic – the one she used – to actually save her consciousness.  I figured it out in time to rush the sonic screwdriver to the Library’s main port and upload River completely into the mainframe.  Her body died but her consciousness lives on and is probably reunited with the rest of her doomed expedition, those that perished before we’d solved the mystery.” 

“Unfortunately because of the Vashta Nerada infestation the whole Library is permanently quarantined.  There is no way to retrieve River or contact her.  She is out of my life until she reappears sometime in my future and we start all over again.  I do believe we just took wibbly wobbly timey wimey to a whole new level.”

The Doctor slid Rose’s jacket off his shoulders and folded it neatly on the bed.  He stared down at it thoughtfully. “By River’s reaction to meeting me today, I’d say that she had never seen me before with this face.  It’s safe to say I won’t have to deal with her again in this regeneration and I’m grateful for that at least.  This face was created for you, my heart.  I can’t imagine sharing it with anyone else.”

He shoved his hands in his trouser pockets and stared around Rose’s room. “I can’t accept that you cannot come back to me.  Call me the incurable optimist if you will but I know time can be rewritten – I’ve done it myself a time or two.  Just because River said it happened, doesn’t mean it has to, doesn’t automatically make it a fixed point.  Oh, but it’s impossible for her to learn my name any other way than….  And yet, I know that impossible doesn’t mean what I used to think it meant. You taught me that Rose, you and your wonderful heart and beautiful life.  I can’t let you go, my love.  I won’t let you go.  River or no River, I will not give up this hope.”

“Oh, and one more thing – did you know I can open the TARDIS doors just by snapping my fingers?  Pretty impressive, me.   Wish you were here to see it…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should have experienced some deja vu with this chapter. I wanted to remind us that we are dealing with not only parallel words but alternate realities. It was fun to take the same scene and find ways to adjust it to reflect the differences.


	23. Bad Wolf Calling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was no longer a whisper this was a shout, a blood curdling scream. What had that man back in Pompeii said? She was coming.

Rose stood before the door to the dimensional cannon room.  She hadn’t been up here since the funeral.  Now all arrangements had been made and in less than ten hours she would make her final jump. There would be no recall or reset safety.  She was leaving and whatever awaited her would be her future.  She had spent the last few days at the mansion with her family.  Saying goodbyes, making memories...it had been far harder than she anticipated but she was resolute.  John had spent his short life making this happen for her; she could not throw away his final gift.

“Third time’s the charm, hey Rosie?” She spun around.  This was the first time Jack had called her Rosie.

He saw the surprise on her face and grinned disarmingly.  “Yeah, John told me that was my pet name for you – over there.  Thought since I was only ever going to be the big brother, I might as well pick up the habit.”

“Oh Jack!  You are the best big brother a girl could ever have!  What do you mean by the third time?  I must have jumped nearly a hundred times.”

“108 to be exact, but hey who’s counting?  By third I mean finding the Doctor who didn’t say he loved you, then the biological metacrisis Doctor and now… the one who, thanks to his own time meddling, had the guts to say how he really felt.”  Jack ticked them off on his fingers as he spoke.

Rose smiled.  Hope golden and bright flared once more within her.  She’d been burdened with grief over John for so long that she had almost lost sight of her end goal.  Jack was good for her.  “Thanks for reminding me,” she said softly.

Jack opened his arms and pulled her close.  “Of course.  Anytime, Rosie, anytime.  Look, we got almost eight hours.  How about a visit to Brandigans?  The team’s all going to be there and I know they want to say their goodbyes.  I’d love to do one last duet and maybe I can get you tipsy enough to forget this whole crazy adventure and run away with me.  What do say?”

Rose laughed, “I say yes – to everything but that last bit!  Honestly Jack, don’t you ever give up?”

“Where would be the fun in that?” he protested, blue eyes twinkling.

“Well before the night’s over I’m going to try and hook you up with Donna.  You definitely need somebody and it’s not going to be me.”

“Donna?  The receptionist?  At bit too stiff for my usual tastes.”

“I know she comes off a bit like that, but there’s more to her than rules and procedures.  John told me all about her – the other Donna who traveled with him – and I think you’d be perfect together.   You’re just her type, even if she doesn’t know it yet.  Come on Jack, you can’t think she’d ever be immune to your infamous Harkness charm!”

“Well, you are.”

“I’m a special case.”

“No argument there.”  Jack shrugged good naturedly. “Yeah sure, why not?  Let’s bring her along.”

Rose threaded her arm through his and patted his sleeved conspiratorially.  “Look at it as my parting gift to you.”

 

The Doctor was intrigued by Donna’s tale.  Twice now she’d lived an alternate life: once in the Library’s mainframe and now another thanks to one of the Trickster’s brigade.  Time seemed to bend around Donna, accommodating her in a manner most unusual.  He knew he only picked the best for his companions, but this seemed special even by his high standards.

“Donna, this woman you met, did she tell you her name?”

“No just that the stars were going out.”

“What did she look like?”

“Blonde.”

A tingle, soft as a whisper, began to tickle the nape of his neck.  “Anything else?  Did she tell you anything else at all?”

“No… wait…” for a moment her eyes lost focus as if she was remembering something. 

“What, Donna, what did she say?”

“When I was dying, she came to me and said two words: bad wolf.”

The tingling shot straight down his spine and he leapt to his feet.  _Bad Wolf!_   That could mean just one thing!  He ran out of the fortune teller’s booth.  Sure enough every sign, every surface with writing now said “Bad Wolf.”  Even the TARDIS’s Police Call Box signs proclaimed it.  This was no longer a whisper this was a shout, a blood curdling scream.  What had that man back in Pompeii said?  _She was coming_.

“Doctor, what it is?  What does it mean?”

“The end of the world!” He ran for the TARDIS.

Donna ran after him.  She was getting much better at this running bit but she still couldn’t match his long legged lope.  He was through the doors well before her.

“Doctor!” she gasped, “What do you mean?  How is _bad wolf_ the end of the world?”

“It means Rose is coming back and for that to happen the walls between the universes have begun to collapse.  We’ll unravel like a cheap sweater or we could just disappear in a ball of fire… either way: GONE!”  He was frantically working the TARDIS controls, intent on following the signal that was writing Bad Wolf all over his universe.  He had to find her.

Donna came around the console to stand next to him. “Still, Rose is coming back… that’s good, yeah?”

The Doctor paused allowing himself to bask in that singular glorious impossibility.  If indeed this was the end of everything, having Rose at his side was the absolute perfect ending.  He smiled into his friend’s compassionate eyes.  Donna: the last of the romantics.  “Yeah,” he managed around the lump in his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter than usual, but we're building the suspense. I don't know about you but when I first saw this little scene with Donna and the Doctor I got chills. I wonder if everyone could see the words or if it was a message going straight into the Doctor's brain. I prefer to think of it as a private message coming through loud and clear.


	24. Deja Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose has learned a basic Time Lord rule: stick to events as they happened in history. Until you want to make a change. Then be bold, be swift and don't miss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are back at Journey's End - or are we?

Rose was working through a major case of déjà vu.  If it wasn’t for her strong faith in John and Jack to redesign and calibrate the dimensional cannon correctly, she would have despaired of arriving at her true destination at last.  So far she’d materialized at what appeared to be the exact same street with familiar crowds panicking around her.  When the building exploded behind her she didn’t even blink.  She had rehearsed this series of events over and over until they were little more than a check list in her mind.  She knew exactly where she would deviate from her past path.  Until then she was hyper vigilant to spot any discrepancies that could foil her plan.

She carefully schooled her features as she destroyed the Dalek threatening Donna’s family.  This version of them didn’t know her so she kept her affection carefully tucked away inside.  They really were such dears – especially Wilf.  She harboured a hope that they’d welcome her in someday.  If things happened as planned, she was going to lose her own family all over again.  She was reconciled to that pain but also knew some human family relationships would be keenly welcome.  In Pete’s World, Donna and she had become friends, particularly after John’s death.  It has been a short while, but Rose had embraced it wholeheartedly.

It was even harder to keep her emotions in check as she saw all her dear friends on Harriet’s sub-wave network transmission.  Briefly she had considered bringing a web cam with her on this jump, but John had been emphatic in stopping her.  He’d explained that the less she altered events the more control she had over the outcome when she finally made her move.  This was basic Time Lord training and in the end she had bowed to his wisdom over her own heart’s cry.

Impatiently she telephoned the Doctor along with everyone else on the planet.  They’d considered her skipping that call, but again chose to follow along.  Perhaps missing her contribution would be just enough to weaken the signal and not get through.  She had to use those precious seconds doing her bit, but as soon as the call was sent Rose took off. 

Unlike her first time, there was no more contact with Pete’s World and the control room.  John had explained that the extra energy to cross not only the Void but now her own timeline and possible fixed points would almost certainly destroy the cannon.  In fact, she had made Jack all but swear a blood oath that as soon as her jump was initiated he and everyone else would evacuate Torchwood.  John had calculated that the resulting explosion would destroy the chamber if not the entire upper level of Torchwood Tower.  Nothing would be left of the cannon or the technology that made it possible.  Every precaution had been made but this was certainly a last ditch effort for Rose.  She would never know if he’d been right, but she liked to think that all their plans had kept everyone safe. 

Now she ran.  She knew where the Doctor would be, where they’d meet and without the help of a small dimensional jump she’d have to leg it on her own.

Actually the street was closer to the Noble home than Rose had ever realized.  Evidently the TARDIS had been drawn to her phone signal after all.  If she’d waited at the house, would he have materialized right there in their living room?  Wouldn’t Silvia have had a fright!  Ruthlessly she shoved the wondering aside.  There was no time for that game.  It was all happening right now and she would only have one chance.

As she crested the hill she could see them: the TARDIS, the Doctor and Donna.  His back was to her and yet even from a few blocks away she imagined she could see the tension in his lanky frame.  There would be that cute little furrow between his brows and his eyes would have twin flames of burning curiosity as he struggled to understand what was happening.  He knew she was coming – Bad Wolf had ensured that – but he couldn’t find her.  Her absence from the sub-wave network display had been gut wrenching.  John confessed as much when they had reviewed this day in detail and made their careful plans.  Rose longed to call out to him, but stealth was still important and thanks to her pounding heart and the lump in her throat she could barely breathe let alone call out.

Besides, she still had a critical job to do…focus Rose, focus.

A part of her seemed to detach itself from her body and she could suddenly see them as so many players on a game board or actors on a stage.  There was her love and his best friend.  There was the gap in the derelict cars and debris.  There was the Dalek patrol unit.  In slow motion she watched Donna look at her over his shoulder and speak.  She saw her nod in her direction and saw him slowly turn around.  As his questing eyes collided with hers she felt herself rush back into her body and she began to run.

He ran towards her, his beloved face splitting into a trademark manic grin.

She loved how his long limbs ate up the distance so easily, but she had to be faster this time.  She had to close the distance that little bit sooner for this to work out.  Rose lengthened her stride with a strong surge of adrenaline, swinging her gun into her hands.

The Doctor saw the large gun for the first time and his stride faltered.  Why would his Rose have a gun, a blaster nearly as big as herself?  What was happening?

In a practiced, fluid motion Rose swung the barrel to his right and fired.  He looked in time to see a Dalek explode even as its gun was swinging towards him.  He looked back just in time to catch the blond missile targeting his chest. Rose tossed the gun aside before she reached out to him.  Automatically his arms closed around her and her momentum sent them spinning around in the street.  Laughing and crying they clung to each other.

“Rose,” he moaned into her hair.  He couldn’t believe she was here.  Bad Wolf had tried to prepare him, but he’d barely dared to hope.

“Doctor!” she gasped, “I’m here.”  She knew she was stating the obvious, saying those same stupid words she’d said before but she couldn’t help it.  She’d saved him and set in motion The Plan, the one that would at last set things right for her.  Carefully Rose looked up into his face.  She tried to tell if he was the right Doctor – if they’d indeed got it all sorted and she was at last in the right reality.

“Yes, yes you are,” he murmured with wonder.  He gently cradled her face with trembling hands and slowly dipped his head until he could press his searching lips to hers.

What began as a tentative first kiss quickly developed into the passionate kiss of two lovers reunited.  Rose returned his kiss eagerly using her arms to pull him closer, using her lips to caress and invite.  His hands left her face to grab at her shoulders and then to wrap around her back in a crushing embrace.  His tongue begged entrance and Rose gladly gave it.

Neither of them took notice of Donna’s indulgent smile as she unashamedly looked on.  Nor did they see a battle-ready Captain Jack materialize near the smoking Dalek remains.  “I cannot believe I’m the one to say this,” Jack began with a lecherous grin, “but break it up you two!  There’ll be more Daleks here any second.”

With giddy laughter Rose and the Doctor ended their kiss and all four quickly retreated into the TARDIS.  Rose couldn’t stop grinning as she hugged first Jack and then Donna before returning to the Doctor’s side, sliding in under his arm and wrapping her arm about his waist.  She spied the hand in its stasis container next to the console.  _Sorry my love,_ she thought.  By saving the Doctor she had canceled out the whole biological meta-crisis situation: her darling John and the Doctor Donna would never transpire. _I loved you and I’ll never forget you even though you will never exist._   For a brief moment Rose thought she saw a faint glow of gold around the detached hand.

“Doctor, Jack, Donna, there are some things you need to know right now.  I’ve time travelled and I have vital information.”

“Rose, you haven’t –“the Doctor protested.

Rose cut him off with a finger to his pouty lips.  Jack would have guffawed at the ease which Rose silenced the loquacious alien if not for Donna’s stern stare.  She seemed to sense the importance behind the announcement; she’d learned to greatly respect Rose in her adventure with her in that alternate reality.

“Shhhhh,” Rose admonished, “It’s okay.  You helped me plan this Doctor – well, I mean an alternate you helped me, but still you nonetheless – so you already know it’s going to be a brilliant plan.  Trust yourself, if you can’t trust me, okay? We don’t have much time.” 

The Doctor’s eyebrows vanished beneath his fringe but he nodded cautiously.  Rose had said an alternate him, not a different regeneration; that implied either crossing through a multi-verse or crossing over her own timeline.  Either way screamed of great danger.  Rose had an air of danger about her now.  It wasn’t just the gigantic gun she had used with disturbing good skill. He sensed that she had seen things and done things that he would probably have wished she hadn’t.

As economically as possible, Rose told them about Davros and his plans.  She told them about how things had happened in the alternate reality – how the Doctor had been shot (the Doctor silently forgave Rose for carrying and using the gun) and how that injury had resulted in the biological metacrisis Doctor and how he and the enhanced Doctor Donna had saved the TARDIS.  She then went on to explain how they could still defeat Davros without the help of an extra Doctor or Donna’s enhanced mental powers.  Rose emphasized how important it was that as much of what had transpired before needed to happen this time as well if they were to keep control of the outcome.

The Doctor and Jack were well versed in the machinations of time travel and altering timelines.  They wasted no time arguing with Rose’s story, assertions or proposals.  Donna’s agreement after only a couple clarifying questions was a testament to her natural brilliance.  Both Rose and the Doctor smiled proudly at her.  Captain Jack studied her considering.  If he wasn’t in a relationship already, Ms. Noble could certainly capture his attention.

 


	25. How To Succeed Without John and the Doctor Donna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and his Children of Time square off against Davros without the help of Doctor Donna and John.

Just as Rose predicted, the Dalek patrol captured the TARDIS and transported it to the Crucible, but not before the Doctor had time to program the TARDIS and show Donna what she’d need to do.

The TARDIS’s preprogrammed dematerialization was timed perfectly to simulate its destruction in the Crucible’s core.  The Doctor didn’t have to act very hard to show mental and emotional distress.  Even though Rose had explained events, living through them was still hard.

Seeing Jack executed, even though she knew all about his immortality, was still very upsetting and she welcomed the Doctor’s comforting embrace.  She also didn’t like it any better the second time around as Davros forced them to separate and stand in individual holding cells.  Confined to being little more than a spectator, she quickly prayed Donna and Jack would be able to do all they’d planned. 

No plan was fool proof and no one knew this better than the Doctor.  Rose had already altered her time line and wild new possibilities were in play.  So much could go pear shaped at any moment that his apparent stress and distress were quite real.  His only solace was his belief in Bad Wolf and Rose.  Impossible was a word whose meaning was definitely changing for him.  In fact, it was a word he was beginning to embrace – especially when it came to his brilliant and beautiful Rose.  He stared at her, tall and brave under Dalek scrutiny.  He wondered at all it had cost her to accomplish this and his heart swelled with pride even as it ached for her suffering.  His empty hand twitched.  Being so close to her and yet too far was arguably the most difficult part of their situation.

Right on schedule the faces of his friends appeared on the screen:  Jack, Sarah Jane, Mickey and Jackie, then Martha.  All were so brave, so valiant, so determined to battle his enemies.  He mourned their innocence even as he cheered their spirit.  Davros’ taunts were not far off the mark.  His “Children of Time” were at least in part who they were because of him.  Not for the first time did he regret the price his life and calling exacted upon so many.

Then his friends were teleported to Davro’s vault.  Jack used his vortex manipulator to jump out a millisecond ahead and the ensuing shouting and general confusion distracted their captors sufficiently for them to overlook his absence.  Davros was too preoccupied with gloating over the Doctor to notice this flaw in his devious plan.

Captain Jack materialized onto the TARDIS and immediately sprang into action.  Everything had to function with military precision.  “Ready?” he called to Donna as he pulled the lever, sending the ship onto its preprogrammed course.  “Here goes nothing!”

Just as Davros gleefully ordered the powering up of the reality bomb amid the Doctor’s shouts and pleas for him to stop, the TARDIS materialized around the auxiliary programming station in the vault.  As soon as the keyboard was solid matter, Donna’s fingers flew.  She would only have a few minutes before the Daleks would be able to breach the TARDIS defenses.  Assuming they didn’t stop to execute the prisoners first.

Rose had carefully committed to memory everything John had recalled that Doctor Donna had thought to do.  Word for word she repeated it to this Doctor and she allowed herself a thrill of glee when he had suddenly grasped what had transpired.  “Oh!  Oh! But that’s… that brilliant!” he’d exclaimed before hugging a confused Donna and planting a loud wet kiss on her forehead.

“Oi!” she’d protested, “Save that for Rose, spaceman.”

Quickly the Doctor had explained to Donna exactly what she needed to do.  Without the extra boost of a Time Lord mind, Donna couldn’t understand half of what he was babbling.  Finally with a frustrated ruffling of his hair, the Doctor sighed and then offered, “Tell you what – I’ll just take a mo and dictate it and then you just transcribe.”

Donna grinned, “Now that I can do!  100 words a minute me, best typist in Chiswick!”

So as the TARDIS replayed the dictation for Donna, Jack hefted his blaster, ready to lay down cover fire as soon as it was needed.  He typed a command on the TARDIS console to bring up a display of the room outside to monitor events.

“Done!” called Donna.

“Excellent!” replied Jack.  Sure enough the reality bomb went offline throwing the Daleks into a panic.  Donna swiftly keyed in another set of commands to disarm them before they could retaliate and to interfere with their motor control.  “Yes!” crowed Jack as he watched the terrifying soldiers rendered helpless. 

As soon as the holding cells were disconnected, Rose ran to her mum and friends while the Doctor confronted Davros.  The Doctor stared at his raging enemy with a mixture of revulsion and pity.  “It’s over, Davros.  But the accumulated energy from your machine has to go somewhere.  I’m afraid the Crucible is doomed.  Come with us, I can save you.”

“Never Doctor!” he cackled.  “We are not done – you and I – we will have another day.  I will have my revenge for what you have done!”

“Davros!  Listen to me, I can save you!”

“No you can’t Doctor.  You can no more save me than you can save yourself.  We are alike, you and I: the maker of monsters, the destroyer of worlds.”

“Doctor!” Jack called over the Dalek screams and explosions, “We’ve sent back all the planets but one.  It’s time to go.”

“Rose, get everyone on board,” the Doctor called to her.  The Doctor extended a hand to Davros as the Crucible lurched drunkenly.  “Davros!”

“No!” the evil genius screamed out his rage.  “I deny you this salve for your conscience.  I will not come with you.  I will stay with my creation.  I do not run away from what I make, Doctor.  Can you say the same, I think not.  You are a coward of the lowest form, Time Lord.  I shame you!” a large portion of the ceiling crashed down effectively separating them.  He thought he could see Davros’ coat catch on fire.

“Doctor, we’ve got to go!” Jack called again, effectively pulling the Doctor out of his reverie.  At the TARDIS door he paused to look back at his nemesis one last time.  “You’re wrong Davros.  I’m not running from what I’ve made – not anymore.”  He didn’t know if Davros could hear him over all the noise or even if his crazed mind could understand the words, but he was well aware that those inside the TARDIS had heard him clearly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing action is more difficult than introspection for me - probably a reflection of my more sedentary life. I hope I captured enough that you can follow along and that my solution is plausible. Sometimes foreknowledge is a good thing after all.


	26. As It Should Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor’s TARDIS and the Doctor’s hearts were full. It was a rare and precious moment and the Doctor was immensely grateful.

_“You’re wrong Davros.  I’m not running from what I’ve made – not anymore.”  He didn’t know if Davros could hear him over all the noise or even if his crazed mind could understand the words, but he was well aware that those inside the TARDIS had heard him clearly._

Still first things first; he shut the door and strode up the gangway.  “Okay now, let’s fly this the way it was always intended.”  He assigned each of them to one of the seven stations around the console and a couple of tasks with the instruments in front of them.  He made sure that Rose stood next to him.  After escaping the crumbling Crucible, the Doctor had them create a gravitational lasso around Earth and begin to tow it home.  With all hands on deck the procedures were effortless, almost graceful.

“Doctor,” Rose pointed to the monitor screen.  The TARDIS showed them the Crucible exploding and a chain reaction similar destruction was sweeping through the Dalek fleet.  It was impossible to tell if any managed to escape the cataclysm, but it was obvious that those who remained were destroyed.  “It still happened,” she whispered in awe.

The Doctor nodded.  “Some might have got away, I’m sure we’ll learn of them if they have.  Still, Davros’ empire is no more; that’s a good thing, Rose.”

As a team they towed Earth all the way from the Medusa Cascade, there was plenty of smiling and joking and even singing once Jack started humming a catchy tune.  After so much silence and emptiness, the Doctor’s TARDIS and the Doctor’s hearts were full.  It was a rare and precious moment and the Doctor was immensely grateful. 

Sarah Jane was the first to say she wanted to go home.  She needed to check on her son Luke, she explained.  “He’s only fourteen.  I mustn’t leave him on his own for too long.”  As much as it was lovely to be on an adventure with the Doctor once again, Sarah Jane had other obligations now that drew her back.  From the looks on the other’s faces, Jack and Martha both had similar feelings while Mickey and even Jackie were more stoic in their expression.  Rose and Donna just kept smiling as if they’d won the lottery.

As the Doctor set the proper coordinates, circling around the console touching knobs and dials, he addressed the circle of friendly faces.  “I meant what I said back there.  I made you – all of you – into my companions, and your lives are very different for having known me." He clapped Mickey on the back.  "In the past I would have apologized for imposing myself upon you, but I’ve changed.  I can’t say I’m sorry for what I’ve done.” His hand brushed Martha’s shoulder.  “You’re the closest thing I have now to family.  I used to think I didn’t want that kind of connection anymore – not after the Time War – so I’d run away from you lot.” He hip checked Jack in passing.  “But not anymore,” without looking his hand found Rose’s and he drew her to his side, “I love you all.”

Rose couldn’t stifle her sob of relief.  There it was – the declaration of love which the other Time Lord could never afford to say.  The Plan had succeeded.  The Doctor smiled down at her through his own misty gaze, “And it goes without saying, although with my gob how can I possibly resist: Rose Tyler, I love you most of all.”

The room erupted in applause and everyone began hugging everyone else.  They all had a happy ending they could celebrate.

Jackie drew Rose away from the Doctor’s side and whispered into her ear, “I know you’re staying with him sweetheart and I’m happy for you.  Now that this is fixed I’m going back to Pete and Tony – that’s my life now. But I saw what you went through over there.  I saw how it was and I although I’m breaking my own heart, I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks mum,” Rose murmured returning her tight hug. This was her mum before she had met John and learned to love the Doctor better; giving her blessing now was particularly generous and beautiful. “It’s important to me that you’re okay with this.  Give my love to Tony and Pete.” 

Sarah Jane was the next to embrace her and she kissed Rose on the cheek.  “I was right, wasn’t I?  Some things are worth getting your heart broken for.  I am so happy he found you again.”

“We’ll stay in touch, yeah?” Rose offered.  She admired this former companion and knew there was a wealth of wisdom there as well as a sympathetic ear.

“I’d like that.” Sarah Jane nodded.  “Make him drop around.  I’d love him to meet Luke, and there’s always K-9.”

Rose and Martha shared an awkward hug.  Martha was still in awe over the fabled Rose Tyler and Rose was trying to remember this was not her medical friend who had saved her life and helped John in his passing.  That was one story she would never know she’d been a part of.

Jack swept her up in a bear hug and kissed her enthusiastically.  “I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time,” he winked as he set her feet back down on the ground.  “I figured I better get in my kicks before the Time Lord kicks me out of here.” 

Rose gave him a friendly punch in the shoulder, “Oh Jack, you know you’re always welcome onboard the TARDIS as long as I’m here.  Friends forever, that’s us.”

“Speaking of friends…” Mickey stepped in and pulled her close.  “I’m happy for you, Rose.  You deserve this more than anybody.  Jackie and I talked it over and I’m not going back. Gran is gone.  I can make a fresh start here.  Maybe I’ll check out this world’s Torchwood or even UNIT if Martha would have me around.”

Rose hugged his neck, “I love you Mickey.  You’ve been the best friend in two whole worlds to me.  Go.  Get some happiness for yourself.”

Donna grabbed Rose next to last.  “He loves you to bits, that crazy spaceman.  Don’t let him forget that, eh?  You and he need to be together or I swear this whole universe is going to fall apart around our ears!  He’s pretty hard to live with otherwise.”

“Oi!” whined the Doctor from over her shoulder.  “I’m not that bad, surely?”

Donna hooted and rolled her eyes, “Don’t get me started!  And don’t forget me you two, either.  I wouldn’t mind a bit more traveling – after you’ve had some time alone that is.”

“Absolutely!” declared the Doctor finally managing to settle his own hands on Rose’s shoulders and press her gently back against his chest.  He found it hard to share her with anyone – even these who he now deemed family.  In his hearts Rose had never left, but his greedy senses seemed to require constant input to reassure them of her actual corporeal presence and he was very happy to satisfy their desires. Automatically his fingers caressed her deltoids registering tough toned muscle beneath the leather.

His scientific mind wanted to know how the dimension cannon defied his definition of impossible and how long it had taken to get the calibrations just right.  He wanted to know what Pete’s World had done to Rose to make her leaner and tougher and battle hardened.  He wanted to know why she had learned to use a gun (his ego said it was to save him the complications of being shot by the Dalek, but his pragmatic mind was confident there was much more to that story). He wanted to know how long it had been for her because while she had matured in some ways she hadn’t aged in others.  He wanted…. Oh, he just wanted _her_.   “I’m sure the TARDIS will pop us by in no time,” he assured Donna.

“Yes,” agreed Rose.  “Say hi to your mum and granddad for me.  They were so helpful.  I’d like to meet them again.”

Eventually all the champion companions were returned to their rightful places and for the first time in a very long time the Doctor and Rose were alone in the TARDIS.  He set the TARDIS to drift in the vortex and led her over to the jump seat.  For awhile they sat in companionable silence watching the time rotor rise and fall, his arm draped possessively across her shoulders and their heads leaning together.   The rise and fall motion seemed a good imitation of the ups and downs their day and their relationship had endured.

“How long are you going to stay with me?” he asked softly.

“Forever,” she replied firmly.  She had yet to tell him about Bad Wolf Syndrome.  Forever could mean a lot more now.

“I love you,” he squeezed her shoulders.

“I love you more.”

“Impossible.” His voice held wonder and tenderness. 

“Yeah, I’m pretty good at that too you know,” she smirked, giving him a soft poke. “You said _you_ couldn’t come through properly but you never said _I_ couldn’t.”

“I thought that was implied.”

“Nope, never got that,” she quipped.  “It doesn’t pay to be ambiguous.”

“Oh, on the contrary!  My ambiguity propped open the door of possibility which you, Rose Tyler, have marched through most magnificently.”  His free hand swept the air in a grand arc.

“I have, haven’t I?  Pretty impressive me.”  He heard the grin in her voice as she mimicked his previous self.

“Most impressive, Dame Rose,” he agreed.  He could feel the tension of past danger roll off him as they slid into their good natured banter.  Donna was always a good one to verbally spar with, but this... this!  This was what fed his soul.  As one form of tension fled he could feel a very exciting and new tension coiling within – one that had nothing to do with anyone but the woman next to him.

Rose hopped down to face him, “Why thank you, Sir Doctor.”  She mocked a curtsey before the Time Lord, “I shall accept all accolades.”  She poked the tip of her tongue out the corner of her mouth flirtatiously, a signature gesture she had nearly forgotten.  She felt years younger, as if all the burden of her time in Pete’s World had lifted away.  It had certainly been the long way around but she was at last back home in her TARDIS with her Doctor.

The Doctor slowly stood, his brown eyes warm yet serious, “And what else will you accept from me?”  Long ago he had offered her all of time and space; it was time to offer himself.

Rose confidently stepped into his embrace. “Whatever you want to give me, Doctor.”

He started with a thoroughly satisfying kiss.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go!


	27. The Long Way Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final wibbly wobbly timey wimey loop is closed.

 

He managed to return Amy before the credits rolled on _It’s A Wonderful Life_ and dematerialize safely into the time vortex before it happened.

Warning tingles had alerted him minutes before and now he could sense the oncoming tsunami of all time shifts.  This was his fault, his brilliant idea to cross his own time line and change his own actions.  As the TARDIS shivered and caused him to lurch drunkenly sideways, it struck him as very odd that all the time he had been on that particular mission she had never once balked or flashed a mauve screen at him.  He had committed a cardinal sin and she’d done absolutely nothing to stop him. Oh she could be such a rebel when it suited her!  Had there been any other Time Lords left around, he would have been summarily forced to expend all his regenerations as punishment for such a romantic flouting of the rules but the TARDIS had been a most willing accomplice to the deed.

All he’d wanted to do was ease the Great Regret.  With that gone, he’d hoped to have the comforting assurance that Rose at least knew of his love.  They had still been separated.  She had still been trapped. She had still been forced to jump the void.  The miraculous creation of the biological meta-crisis had seemed a fitting reward for all that.  He’d been able to not only speak of his love, but he’d been able to give her his love in a way that was compatible with her human life span.  Nothing less would have been good enough for his Rose.

He still missed her himself of course.  Yet that cold ache, that personal expression of the void, had seemed bitterly appropriate.  After all, he didn’t deserve happiness or love.  He knew what he was and what he had done and he fatalistically accepted the universe’s choice of punishments.  He’d gone on, always moving forward, carrying his golden treasure tucked deep inside.

But apparently he was getting more than he’d bargained for; time had caught up with him at last.  Realities crashed together in his head and drowned his consciousness.  The Doctor’s eyes rolled back and he toppled over onto the floor.

New memories, wonderful memories, delightful memories were pushing in and overwriting his neural pathways.  For a protracted moment The Doctor felt suspended between two realities, aware of two paths taken, and in that tension he felt blossoming joy, hope and profound gratitude.  _Don’t let me lose this awareness,_ he thought desperately.  _Let me always remember to be grateful, please..._

“Well.  If you needed to take a nap, you could have just come to bed.”

Cautiously he opened one eye to peer up at the smiling face of... his wife. 

“Rose.”

She helped him sit up and watched curiously the gradual fading of the old ghosts of sadness which had sometimes flitted across his face and always resided in his deep-set green eyes.  She’d been waiting for this moment: the closing of the final time loop.  Because she had walked all these corridors of time, she alone knew everything what had transpired, all the parallel and splinter worlds which had existed in going the long way around.  As all things realigned and the ripples moved forward, other people forgot the old histories but Rose remembered.  She remembered it all and accepted it as her custodial charge.  A golden wave of healing washed over her and passed between them.

He raised a hand and gently traced the curve of her face.  “Blimey.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re beautiful!” he blurted and then grinned with a waggle of his eyebrows, “And we’re married!”

Rose giggled and rolled her eyes.  This incarnation had a wider childish streak than either of the previous two.  “Yes.  Yes we are.  Are you just remembering this?  Did you crack your head or something?”

The Doctor shook his head, “Not exactly.  I just...  Rose, I am the most fortunate man in all of creation.  You... me... us....” He swallowed hard. “I love you.”

“Quite right too,” she whispered and hooked a practiced finger under his bow tie.  She pulled him forward as she leaned in and kissed him. 

He threaded eager hands into her soft hair and held her as he kissed her back.

His bow tie was undone and so were the top three buttons on his shirt by the time his kisses had trailed across her jaw and down the side of her neck to nuzzle aside her dressing gown.  She was fresh from the shower and naked underneath the silk.

“Hmmmmm,” she purred appreciatively.  “Do you think you’d like to come to bed now, my love?”

“Eventually.”  He pushed her down onto the deck and rolled over so she was beneath him.  He liked the way her soft curves cradled his angular body. It was always a source of amazement: how regardless of the regeneration their bodies always fit perfectly together.

He stared down into her tawny eyes looking for... yes there it was... a hint of gold flame.  And then he knew.  He knew in the core of his being – in the part that never changed no matter how many regenerations he underwent – in the part of him that had been touched and named by the Untempered Schism – he knew that she was for him.  In all ways and always.

Rose nodded slowly, pinned by the weight of her lover against the deck, watching and waiting for him to arrive at the truth.  She knew the very moment it happened as deep within her the gold flame flared and welded together two souls.

Once upon a time she had held all of time and space within her.  Her deepest desires, her purest motives, her darkest fears had been laid bare before the vast universe.  And as it so often is with things of great cosmic size and beauty it took some time, but eventually the universe...smiled.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it my lovely readers. Thank you for coming on the journey with me and feeding me encouragement along the way. I hope in this chapter (reads like an epilogue) I succeeded in bringing us full way around. It was a challenge to write because everything happens internally and I needed to do some pretty fancy knitting to make it all come together. I hope I didn't drop a stitch.


End file.
